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Natasha Rostova and Pierre Bezukhov. Examples of true love. E. Pushkarev

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It happens that love will pass by itself,
Not touching the heart, not the mind.
It’s not love, but youth’s fun,
No, love will disappear without a trace:
She comes to live forever,
Until a man perishes in the earth.
No person is able to understand what true love is until he has lived in marriage for a quarter of a century.
Mark Twain

This article is part of the "school block":

Dramaturgy of love. E. Pushkarev

"First love" is an important step in puberty. E. Pushkarev

Psychiatric confusion with love in school literature. E. Pushkarev

The second stage of love mania and Anna Karenina. E. Pushkarev

Natasha Rostova and Pierre Bezukhov. Examples of true love. E. Pushkarev

The institution of marriage in the novel "Anna Karenina" by M. Zalambani.

The concept of love in I.A. Bunin. O. Eremina

Love and the "Garnet Bracelet". L.G. Boring

Literature, in fact, has passed by the depiction of family love. Andrei Platonov once remarked: "The image of a family man, artistically equal to Don Juan, does not exist in world literature. However, the image of a family man is more inherent and known to mankind than the image of Don Juan." This observation can be extended to folklore as well. Russian folk tales with a love story, and most of them end with a wedding with an afterword: "... they lived long, happily and died on the same day." And In War and Peace, L.N. Tolstoy went beyond these tales and revealed the secret of this longitude and happiness, describing in detail the content of daily, family love.

This is the only one we have an example of true love not real people, but book heroes because there are such facets experiences of love, for the description of which the common man "does not have enough words." But L.N. Tolstoy, not only the greatest psychologist, but also a psychoanalyst and psychotherapist among novelists, brings to us the originality of such emotional reactions that without the psychological depth of his approach would hardly have been revealed at all, they are deeply human and play an essential role in the behavior of the individual in general. L.N. Tolstoy penetrates deep into the psychic nature of man, reveals the motives that latently drive his actions, thereby revealing its secrets. It acts with documentary accuracy as a "shower oscilloscope", which every second captures, reveals excitements, movements, passions and gives it out in a form that is already deciphered for understanding.

Critic N. N. Strakhov wrote that "there has never been such a description of married life in the world ... Love between husband and wife is in full bloom, pure, tender, deep ...".

In love and being in love, all people experience the same thing, but in detail and in interconnection, so that not only for pleasure, but also for understanding their own lives, only outstanding writers can consider and decipher this.

The famous Russian psychotherapist N.E. Osipov (1877-1934) called the works of Leo Tolstoy "psychoanalysis in artistic form" and in his works mentioned the name of the writer no less often than the name of the founder of psychoanalytic doctrine Z. Freud.
Moreover, N.E. Osipov sees in Tolstoy himself an intuitive psychoanalyst who anticipated Freud's discoveries even in the field of the treatment of mental illness. So, Tolstoy, according to N.E. Osipov, not only gave an amazingly accurate description of Natasha Rostova's depression after the failed flight with Kuragin, but indicated the only correct method of therapy. The scientist sees commonality in the methods of psychoanalysis and the artistic method of Tolstoy. N.E. Osipov considered common in Tolstoy and Freud attention to small strokes and their attitude to them as having deep meaning.
Natasha Rostova and Pierre Bezukhov are L.N. Tolstoy, and he describes them very carefully, without embellishment, and sometimes even with the use of harsh formulations, but with documentary accuracy, according to the principle "reliability is more valuable than sympathy." Happy, loving families like Natasha and Pierre were, are and will be. And thanks to the "textbook of love" by L.N. Tolstoy may have more of them.
Natasha Rostova's first ball, episode from the movie
Natasha Rostova went the usual way up the ladder of love: at first she had a teenage crush on Boris, then an ardent "first love" for Andrei Bolkonsky, infatuation with Anatol Kuragin, completing a tragic chord with Andrei Bolkonsky. And only after she successfully passes the "courses of a young fighter" she becomes "capable" of true love - the role of Mother - Wife.
Natasha - "black-eyed, with a big mouth, ugly, but lively girl", "graceful poetic imp", "capricious", "bothers everyone, and is loved by everyone", and also mobile and spontaneous, she was recklessly at the mercy of their feelings. With her temperament, children's love for Boris Drubetskoy is inevitable. This sensual flash caused an instant blackout of her mind, complete paralysis of all other senses. She plunged Natasha into deep experiences, and in these sufferings the soul develops. This is the first significant step from childhood to adolescence, and adulthood is still far away, somewhere beyond the horizon.
Natasha does not think at all about what she lives for, she doesn’t think about high ideals, nor about "good heaven", nor about virtue, nor even about tomorrow. Natasha always acts as her heart tells her, thinks little about the consequences of her actions, and therefore there is neither falsity nor fake. Admiring his heroine, L.N. Tolstoy emphasizes "simplicity, goodness and truth" in it Her soul is developing, and can already accommodate in itself and even requires a deeper feeling for Prince Andrei, with whom she falls in love and mutually. A stormy feeling, declarations of love with Prince Andrey and an engagement with a year's trial.

