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Appearance and other factors affecting feelings of love. E. Pushkarev

Google Translate Automated Translation - Original Text

I remember a wonderful moment;
You appeared before me,
Like a fleeting vision,
Like a genius of pure beauty,

In the languor of hopeless sadness,
In the worries of the noisy bustle,
A gentle voice sounded to me for a long time
And dreamed of cute features.
A.S. Pushkin

Appearance and other factors affecting love feelings

One of the most important elements in determining people's attraction to each other is their appearance. Children, adolescents and adults are much more supportive of people who are outwardly attractive. Practice shows that people communicate with them with great pleasure and show great responsiveness towards them. It is obvious that, despite the discrepancies, statements or ideas such as "you cannot judge a book by the cover" or "appearance is deceiving", her success and, accordingly, the number of admirers largely depends on a woman's physical attractiveness; however, it has been observed that this is less true in relation to men.

Love is the desire to enjoy beauty. Beauty is a kind of radiance that attracts the human soul.
M. Ficino


Beauty alone is not enough to deserve love.

In addition

Mental flexibility can replace beauty

Researchers conducted an original experiment that showed that a person's appearance affects our understanding of his character and behavior. Respondents (both women and men), having only photographs at their disposal, rated sexuality, sensitivity, intelligence, poise, sociability, kindness and strength of beautiful people much higher than the same qualities in less attractive people. The preference was given to the beautiful in terms of success in a professional career, and in terms of choosing a husband or wife in a greater likelihood of a happy marriage.

There is nothing sadder than the life of women who only knew how to be beautiful.
B. Fontenelle

A recent study conducted among students showed that representatives of both the weaker and stronger sex perceive the person who is interested in them better if he is good-looking, and intelligence, character and social attractiveness are no longer so important. From the point of view of establishing interpersonal contact, physical attractiveness is more significant for women than for men.

You don't have to be beautiful at all in order to earn love and have the right to enjoy happiness. Yes, men easily fall in love with beautiful women. However falling in love is still far from love and not happiness; it is rather intoxication and convulsion, often, often a disease, sometimes a catastrophe. And happiness gives only when from the very beginning it carries within itself the sacred seed of spiritual love and thus has the ability to deepen and ripen to love.
I. A. Ilyin

Among the external factors that determine attractiveness, one can single out species, social and individual characteristics. The "voice" and the influence of these signs are different for different people.
Specific characteristics.
The preference for external data determined by species characteristics for men and women are different. For men, wide hips and large breasts means that a woman can give birth and feed children well; for women, a broad-shouldered man with muscular buttocks can better protect her and her offspring than others.

A German study has shown that looking at a woman's breasts is very beneficial for men's health. Over the course of 5 years, researchers followed 200 men and found that those who enjoyed gazing at busty beauties resulted in lower blood pressure, calmer heart rate, and less heart disease than men who did not look at. female breasts daily. Dr. Karen Weatherby, who did the research, wrote in the New England Almanac of Medicine: “Just ten minutes of observing beautiful female forms is equivalent to thirty minutes of aerobics workout. Sexual arousal improves heart rate and blood circulation".
Yu Rodina

Men strengthen your health.

tanning girls         cheerful busty girl
Large breasts, steep hips speak of a woman's good hormonal background, and therefore a good ability to conceive, bear, give birth, and most importantly, feed healthy offspring. It was found that a woman with pronounced breasts, whose waist volume is 70% of the volume of the hips, has better health compared to other women and a higher level of fertility.
O.D. Rozhkova, oncopsychologist

There are many women who like "furry" men - at first glance, this is not very aesthetically pleasing, and besides, it reminds us of our ancestors. But abundant hair growth speaks of a good saturation of the body with the male sex hormone - testosterone. However, it must be borne in mind that testicular testosterone determines only pubic hair growth. And the hair growth of the whole body depends on the hormone produced by the adrenal glands. Therefore, an indicator of sexuality can be pubic hair growth: the more pronounced the triangle from the navel to the pubis, the more testicular testosterone in the body and the higher the sexual energy of a person.

Europe raises on a pedestal not a woman at all, only a young romantic beauty (flirty (flirting), sexy (sexy), hot (hot), an object of sensual attraction) becomes the object of her worship. the age that generates the desire of a man evokes a completely different attitude towards herself. harms, first of all, the woman herself: feminism is not a struggle of a woman against a man, it is a struggle of a failed woman against a successful one, ”Nietzsche said somewhere.
Philosopher Ye.D. Elizarov

As a consequence:

Six out of ten women are not satisfied with their beauty and are ready to undergo plastic surgery. Only every twenty-fifth woman is satisfied with her appearance. According to the results of an Internet survey conducted by AOL, women are most often dissatisfied with the shape of the abdomen (40%), hips (24%), breasts (16%) and buttocks (7%). 56% of survey participants dream of two or even more plastic surgeries.

“I believe that thanks to our passion for diets, fashion and beauty contests, we put forward demands on ourselves that simply cannot be met,” said Sheila Sang, who organized the survey. "As a result, the pursuit of beauty turns into some kind of obsession that only interferes with our lives."