- Prince Andrey in "War and Peace" falls into the trap of falling in love, like "a fish without fish and cancer." This trap is very common in socially restricted groups. Natasha Rostova may not at all correspond to his expectations and psychological characteristics, but she is "a person from her circle, a girl of marriageable age." The "key - lock" system is formed. Prince Andrey wants to start a family, he has a need for love, and then Natasha appears. All further constructions of the heroes explain to them what happened only in an advantageous romantic form. It seems to Natasha that she fell in love with him, he too, on the first visit of Prince Andrey to the Rostovs' estate. But this is self-deception. The true motive is the "couple waiting trap". L.N. Tolstoy was a good everyday psychologist, and therefore he allowed this couple to disintegrate in the course of the story.
B.Yu.Shapiro Dean of the Faculty of the Moscow School of Education, Candidate of Pedagogical Sciences, Associate Professor, Full Member of the Academy of Pedagogical and Social Sciences, Member of the European Association of Psychotherapists.

But Natasha's temperament does not tolerate the calm of the soul of such duration, and now the devil has already beguiled her. In the absence of Prince Andrei, she meets and quickly becomes close to Anatol Kuragin. This is a tall, handsome man with "beautiful big eyes", he is not gifted with intelligence, but "on the other hand, he had the ability of calmness, precious for the light, and unchangeable confidence." And although Anatole does not pursue personal gain, he hunts for pleasures with an unquenchable passion - and willingly sacrifice any neighbor. This is what he does to Natasha Rostova, making her fall in love with him, preparing to take her away - and not thinking about her fate, about the fate of Andrei Bolkonsky.
- Three days, - said Natasha. - I think I have loved him for a hundred years. It seems to me that I have never loved anyone before him. You cannot understand this. Sonia, wait, sit here. - Natasha hugged and kissed her.
- I was told that it happens and you heard it correctly, but now I have only experienced this love. This is not what it used to be. As soon as I saw him, I felt that he was my master, and I was his slave, and that I could not help but love him. Yes, a slave! What he tells me, I will do. You don't understand this. What am I supposed to do? What am I to do, Sonya? - Natasha said with a happy and frightened face. Natasha, being in the grip of feelings, decides to take a desperate step - to escape from the parental home.
This mystical ecstatic phenomenon was later called "falling in love trap" , which were the result of the charm Natasha's external beauty Anatole, Pierre Helene, Andrey Liza. These bright, stormy states quickly capture the fullness of the soul, blind (aberration of vision), deprive the mind, but they also quickly pass.

This is how Sergei Yesenin describes a similar infatuation with Isadora Duncan (1923): “There was passion, and a great passion. This went on for a whole year. And then everything passed and there was nothing left, nothing. When there was passion, I saw nothing. And now! My God, how blind I was! Where were my eyes? That's right, they always get so blind. "

You can fall in love with beauty, but love is only a soul.
W. Shakespeare

After her unsuccessful escape, Natasha is deeply worried about her "low, stupid and cruel" act, something already similar to adulthood. The break with Bolkonsky, his injury and the ensuing death led Natasha to a deep internal crisis. She gave herself up to despair and sorrow, shut herself up. All this is the eternal throwing of ripening souls.
Grief, parting with loved ones is an inevitable part of life, no matter how great it may be.

More details: Culture of longevity of love. A culture of separation grief. E. Pushkarev.

S. Bondarchuk as P. Bezukhov
Pierre: A massive, fat young man with an intelligent, timid, observant and natural gaze. The figure of Pierre Bezukhov, depending on the circumstances, can be either clumsy or strong, can express confusion, and anger, and kindness, and fury. And Pierre's smile is not the same as that of others: When a smile came, his serious face suddenly disappeared and another appeared - childish, kind.
Pierre also goes through all the stages of growing up. He participates in revelry, and here he manifests that riot-lordly beginning, the embodiment of which was once his father, Catherine's grandee, Count Bezukhov. The sensual principle prevails over reason: he marries the secular beauty Helen out of "great love". But Pierre quickly realizes that he has no real family, that his wife is a frivolous woman. Discontent grows in him, but not with others, but with himself. Participates in duels, suffers again.
Pierre's life is a path of discoveries and disappointments, a path of crisis and in many respects dramatic. He is smart, loves to indulge in dreamy philosophizing, exceptionally kind and absent-minded, at the same time he is distinguished by weak will, lack of initiative. The main feature of the hero is the search for peace of mind, harmony with oneself, the search for a life that would be in harmony with the needs of the heart and would bring moral satisfaction.

Pierre, returning from captivity and learning that his wife is dead and he is free, hears about the Rostovs that they are in Kostroma, but the thought of Natasha rarely visits him: “If she came, then only as a pleasant memory for a long time of the past ”. Even when he met her, he did not immediately recognize Natasha in a pale and thin woman with sad eyes without a shadow of a smile, who was sitting next to Princess Mary, to whom he had come.
Again, you can see how L.N. Tolstoy, a great master of the vision of the psychological picture of human relations, accurately notices the emergence of Pierre's feeling of love for Natasha, which happened even when the love of Andrei and Natasha was in full swing. The joy of their happiness mixed in his soul with sadness, with shades of envy. Unlike Andrey, Pierre's kind heart forgave Natasha after the incident with Anatoly Kuragin. Although he tried to despise her, he saw Natasha, exhausted, exhausted, and "a feeling of pity, never experienced before, overflowed Pierre's soul." And love entered his "soul blossoming for a new life." Pierre understood Natasha because her relationship with Anatole was similar to his infatuation with Helene.
After falling out with his wife, Pierre's journey of life continues. He became interested in Freemasonry, then there was a war, and the unrealizable idea of assassinating Napoleon, and burning - Moscow, terrible moments of waiting for death and captivity. Pierre's soul, having gone through suffering, traumatized, and tired, retained the origins of love for Natasha. Both of them, after tragedies, if they crave for loss, then not new happiness, but rather reassurance. She is still all in her grief, but it is natural for her to speak out in front of Pierre without concealment about the details of the last days of her love for Andrei, because she felt a kindred spirit in him. Pierre “listened to her and only felt sorry for her for the suffering that she was now experiencing, telling”. For Pierre it is a joy and “rare pleasure” to tell Natasha about his adventures during captivity. It is a joy for Natasha to listen to him, "guessing the secret meaning of all Pierre's mental work." Love woke up in their hearts, and suddenly "it smelled and doused with long-forgotten happiness," and the "forces of life" were hammered, and "joyful madness" seized them. "Love woke up, life woke up too." The power of love revived Natasha after mental apathy caused by the death of Prince Andrew. She thought her life was over but with renewed vigor, “love for the mother showed her that her essence is love still alive in her. "
Natasha is twenty-one, Pierre is twenty-eight.
Letter from Pierre Natasha:
“Dear Natasha, on that magnificent summer evening when I met you at the Emperor’s ball, I realized that all my life I wanted to have a wife as beautiful as you. I looked at you all evening, without stopping for a minute, peering into your slightest movement, trying to look into every, even the smallest, hole in your soul. I never took my eyes off your magnificent body for a second. But alas, all my efforts to get your attention were unsuccessful. I think that all the prayers and promises on my part will be just a waste of time. For I know that I have too little status in the empire. But still I want to assure you that you are the most beautiful creature in the world.
I have never, never met such an amazing woman who has done so much for our country. And only your enormous modesty hides it.
Natasha, I love you!
Pierre Bezukhov
“From the day when Pierre, leaving the Rostovs and remembering Natasha's grateful look, looked at a comet standing in the sky and felt that something new had opened up for him - the question of futility that always tormented him and the madness of everything earthly ceased to appear to him. This terrible question: why? for what?"