The beauties in the photographs are different from the beauties in the flesh. It must be difficult to be a photo model, because you want to look like in your own photo, but it is impossible.
Andy Warhol

After viewing glossy magazines with photographs of beauties, men considered not only average women less attractive, but their own wives (Kenrick et al., 1989). Pornographic films have a similar effect: by arousing sexual emotions, they devalue their own partners in the eyes of viewers (Zillmann, 1989).

Using the logic of a pun:

- I used to hate my body! And now - those intruders who conspired to make me hate him!

we can conclude: the more glossy magazines force them to hate their body, the more products and services for hiding and altering it, users will purchase, the more profit will be received by cosmetic, modeling agencies, show business, plastic surgeons.

Bodypositive is a community of women and girls engaged in combating discrimination against people in appearance. Your body and appearance are unique, be proud of them. Fullness, thinness, crooked legs, wide, narrow bone, other garbage, they not only need not be shy, they need to be proud, but for this they are best displayed because it is your personality. And the dictatorship of 90 - 60 - 90, make-up, etc. baubles are for a stupid and brainless herd. Bodypositive is an open community that any woman can join.

Social attributes.
In one of the TV programs, a 12-year-old girl stood up and quite sincerely began to tell that she wanted her chosen one to be like Ricky Martin, Leonard DiCaprio, Tarkan and her two other pop idols at the same time. And when the presenter asked an ironic question: "Where can one find such a thing?" The girl did not hesitate, obviously her answer was already ready, blurted out: "Well, now he lives in a remote village, and when he grows up, arrives in Moscow, we will meet and he will fall in love with me." By the age of 16, she will already understand that to be like five handsome men at once is a clear inflection and will want him to resemble only Ilya Lagutenko, it is the format of this image that will be fixed in the subconscious as a standard for which interest will arise.

Women should be scrutinized without paying attention to their hair and shoes.
J. La Bruyere

From a letter to the Club: “… six months ago, I was completing the project - it was necessary to agree on it urgently, time was running out towards the end of the working day. I was worried that I would not have time to receive all the signatures today, I was running around one institution from floor to floor all disheveled, steamed, shaggy, don’t understand how buttoned up! Skirt at the side. So it must be the same - I noticed so many interested views of men. It turns out that when I was absorbed in production matters and stopped caring to look, what impression I would make - here it is natural. But now I cannot return that inner feeling, as on that day, I tried many times. I even specially went to the same institution for signatures, but since I was ordinary - combed, and buttoned up in favorable places from men, zero attention". Dina.

Under the makeup sometimes there is just a beauty ...

The documentary filmed the film "The Ugliness of Beauty", it shows the tricks that people use in different parts of the world to be more beautiful. The film has found a good title, that for some disgrace a long neck, stretched lips, ears, painted eyes and lips, tattoos, scars, sawed teeth for others are the standards of beauty.
In China during the reign of the Yuan dynasty, moon-faced girls were the standard of beauty for several centuries, because this was exactly the beloved wife of the founder of the dynasty.

American men believe that what women like about men are purely outward:

21% - Muscular chest, shoulders
18 - Muscular Arms
15 - Big penis
13 - Tall
1 - Slimness
4 - Buttocks
4 - Eyes
18 - Everything Else
In fact, American women like men the most:
39% - Buttocks
11 - Tall
11 - Eyes
5 - Slimness
2 - Big penis
1 - Muscular chest, shoulders
27 - Everything Else

Why are Russian women more beautiful than Western women? A. Batler

In the 15th century, the Inquisition, led by misogynists from the Dominican order, unleashed a "witch hunt", which all beauties were considered to be. Thousands of "witches" were tortured and publicly burned alive. Although the Catholic Church rejected the possibility of witches early enough, in the 16th and 17th centuries, terror took on an even wider scope among Protestants. As a result, even after 500 years, there are much fewer beautiful women in Western Europe than in the Slavic countries, where there was no Inquisition.
Romantic and Preacher of Female Orgasm and Religious Attitude to It - A. Chernitskiy "Light Psychology". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

Evolution of the concept of female beauty.

"Willendorf Venus" is a 11 cm high figurine carved from stone, made approximately in the 24-22 millennium BC.

bright girls The fashion for female leggy came to Russia from the west just a couple of decades ago. And if you remember the newsreels of Stalin's and later times, in the foreground you can see vigorous, strong women with rounded shapes. Both movie stars and they have - Marilyn Monroe, she has large, full breasts, rounded hips, and she is all foldable and feminine: bust - 94 cm, waist - 61 cm, height - 165 cm, weight -57 kg., And us - Lyubov Orlova had the same constitution.

Lupita Nyong'o

The most beautiful woman in the world according to People

Oscar 2014 winner Lupita Nyong'o topped the People's annual list of the most beautiful women in the world.
The actress was born in Mexico, grew up in Kenya and studied in the United States.
Her first big role in 12 Years of Slavery earned her a pass to Hollywood Olympus and the attention of fashion houses and perfume manufacturers.
After the Academy Awards ceremony, Nyong'o became the "face" of the French company Lancome Paris.
The top five beauties also included Keri Russell, Jenna Dewan, Mindy Kaling and singer Pink.

Amber Heard

The most beautiful face in the world according to scientists.