Soon, in the early spring of 1813, Pierre Bezukhov and Natasha Rostova were getting married.

After marriage, Natasha underwent an amazing transformation, her life changed course by 180 degrees. Natasha fulfills her main life role, for which she was intended. This role was predetermined by family education. She grew up in the morally clean atmosphere of the Rostov family, the family that L.N. Tolstoy in the novel considers it harmonious, full-fledged, where complete mutual understanding reigns and there are warm relations between parents and children. It was the family that instilled in Natasha both a love for art, and a craving for culture, and that folk organicity that L.N. Tolstoy considers a truly Russian person to be an integral part of the spiritual world. It was the family that shaped Natasha as a person. At the time of the end of the novel, he and Pierre had four children, three daughters and a son.
Leo Tolstoy expressed his attitude to Natasha in a new life for her with the thoughts of an old countess who understood with her “motherly instinct” that “all Natasha's impulses began only with the need to have a family, to have a husband like her, not so much jokingly as in fact, she shouted in Otradnoye. " Countess Rostova "was surprised at the surprise of people who did not understand Natasha, and repeated that she always knew that Natasha would be about a wife and mother."
“The general consensus was that Pierre was under his wife's shoe, and indeed he was. From the very first days of their marriage, Natasha announced her demands. Pierre was surprised at this completely new view of his wife, which was that every minute of his life belongs to her and his family; Pierre was surprised at his wife's demands, but he was flattered and obeyed them. " After reading this, everyone can compare his understanding “under the shoe of his wife” with the way LN presents it. Tolstoy explains to wives in detail how to make her husband want to be under her shoe.
“Natasha in her house put herself on the leg of her husband's slave; and the whole house walked on tiptoe, when Pierre studied - he read or wrote in his study. As soon as Pierre showed some kind of passion, what he loved was constantly fulfilled. As soon as he expressed a desire for Natasha to jump up and run to fulfill it. The whole house was guided only by the imaginary commands of her husband, that is, by Pierre's desires, which Natasha tried to guess. And she, it is true, guessed what the essence of Pierre's desires consisted in, and, having guessed it, she already firmly adhered to the once chosen one. When Pierre himself already wanted to change his desire, she fought against him with his own weapon. "
"Everything that was the mental, abstract work of her husband, she attributed, without understanding him, of great importance and was constantly in fear of being a hindrance in this activity of her husband."
Couples living in love provide such wonderful support and understanding that everyone feels protected. At the same time, no matter what everyone does, no matter what he says, everything is appropriate, everything is good, everything is correct. This in itself gives the feeling that you are a kind person, gives a feeling of your own importance. And this feeling is an important need for every person.
“Natasha, without knowing it herself, was full of attention: she did not miss a word, nor a hesitation in her voice, nor a glance, nor a flinch of a facial muscle, nor a gesture from Pierre. She caught on the fly the not yet spoken word and directly brought it into her open heart, guessing the secret meaning of all Pierre's mental work. "

In each married couple, love is carried out in different ways, but they have in common that the demands of the spouse do not cause irritation, but, on the contrary, a feeling of satisfaction and pride, since they are perceived as a manifestation of care, their own need.
To describe his favorite L.N. Tolstoy spares no harsh expressions. Natasha "what they call has gone down": she stopped caring about her manners, words, clothes - about the entire outer side of life. She gave up singing, abandoned all her previous hobbies and activities. She gave all of herself to her family, husband, children - she almost dissolved in them, became a part of them. Natasha was all saturated with naturalness, began to live an almost natural life.
"Natasha sank to such an extent that her costumes, her hairstyles, her inappropriate words, her jealousy - she was jealous of Sonya, the governess, every beautiful and ugly woman - were the usual subject of jokes of all her relatives ".
She sank, but sank into such depth, telling about which L.N. Tolstoy never ceases to be amazed. Natasha became a "beautiful and fertile female" in which "only her face and body were visible, but" I "was not visible"? Her "I" completely dissolved into "we". Natasha became not just a natural person, but a key "organ of the family", the embodiment of the eternal "wife-mother" - the coastal woman. In this her dissolution in "we" she so merged with her husband that she began to understand him apart from words, almost telepathically. They spoke, "with extraordinary clarity and speed knowing and communicating the thoughts of each other ... without the mediation of judgments, inferences and conclusions, but in a very special way."
This was a way that was contrary to all laws of logic - "disgusting already because at the same time they talked about completely different subjects ... Natasha was so used to talking to her husband in this way that that something was wrong between her and her husband, Pierre's logical train of thought served for her. quarrel ".
Here you can recall the legend of the Platonic androgynes, understand and imagine what it means to find your soul mate, that the legend was born, does not live out of a simple fantasy for so long.

One person is not yet a person, only in a pair does he acquire harmonious integrity.
L. Feuerbach

This state is designated as perfect harmony and is estimated as great happiness ("one heart and one soul") and, of course, by right ... for this is a true experience of the deity, which, having mastered a person, extinguishes and absorbs everything that is individual in him ... man and woman become instruments of a continuing life.
K.G. Jung

The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.

What is love. E. Pushkarev

“She felt that her bond with her husband was not held by those poetic feelings that attracted him to her, but held by something else, indefinite, but firm, like the bond of her own soul with the body.”

Before us is an amazing phenomenon that has not yet been fully disclosed. Transmitting several thoughts to each other at once, in one and the same second, they do not complicate their understanding, but, on the contrary, make it more complete and quick. And when they speak according to the rules of logic, not about many subjects at once, but about one thing, this does not make it easier for them to understand, but, on the contrary, disrupts it.
Pierre's love for Natasha opened up new qualities in him - a mysterious insight appeared. "Without the slightest effort, at once, meeting with any person, he saw in him everything that was good and worthy of love." “Maybe,” he thought, “I seemed then strange and ridiculous; but then I was not as mad as it seemed. On the contrary, I was then smarter and more perceptive than ever, and understood everything that is worth understanding in life because ... I was happy. "
And Natasha and Pierre have a kindred understanding of each other. Their "deep immersion" in each other, their multi-tiered exchange of different thoughts and feelings at once is the fruit of the merging of kindred souls.

If, using the example of Pierre and Natasha, we try to understand what love is, its internal mechanisms, cause-and-effect relationships, the dynamics in this will help us socionics of love .

Primary is "kinship of souls" this predetermines mutual understanding, interest arises from communication, spiritual comfort in relationships develops, this causes a desire to do a good deed for a partner, and this causes an even greater desire in him to deliver reciprocal pleasantness. Everything! The chain reaction of the development of love feelings as the highest form of value relationships has been launched and now it will develop until the end of the century "until a person perishes in the earth." Moreover, over the years, love becomes even stronger and more beneficial.
Love is not so much a feeling that leads to marriage, as the disclosure of effective light energy and other abilities in life together. Love ceases to be a separate feeling, but becomes a universal state of the soul, body, mind, behavior. Just as life-giving rain moisture permeates the dried-up, cracked earth, so love pervaded the lives of Natasha and Pierre, their entire way of life.