London plastic surgeon Julian De Silva has calculated the most physically perfect faces among modern celebrities. The winner is the American-Australian actress Amber Heard, who has the closest to ideal proportions. In his calculations, Silva used the principle of the "golden ratio", which has long been used to assess the beauty of the face. This is also a sign of good health, which means longevity. The second, third and fourth places in the ranking of beautiful faces were taken by Kim Kardashian, Kate Moss and Emily Ratajkowski.

Cleopatra Diana de Merode

The most beautiful woman of the 19th century Cleopatra Diana de Merode.

She was the daughter of the Belgian artist Karl de Merode.

Kelly Brook

Researchers from the University of Texas spent two years looking for the ideal female figure and found out that its owner is Kelly Brook.

Scientists tested several parameters: height, weight, hair length and face shape. It turned out that the figure, which most women consider "plump", attracts men the most.

Her beauty is natural. She did not visit plastic surgeons. Kelly is 168 cm tall and weighs 65 kg. The volume of her natural breast is 99 cm, the girth of the waist is 69 cm, the volume of the hips is 96 cm. WHR - 072. The girl does not want to change anything in herself.

The average age when a woman becomes the most beautiful in her life is 38.9 years (2018). And 30 years ago this age was 33.2 years. The study was conducted by Boston University in collaboration with People magazine.

TOP of the most beautiful WOMEN of the Peoples of Russia

Male students who participated in a study by the University of New Mexico rated the attractiveness of female faces in photos and chose symmetrical rather than asymmetrical as attractive. Moreover, there is evidence that women with symmetry traits have more sexual partners.
D. Amen "The chemistry of love. Components of attraction, infatuation, affection and parting"

Facial symmetry is one of the indicators of not only health, immunity, but also the quality of the set of chromosomes in genes.

Studies by anthropologists R. Thornhill and S. Gandestad have shown that women during ovulation like the smell of symmetrical men more, and that when having sex with symmetrical men, women experience more orgasms.
Ethologist, Doctor of History M.L. Butovskaya "Body language: nature and culture (evolutionary and cross-cultural foundations of human non-verbal communication)". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

Randy Thornhill concluded that there are two main preferences that drive women. During ovulation, they look for partners with good genes, which correlates with physical symmetry - a property that is observed in all female mammals during estrus. In other periods of the menstrual cycle, they feel the greatest sympathy for men, who are more active in showing care and attention.

Any ailments suffered in childhood - be it an ordinary cough or a cold, especially diseases, especially serious ones, leave their imprint on the face. As a result, one eye will be a millimeter or two taller than the other, one nostril slightly larger than the other. It is quite common that one eyelid is lower / higher than the other. The effect may be extremely insignificant, but it is enough for us, when evaluating the appearance, to unconsciously note it. At some level inaccessible to the senses, we feel that people with slightly asymmetrical features do not have the best immunity, a set of chromosomes. But we want our future descendants to be as healthy as possible. This trait works with greater influence in the animal kingdom than in humans. In humans, this subconscious instinct is significantly weakened under the pressure of cultural stereotypes, but it still works.

Even 2500 years ago, Aristotle argued about the key sign of physical attractiveness due to harmony, proportionality, he called it the golden mean. And in our time, researchers have found the coefficients of this proportionality and an objective explanation.

Evolutionary psychologist Devendra Singh found that the waist-hip ratio (WHR) is a reliable indicator of women's health and fertility. When calculating WHR, the waist is measured at the narrowest part between the ribs and the iliac crest, the hips at the level of the maximum protrusion of the buttocks. Biometric studies have shown that WHR reliably indicates a woman's reproductive status and reproductive capabilities, as well as her health status from 0.67 to 0.80. This index was also determined for men from 0.80 to 0.95 (Singh, 1995).

Why are the long legs of fashion models considered so sexy when physiologists say otherwise? Sexologists associate the erotic effect of female legs with their proximity to the genital organs and with the associations they excite. "Legs, if they are good, are capable of making ugly ones beautiful," wrote Aristenet, a Byzantine writer of the 6th century.

Leonardo da Vinci, who praised the beauty of the human body, advised men to choose wives for themselves: "Do not get carried away by women with thin and long legs, thin bodies, narrow backs, no matter how attractive they are on the face. Do not look at such, but when you see, tell : "such a woman in bed will give me little joy, but she will require a lot ..." Stop your choice on a woman who is firmly built, but below average height, with plump legs and hips, a wide pelvis. She is suitable for bed. a normal man needs: passion of the body, a beautiful, well-developed organ, from her you can easily reach the uterus".

What is a trochanter index? This is the ratio of height to leg length. Leg length is usually about half the height. The shorter the legs in comparison with the height, the higher the sexual activity. And here there is a clear physiological rationale. The fact is that the more rapidly the period of puberty proceeds, the more sex hormones a person has at this age, the higher his sexual energy throughout his life. But sex hormones, if there are many of them, have the property of retarding the growth of tubular bones, the body continues to grow during the period of growing up. So it turns out that the legs "lag behind" in comparison with the general growth. This process is the same for both men and women.

Other signs of the correspondence of physiological parameters to the strength of the sexual constitution - Sexuality, female and male orgasms.

But Lavrenty Beria chose his mistresses with short, muscular, embossed legs.

The Department of Social Psychology at Moscow State University recently conducted a study trying to determine if there is a connection between the external data of spouses and the stability of the family. No such patterns were found. In family relationships, beautiful people are lucky or unlucky as well as people of ordinary appearance. Yes, beautiful people are more often "lucky" in a short acquaintance, in a relationship. With prolonged contact, appearance fades into the background, appearance does not give guarantees of success in love, friendship.

Individual signs.
Benjamin Spock assures: "Children from 3 to 6 years old create a romantic ideal as a prototype, which are the people who raised us. Subsequent hobbies will be unconsciously determined by this standard." And child psychologist Peter Struck from Germany assures that the formation of the romantic ideal is completed by the age of three.
To those experiencing a feeling of love, it seems that they are in love with a particular person, in fact, they are in love with the image projected by the subconscious on this person. Dreams, desires, thoughts of consciousness are just a thin veil covering the subconscious, which is actively and constantly working, "bending its own line."

Anyone who falls in love with a plain woman falls in love with all the power of passion, because such love testifies either to a strange whim of his taste, or to the secret charms of his beloved, stronger than the spell of beauty.
J. La Bruyere
Translated into Russian, this statement sounds shorter and brighter: "love is evil, you will love a goat too."

In our search for the ideal partner, we unconsciously look for someone who is similar to the people who had the most powerful influence on us in early childhood. They could be our parents, brothers, sisters, a nursery teacher, or some close relative. Whoever they are, our brain stores all the information about these people: the sounds of their voices, the degree of their care for us when we cried, the color of their face at the moment of anger, their smile in moments of happiness, posture, gait, character traits, talents and interests. Along with these impressions, our brain recorded all the important moments of life associated with them.
Our subconscious, analyzing only past experiences and almost ignoring the outside world, pushes us to recreate the atmosphere that surrounded us in childhood. This is because we all strive to heal the wounds we received at a tender age. One of the reasons for Philip Kirkorov's heavy, poor-quality love for Alla Pugacheva is that she looks like his mother. But the long Prince Charles's love with Camilla Parker Bowles can be explained by the fact that she looks like a nanny who was with him when he was still a baby. The subconscious mind imprinted her as a more important person for life support than the queen mother.

A great connoisseur of human souls, Russian writer of the 19th century V.V. Veresaev believed that more truthful information can be obtained from the lips than from the eyes. He wrote: "Eyes are the mirror of the soul. What nonsense. Eyes are a deceiving mask, eyes are screens that hide the soul. The mirror of the soul is lips. And if you want to know the soul of a person, look at his lips. Wonderful, bright eyes and predatory lips. Virginly innocent eyes and depraved lips. Comradely welcoming eyes and dignified pursed lips with obtusely lowered corners. Beware of the eyes! Because of the eyes, people are deceived just so often. Lips will not deceive".

The psychological term "transference" that exists for this mistaken identification means the assignment of the characteristics of one person to another. A person often transfers his feelings for his parents to a partner, since our subconscious mind chooses a partner similar to people close to us, thus, the "transfer" occurs according to formal signs. In the subconscious, the similarities are simply exaggerated and the differences are leveled. And if we ask the lover a question about whether the loved one is similar to your parents? He, even after thinking well, will deny any similarity, this is a contradiction, often a conflict of consciousness with the subconscious.
The most severe and common wound and trauma is considered to be the dislike of the child by the parents, especially the mother. A child's dislike is not only the cause of complexes and personal conflicts, it is the source of many life problems: cruelty, fanaticism, extremism, antisocial behavior. LS Vygotsky wrote about this: “Man is like a slave to his early childhood, he resolves and gets rid of the conflicts that were created in the first months of his life all his life. It turns out that a person's behavior is determined rather by his own internal characteristics than external situation ".

A beautiful woman likes the eyes, but she is kind to the heart; one is a beautiful thing, and the other is a treasure.
Napoleon Bonaparte

In his book The Chemistry of Love, Lebowitz argues that visual stimuli activate the synthesis of drug-like substances - endorphins, which create a feeling of euphoria and pleasure. For example, if we notice a person who matches our ideal of attractiveness or beauty, then the brain's pleasure center is immersed in a sea of chemical messages. V. Vysotsky to describe this state has chosen the exact term "... I admire you as Madonna Raphael." If we usually look, then we admire the people who attract us - we get pleasure. For a particularly wounded restless soul, this pleasure acquires super-significance and even dependence.
And here is how A.S. Pushkin describes the action of endorphins:
To listen to you for a long time, to understand,
Soul all your perfection,
To die in agony before you,
Fade and fade, that's bliss!

Sexual gestures common to men and women are:
- putting thumbs behind a belt or handbag, in pockets;
- one or both hands on the hips;
- legs are spread wider than usual;
- extended intimate look;
- increased eye contact (more than two-thirds of the time of communication);
- a sidelong glance furtively;
- dilation of the pupils;
- general revitalization, increased muscle tone, body straightening;
- when the object of interest invades the intimate zone, they are not removed;
- copying gestures of the object of interest.

A. Pushkin and N. Goncharova

A.S. Pushkin described his attitude to female beauty, her magical influence in the fairy tale "The Golden Cockerel", and he was an expert in this matter, knew how to appreciate female beauty and paid with his life defending beauty.