That is why love does not happen at first sight, it can only excite falling in love, and it has nothing to do with love.

Love is a state in which a person is able to feel and experience his absolute irreplaceability. In love, a person can feel the meaning of his existence for another and the meaning of the existence of another for himself. Love helps a person to manifest, revealing, increasing, developing good, positive, valuable in him. This is the highest synthesis of the meaning of human existence. Only by loving, giving myself to another and penetrating into him, I find myself, I open myself, I open both of us, I open a person.
E. Fromm.

"E. Fromm about love"
E. Fromm "The Art of Love" 1956 (undoubtedly influenced the subsequent studies of this topic)

This love - a natural state is not similar to Natasha's early feelings, nor to Pierre's violent feelings for Helene, they were in love

More details: Love. E. Pushkarev

“After seven years of marriage, Pierre felt a joyful, firm consciousness that he was not a bad person, and he felt this because he saw himself reflected in his wife. In himself, he felt all good and bad mixed and obscured one another. But his wife reflected only what was truly good: everything that was not quite good was discarded. And this reflection did not happen by means of logical thought, but by another - a mysterious, direct reflection. "

"- I love you terribly! - Natasha said suddenly. - Awful. Awful!"

Love is an invaluable gift. This is the only thing that we can give and yet it remains with you.
L.N. Tolstoy
If ordinary writers describe different sides, the intricacies of love preceding the wedding, then outstanding writers describe how it transforms, reveals the best qualities of love in spouses when children are already born. And the experiences, passions preceding the creation of a family are only the forerunner of the main feeling in life, so vividly and comprehensively described by L.N. Tolstoy in the novel War and Peace.

“We call all kinds of things love, starting with love-good, which must be carried through the whole life, and ending with love for one night. The toughest models can be found in pop culture - but only there are popular remakes of Romeo and Juliet. Irony reigns supreme in intellectual literature. Modern romance never ends with a wedding. The question always arises: what happened next? And then - everyday life, disappointment ... "
Professor, Doctor of Philosophy E. N. Shapinskaya.

We can learn a lot of interesting things about the details of psychological characteristics: flaws, strong and weak functions of both our heroes and our own, if we use the knowledge that opens " Socionics of love "

Socionic psychotypes:

Natasha Rostova - sensory-ethical extravert SEE - ESFP - Napoleon

Pierre Bezukhov - intuitive-logical introvert OR - INTP - Balzac

Andrey Bolkonsky - ethical-intuitive extrovert EIE - ENFJ - Hamlet

Without suspecting that L.N. Tolstoy chose the best dual relationship to describe the family union of his beloved heroes.
Duality is the highest reward of the creator, for only in the relationship of duals is everything necessary to give them the harmony of perfection.
Psychologist O.B. Slinko

“In a word, the dual is really that“ half ”, about a meeting that every socionist dreams of (a non-socionist cannot dream, because it is impossible to dream about something that you have no idea about!). In the current dual dyad, people generally forget about, for example, what complexes are. No complexes! The duals are liberated, relaxed, confident in their relevance, in their need, in their usefulness (first of all, to the dual, and therefore to society) " G.A. Shulman "Ode to Dual Contact".

About dual relationships, team. All articles

Having become more familiar with the description of duality, it becomes clear where the legend about androgynes came from, that it did not arise from the simple imagination of a philosopher. Interesting is this phenomenon of L.N. Tolstoy also describes in the novel "Anna Karenina" about the loving spouses Levin and Kitty. Once Konstantin Levin was late home, and Kitty, who was nervous, greeted him with bitter reproaches. He was offended at her, wanted to say angry words to her, "but at that very second he felt that ... he himself had accidentally hit himself." "He realized that she was not only close to him, but that he now does not know where she ends and he begins." "She was himself."

Natasha's love for Pierre is not something unshakable, given once and for all, Natasha needs to be renewed every day anew. Only such a contradictory, slow, at the same time intelligent and deeply thinking partner like Pierre can keep her attention for a long time. But for Natasha, these updates are not a burdensome work, a burden, this is her interest, these are the puzzles of life that she willingly solves, getting pleasure from it, a feeling of fullness of life, joy, satisfaction with herself and her spouse.

Natasha helps Pierre to cope with bouts of blues, he is charged with energy and optimism. Natasha takes over from Pierre his vision of Time, it does not need to be rushed or slowed down, as it flows, let it flow, more confidently, without far-fetched drama refers to the future.

"Socionics of love" can even predict how their sexual relations developed. Almost always Natasha was the initiator of this relationship. After all, she is a sensory person (confident in her feelings) and an ethicist (confident in her feelings for another person). As an extrovert, she is proactive and impulsive in relationships, easily expresses feelings, frank and decisive. While Pierre doubts about the choice, she does it much faster to mutual pleasure.

But if Natasha married Andrei Bolkonsky, this marriage would have been extremely unfortunate at first for her, and already as a consequence for him. Andrei's relationship to Natasha can be described as patronage in the absence of feedback that she does not need. Over time, they develop into almost complete disregard for Andrei Natasha. Since you do not need my patronage, and I cannot give you anything else, then you do not need me. Instead of love, as it develops in relations with Pierre, it turns into a hindrance, an uninteresting, primitive burden that prevents him from fully thinking, living and being himself.

The most important thing is that "Socionics of love" the quality of relationships: love, problems, conflicts, alienation can be calculated before they start, i.e. before meeting.

From disharmony in choosing a marriage partner to harmony. E. Pushkarev

First, socionic testing is carried out, and then "Table of relations between sociotypes" will explain everything.

The Club regularly receives letters with the question: "Are Natasha and Pierre's family happy?" She is not just happy, she can be considered a model, a standard of a happy family: a life of love, harmony, mutual understanding, complete self-realization, when a person feels himself the best of all that he was in a previous life. L.N. Tolstoy described in detail the very real love and the fact that some readers do not coincide with the ideals imposed by the current culture is not the problem of Natasha and Pierre's family, it is the problem of what is happening with our culture now.
More: Ecology of the culture of love.

“And we were two convicts who hated each other, bound by one chain, poisoning each other's lives and trying not to see it. I did not know then that 0.99 marriages live in the same hell as I lived, and that it could not be otherwise. Then I did not know this either about others or about myself. " Reasoning of the main character from the story "The Kreutzer Sonata" by Pozdnyshev. In the afterword to "The Kreutzer Sonata" L.N. Tolstoy openly identified with Pozdnyshev.

"Now (1999) half of young families break up in the first year of life, two thirds - in the first five years, in 70% of families that have not yet broken up, the spouses are in tense relations ..."
D.philos.n. V.M. Rozin "Problems of love in the context of the contradictions of the modern family"

Only 1.5% of Russians surveyed answered positively to the question "Are your relations with your loved one harmonious."

“According to official statistics, we have 70 divorces per 100 marriages. And I say that 100% of marriages are divorces. We don't have families as such. It's just that people live in isolation in one territory, isolated from each other. These are our families that only the outer shell keeps people together. I researched families where the marriage lasted 10-15 years, and asked, asked a question of this type: "You would now marry your husband, but only everything will happen again as it was." And vice versa. As a result, only 5% of men did not regret having married this woman. And 9% of women. But, let's say, I agree to marry her, and my wife would not marry me now, if on a new one. So out of 11,400 families of this kind, it turned out, there are five where there is a mutual choice. "
Corresponding Member of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences, MD, psychotherapist M.E. Litvak "Love is healthy and addicted"

Family statistics.