In her essay "Natalia Goncharova (life and work)" M. Tsvetaeva asserts that Pushkin married Natalia because she was "zero", "because he was - everything." But this "zero" embodied brilliant beauty. She writes: “There was only one thing in her: beauty. Only - a beauty, simply - a beauty, without adjusting the mind, soul, heart, gift. Naked beauty, striking like a sword. And - struck. Simply - a beauty. It's just a genius". At the same time, he adds that their union is: “a pure manifestation of genius, as a pure manifestation of beauty. Beauty, i.e. emptiness ". Tsvetaeva. My Pushkin.
About the hopeless stupidity of Natalia Goncharova can be read in many memoirs of contemporaries, including in the letters of Pushkin, which, by the way, is also quoted by Tsvetaeva herself. But here I am interested in something else: Tsvetaeva's reasoning contains an idea that is shared by a lot of people, namely: a mind, even a genius, can create a “pair” with empty beauty.
From the dissertation for the competition Doctor of Social Sciences. S. V. Klimova

When both sons of Tsar Dodon did not return from the military campaign, he himself went with an army to search for them. Sees a silk tent
The battered army lies
Tsar Dodon hurries to the tent:
What a terrible picture!
Before him are his two sons
Without helmets and without armor
Both dead lie
Sword thrust into each other

The king howled: "Oh, children, children!
Woe hit me in the net
Both of our falcons!
Woe, my death has come

... Suddenly the tent opened: and the girl
Shamakhan queen,
All, shining like dawn,
Quietly met the king
Like a bird of night before the sun,
The king fell silent, looking into her eyes,
And he forgot before her
Death of both sons
Such an instant metamorphosis can occur only as a result of a narcotic effect, in this case the Shamakhan queen was a stimulating stimulus for the synthesis of endorphins - endogenous drugs. Not only young, but also mature men are exposed to the enchanting effects of beauty.
More - Poor love is a mania.
And then exactly a week,
Obeying her, definitely
Dodon feasted at her place
Then Dodon also kills the old man because of the beauty.

After all, Faina Ranevskaya said: "Beauty is a terrible power."
The narcotic effect of beauty was also noted in folk songs:
Wait, wait, my beauty
Let the joy look at you,
Your beauty drove me crazy
She dried up the good fellow
In the famous musical, the hero sings:
Don't leave me crazy dream,
Beauty turns a man into a slave.
Moreover, the hero himself admits and from the very beginning humbly accepts the abnormality of his condition:
Light illuminated my sick soul ...
Of course, beauty does not affect everyone in a similar, stunning way, like a drug , but only on people who have personal problems, people who are notorious, unbalanced.
More - Mental health is a prerequisite for love.

Case of life. The famous adventurer Marina Mniszek was the daughter of a wealthy Polish governor. Sixteen-year-old Marina bewitched False Dmitry I, who became the Russian Tsar in 1605, with her beauty. Then False Dmitry II appeared. The charming imperious polka bewitched him too, becoming a queen for the second time. The third contender for the royal throne was the desperately brave Cossack ataman Zarutsky. Passionately falling in love with Marina, he does everything to restore her to the throne, but the plan to seize power has failed. And the beauty was imprisoned in an impregnable tower in Kolomna. Protection under pain of death was forbidden to look the beauty in the face, to speak to her.

Perfect beauty, the most delightful appearance is worth nothing if no one admires them.
O. Balzac

Alfred Nobile, Sophie Hess, photo

Case of life. Alfred Nobile until the age of forty not only was not married, but he also treated women with skepticism and irony. He said: "I consider women as despots, encroaching on my time, the best occupation is science." Alfred met Sophie Hess in Baden Baden, where he was vacationing, and she came specially to pick up a rich gentleman.
Sophie worked as a flower girl on the outskirts of Vienna. She was from a poor Jewish family, silly, uneducated, cunning, but how she managed to subdue Alfred - a pretty face. When meeting, she told Alfred a pre-prepared, romantic story about her life. And this made a great impression on Alfred, he brought Sophie to Paris, hired a governess, a French teacher and a cook. They became lovers. Alfred did not constantly live with Sophie, he often left for scientific and industrial affairs, and then they corresponded.
Sophie came up with a heartwarming story about her poor health, she wrote about this in every letter and told him at meetings. Alfred trustingly, sympathetically reacted to this story, drove to expensive resorts, turned to the best professors for examination. Alfred bought Sophie a rich mansion in the Alps and deposited securities with a decent income in her name in the bank. He was jealous, and Sophie gave a lot of reasons for this, at the many resorts he sent her to, she started romances. From one of these novels, Sophie had a daughter, Alfred was very upset with this betrayal, but Sophie did not leave. She decided to marry her daughter's father, after their wedding, on the same day he fled. After her marriage, Alfred lived for a year and a half.
Their romantic relationship lasted 20 years. If you ask the question - what can connect the smartest, most educated nobleman and a simple, frivolous woman with an intellect at the level of hats, frills and soap operas - it was a pretty face and spontaneous chatter that acted on Alfred like a bewitching drug. And Alfred really assessed the relationship with Sophie, in a letter he wrote: ": you are completely devoid of conscience." Sophie never loved Alfred, she always tried to get as much money out of him as possible, even after her death she began to blackmail his relatives with the idea of publishing a memoir about their long-term relationship. After lengthy negotiations, the relatives managed to buy these memoirs from her for a decent amount.

Researchers estimate that when you first meet someone, the first impression of you depends 55% on your appearance and body language, 38% on your way of speaking, and only 7% on what you actually say.

As a result of the research, women rated men based on information about their economic wealth: the higher the wealth, the higher the assessment of the attractiveness of their appearance. The larger the wallet, the more attractive.
Daria Pogontseva "The modern idea of women about a handsome man" ("North Caucasian Psychological Bulletin", No. 10, 2012)

woman's head

Case of life. This is how d * Epine, a friend of the encyclopedists, with whom both Diderot and Rousseau maintained intellectually intimate relations, described herself: "I cannot be called beautiful, but I am not a freak, I am short, thin: my face is mocking, lively, interesting." The portrait of d * Epine has survived - she looks like a girl who has calmed down after a game, growing old in immobility, graceful, intelligent beyond her years, angular - sharp knees, sharp elbows, a sharp chin - frankly cunning and ugly. She broke someone's heart every now and then.
This beauty of a woman-child with irregular movable facial features satisfied the human soul's need for sincerity and naturalness: ugly movable features, all the charm of which is that they are indescribable. The play of the mind, not the luxury of the body, is a challenge to the mundane nature.
couple on the beach
A case from the life described by MM Zoshchenko in the story "Satedness".
"She was incredibly attractive. But it seemed that she was created only for love and for nothing else. her thoughts and intentions were directed at love . Nothing else interested or touched her. She seemed to be concentrated only only in one direction.
Many of the men she met were scorched by her passion. Some of them died because of their love for her. One hanged himself at the entrance of her house. Another shot at her and she was injured. The third nearly strangled her. The fourth spent a lot of money for her sake and was tried and exiled.
Her unhappy husband did not have the strength to leave her. Amazed, he looked at her connections, forgave her all sins. When he found out that I was dating her, he came to me, and silently laid a piece of paper on my desk - it was a list of her lovers".

Rating, who is the worst in the world. The American magazine FHM conducted a survey on the topic "Women of which countries are the worst?" 59 thousand readers from all over the world made the ten most terrible women:
1. Afghanistan
2. United Kingdom
3. Germany
4. USA
5. China
6. Russia
7. Albania
8. Turkey
9. France
10. India

Case of life. In 1876, a painting by the English artist Thomas Gainsborough, "Georgina, Duchess of Devonshire", was stolen from the Thomas Agnew private art gallery.
The robber was Adam Worth, he stole the painting, since the Duchess of Devonshire was surprisingly similar to his former mistress Kitty - a full-breasted, reddish, white-skinned beauty who had fled both from her husband and from her lover with a Cuban millionaire. Kitty was Worth's mistress for two years, but he retained a sensual memory of her until his death. When Worth was at large, the picture always hung over his bed, and after his next release, the first thing he did was to see the image of the woman of his dreams.
21 years later, after another release, the seriously ill Worth decided to return the painting with such a dear image to the son of the former owner of the painting, Morland Agnew. Every day he came to the Agnew gallery and looked at the portrait for hours. Parting with the painting turned out to be more difficult for Worth than he had expected, in order to drown out emotional experiences he began to drink. Soon the American magnate P. Morgan bought a portrait of the Duchess of Devonshire and took it to America. A few days later, Worth died of melancholy, unable to bear the separation from his beloved image.
Folk wisdom, through proverbs, proposes to be discriminating about beauty:
Do not drink water from your face
Not good for good, but good for good.
A clever one loves for character, and a fool for beauty
The one and the beauty whom the heart will love
Here are some tips in the songs:
"Why do you love beautiful girls?
Their fickle love "
"Beauty will save the world" - there is a statement, but not a family one, as life shows. This is confirmed by the examples of many broken up families of beautiful film actors. Excerpt from the notebook of the last husband of Marilyn Monroe, writer Arthur Miller: "I thought you were an angel, and you are a boring bitch:" And this is about the standard of beauty, the sex symbol of the twentieth century.

In recent years, the letters that come to my site are all on the same topic: how to achieve happiness in your personal life. Some complain about fate, others about men, but absolutely everyone wants simple recipes: what kind of relationship with men should you be like - brave and active or soft and expectant? What strategy should you take to keep him from slipping away? How to "squeeze" a man before marriage? And the main question: what "dolls" are in the greatest demand now?
Psychologist E. Belyakova "Love is not for the infantile!"

Individual preferences of beauty are diverse, Yuri, doctor: "I hate sharp knees. Whatever woman is: smart, beautiful, but if her knees are sharp, everything turns from the heart:" In marriage announcements you can find: "I am looking for a woman with very flat chested:; With very full hips: "
Great sayings about beauty:
Aesop: "You get used to beauty as well as to ugliness. You stop noticing them."
W. Shakespeare: "Could beauty ... have a better society than virtue?" Aphelios asks and hears Hamlet's answer: "The power of beauty is more likely to transform virtue from what it is into a prodigy, rather than the power of virtue to transform beauty into its own likeness."
I. Bunin "The Grammar of Love": "A beautiful woman should occupy the second step; the first belongs to a lovely woman."