... a truly loving husband and wife seem to be an exception.
E. Fromm "To have or to be" 1976

A happy life of love has a big drawback - time flies quickly. It is not in vain that the saying "happy hours are not observed" was born. No matter how long the life of a happy family is,

George W. Bush (Sr.) lived in love with Barbara for 75 years, died in one year 2018, he was 94 years old, she is 92 years old.
and it is certainly longer than the unhappy one, it flies by quickly. Here's a paradox.

Another sign "Happiness is like health, when you don't notice it, it means that it exists."
I. Turgenev.

Therefore, those who live in love and happiness need to notice this from time to time, be aware of it, in order to have time to enjoy themselves and share it with their neighbors. One friend of mine describes it this way: “Sometimes I wonder if all these blessings, good luck and luck in love happen to me? Feeling of some kind of unreality. Why would you? After all, fate has never spoiled me before. And then, bam, my wife turned out to be golden, before the wedding I did not even imagine this, they were friends like everyone else. " So rejoice and share this with the children more often.

So it turns out that a person, no matter how hard he tries, is never able to please the body, because what the body needs cannot always be obtained, and if it is, then one must fight with others; a person can always please the soul, because the soul only needs love, and for love one does not need to fight with anyone; ... on the contrary, the more you love, the more you bond with other people. ... and every person the more he loves, the more and more not only he himself becomes happy and joyful, but also makes other people happy and joyful.
L. N. Tolstoy

From the point of view of the creators of the national idea, L.N. Tolstoy, F.M. Dostoevsky, the Slavophiles, the destruction of the very foundations of Russia's existence begins with the destruction of the traditional foundations of the "home" - the Russian Family. Such a Family as Natasha and Pierre.

Happy is he who is happy at home.
by L. N. Tolstoy

... 3/4 of human happiness is in the family.
F.M. Dostoevsky

E Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet Club "ENLIGHTENED LOVE"

Another female fate, but already tragic, described in detail in the smallest detail by Leo Tolstoy: "The second stage of love mania and Anna Karenina."

This page is from the section ”The Psychology of Love”.

There are books on the same topic in our library: "Love, family, sex and about ..."

Articles related to the same topic:

Examples of true love.

Guide to the site and the main milestones in the knowledge of love. E. Pushkarev

The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.

What is love. E. Pushkarev

Briefly about love. E. Pushkarev

Falling in love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: compatibility, love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev

Psychology of love. E. Pushkarev

Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.

Is love an emotion, feeling or what? E. Pushkarev

If to eliminate the confusion of love with pseudo-loves. E. Pushkarev

True love, it is also compatible love.

Friendship + Love = Filia.

Culture of longevity of love. A culture of separation grief.

From disharmony in choosing a marriage partner to harmony.

Guide to the site and the main milestones in the knowledge of love. E. Pushkarev

Psychological health is a prerequisite for love. E. Pushkarev

Sigmund Freud about love.

Эрих Фромм

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Экология и драматургия любви

Наш сайт о природе любви мужчины и женщины: истоки, течение, около любовные переживания и расстройства.

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По моей книге уже с 2010 года обучают студентов по Программе дисциплины – «Психология любви»

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Из книги вы узнаете: любовь между мужчиной и женщиной исключительно положительное чувство. А очень похожая влюбленность с любовью никак не связана. А недоброкачественная влюбленность - мания, она же "наркоманическая любовь", "сверхизбирательная любовь" "folle amore" (безумная любовь (ит.) не только никакого отношения к любви не имеет, а и совсем болезненное расстройство.

А научиться их различать не так уж и сложно.

У человека нет врожденного дара, отличать любовь от влюбленностей, других

псевдолюбовных состояний это можно сделать только овладев знаниями.

Жизнь удалась

Примеры настоящей любви

Пара влюбленных

Драматичные влюбленности известных людей, которые не сделали их счастливыми