Beauties, no matter how good you are,
The charm of appearance is instant,
The beauty of the face is not the beauty of the soul.
The seal of beauty, like any print,
Someday it will be erased and come down,
On the part of the man, the disadvantage:
To love is not the essence, but its patina.
The nature of beauty - another root
And all through and through is divine to the bottom,
And to this beauty, as to the power of the mountains,
Eternal love is planted in us.
That beauty shines through in the spiritual order
And You Can Never Be Old.
Ever blessed are the two who love,
Who Are Alive By The Force Of Her Good.
Only between them feeling is everything warmed ...
N. Baratashvili

Life has also confirmed that for harmoniously developed people, not appearance is the determining factor in the feeling of love, but the psychotype and character of a person. Another confirmation of this can be the fairy tales that are in the epics of many peoples: the Americans have this fairy tale "Beauty and the Beast", the Russians have the same fairy tale "The Scarlet Flower". In these fairy tales, a beautiful girl is forced to communicate with a monster under the pressure of circumstances. As a result of this communication, she has love , after which the monster turns into a handsome man. But if it were not for such a coincidence of life circumstances, a beautiful girl for a kilometer would have bypassed this monster - her happy love ... It was from a similar situation that the proverb "Suffer - fall in love" was born .

Love, if it really is love, is based on one premise: my love comes from the very depths of my being, and in another person I also perceive his true essence.
E. Fromm “The Art of Love”.

Case of life. Vasily is an entrepreneur, 42 years old, height 178 cm, good-looking, workaholic. He has a daughter from his first marriage. In the first marriage, relations with his wife were cool, but Vasily was not very upset, since he spent most of his time at work. To conduct new commercial transactions, he needed a telephone operator who would collect applications and inform about the product. He was recommended a disabled person of the 1st group from birth, a wheelchair user Nina, 26 years old. By this time, she graduated from college in absentia. Nina turned out to be a conscientious operator, besides receiving phone calls, she unobtrusively expressed her thoughts on organizing the business. Some of her advice turned out to be useful, and Vasily not only used them, but also began to discuss his commercial issues with Nina, first by phone, and then began to come to her house. Vasily not only liked to discuss his affairs, but during these conversations new decisions came up, he listened more and more to Nina's opinion. By the time Vasily arrived, Nina began to prepare dinners, and their communication became not formal.
Love arose. Vasily divorced his first wife and married Nina. They had two healthy children.

According to E. Laska, 75% of the women she surveyed and 56% of the college-age men would like to have physical attractiveness, estimated at 7 points on a seven-point scale.

Chris Downe and Philip Lyons investigated the amounts of fines and bail awarded by real judges in real trials; It analyzed the sentences handed down against 915 women and 1320 men charged with either serious or criminally punishable, but not very serious crimes. The researchers found that in cases where serious crimes were involved, the physical attractiveness of the accused did not influence the judge's decision; what comes to minor offenses, the judges were much more lenient with physically attractive defendants, sentencing them to pay significantly less than the amount of fines and smaller amounts of collateral than was done in relation to the relatively unattractive defendants.

Magic of the voice.

What women love with their ears is bullshit. This is more true for men.
Feminist Maria Arbatova.

Hearing is second only to sight in terms of its importance in our internal "information service."

The Sociological Service of Spain conducted a survey. Two thousand respondents aged 16 to 55 were asked the question: "How do you feel about male compliments?"
The results of the poll completely refuted (at least in Spain) the widespread notion that women love with their ears. Only 15% said that they are pleased to hear compliments, 25% show complete indifference to them, and 60% of almost all age categories simply hate them.

A person needs auditory sensations not only in order to learn about the physical processes taking place around and to correctly navigate in the world around him. Sounds embodied in live speech are code signals that transfer thought and, of course, feelings from person to person: named and unnamed, embodied in poems and songs, or breaking through insignificant chatter with reservations and tenderness.
Hearing perceives the secrets of speech: a promise or agreement, joy or anguish, recognition or expectation. He reveals a wealth of feelings and aspirations, expressing all the intimate charm and magic of mutual idealization of lovers.
But the magic of the voice acts not only as a direct, direct expression of love with the help of the concrete meaning of the spoken words. Speech can excite and excite, even when there are no acknowledgments or hints of a person's intimate feelings and desires. The ear perceives the flow of words as a specific melody. Sometimes we get pleasure without even delving into the exact meaning of what was said.
Language loses its usual character of a sign system: even if the one who listens to words fully understands their semantic meaning, it does not reach his consciousness. During the most tender conversations of lovers in an intimate setting, the meaning of the words gradually disappears, imperceptibly passing into the melody of the voice, into the intonation: the "exchange of information" continues, but the meaning of the words is no longer important. Hearing transfers the lover from the experience of direct contemplation to the awakening of feeling. We love to listen to someone who is not indifferent to us, but it happens and vice versa - when someone says many pleasant, exciting words to us, we begin to like the voice that pronounces them.

Talk so I can see you

NLP typology divides people into visuals, audials and kinesthetics, in whom which channel of information perception is better developed.

Apparently the auditor belongs to Doctor of Psychology N.I. Kozlov, from his story. “After I divorced in my first marriage (my wife was the initiator of the divorce), I was in active search for 6 years. Although I had a wide choice of smart and beautiful applicants, I have conducted seminars, trainings and other various social events. And when Marina began to speak, I said to myself: “Oh, be attentive. Her voice is what sets her apart from all other women. The voice is free, slightly lowered, not high, not a cock, a voice with a velvet sound, chest resonators are connected. The voice sounds like a good violin. The thought arose, I would like to hear this voice for the rest of my life". The result is a friendly, large family. Marina became not only a beloved and loving wife, but also a colleague, a companion, an irreplaceable business partner.

In our library of books and videos "Love, family, sex and about ..." A large selection of books on NLP and 12 books by Doctor of Psychology N.I. Kozlov.

Since ancient times, a conversation has been the first weapon of love feelings, when one cannot yet touch and it is no longer enough to just see. The song capabilities of the human voice are especially important for arousing love feelings. On the one hand, a person's singing with the help of a melody conveys certain feelings. The musical sound of the voice reveals and emphasizes the characteristic features of the temperament.
"The sound of sweet-sounding sirens", described by Homer in the "Odyssey", could not be resisted by any of the sailors, and the only way not to be captured by them was to plug their ears. Cleopatra, according to contemporaries, had such a charming voice that neither the wise Caesar nor the ardent warrior Mark Antony could resist its sound, and there were many more willing men who were ready to give their lives for a night with her.
... By the inevitable charm
They catch seafaring people coming close to them.
Who, unknowingly, approaching those two sorceresses, their sweet
He hears the voice, neither wife nor minors
You cannot comfort your home with a welcome return:
They will enchant him with sweet singing, on the bright
Sitting in the meadow; and in this meadow the human is turning white
Many bones, and scattered smoldering skins there are rags.
and the only way not to be captured by them was to plug their ears.
It was for the unusual timbre of his voice that I.S. Turgenev was in love with P. Viardot when he listened to her at home concerts, he not only could not hold back tears, but walked aside and sobbed, while his entire mighty body was shaking.
And what is the only gentle whisper of Sophia Loren, Claudia Cardinale spoke in low chest, slightly hoarse voices, some directors considered their speech overly sexual and replaced on the screen with more neutral voices.
There is even such a legend. During World War II, there was a wave of desertions in the ranks of the US Navy. It turned out to be caused by the incredibly sexy voice of the Japanese announcer, who, during programs for American sailors, made them get excited and begin to rush home, to their beloved wives and girls. The Americans stole and executed this sweet-voiced siren.
The widow of the People's Artist of the USSR Yuri Bogatikov: "We had a difficult relationship with him, after all, a late marriage. He was certainly the leader and head of the family, and I am a wife, a housewife. I sat down and listened, regardless of whether he sings a song, a separate element, or just sings without words. His voice affects me simply bewitching. I never get tired of listening to him, if I hear him on the radio, see on TV, drop everything and listen...".

After the revolution in the 20s of the last century, a drinking and smoking woman, rude and sexy, was attractive; during industrialization, strong, well-fed women were in vogue, driving either a tractor or a blacksmith press. During the heyday of socialism, modest and domestic women became fashionable; after perestroika, fashion returned to the standards of the 1920s.

Pheromones and aphrodisiacs.

In the 19th century, French naturalist Jean Henri Fabre discovered that the female royal moth attracted males with secretions from her abdomen. Substances produced in order to influence members of their own species are called pheromones.

Despite the long history of the study of pheromones, only in recent years have there been studies on pheromones in humans. One of the explanations for this is the widespread belief among scientists that pheromones have almost no effect on the behavior of humans and great apes, since in the evolutionary branch, including the small monkeys of the Old World, great apes and humans, in the course of evolution there was a gradual weakening of the olfactory analyzer with a simultaneous development of the visual.

For many years, scientists believed that the olfactory assessment system, which includes the vomeronasal organ, is rudimentary in humans and does not function. However, recent studies have revealed that the human vomeronasal organ is actually sensitive to certain pheromones. A number of studies (including an experiment using used shirts) have shown that the sense of smell can be used to determine gender, to distinguish siblings from non-relatives, children from the same family from children from other families. It has also been shown that women in the ovulation phase prefer the tees worn by symmetrical men. Women's preference for the smell of men with symmetry is most pronounced during the monthly peak of fertility.

It was revealed that the chemical composition of sweat during falling in love changes.

In one experiment, researchers isolated a group of pheromones from the axillary sweat glands of men. An alcoholic solution of this substance was prepared, and it was applied to the upper lip of women. Regardless of whether the tampon was moistened with pure alcohol or an alcoholic solution of pheromone, women said that they only smell alcohol. However, 12-14 weeks after that in women with irregular menstrual cycles, they became regular. It was concluded that some unknown male pheromonal factor stimulates the normalization of the cycle in women, which certainly increases reproductive potential.

There is a story when Napoleon, returning from another military campaign, asked his wife Josephine in a letter not to take a bath before their meeting.

Aphrodisiacs are substances that stimulate sexual desire and sexual activity, as opposed to anaphrodisiacs, which interfere with obtaining sexual pleasure or suppress the desire. Traditionally, these include products of plant and animal origin.

Harem sorcerers actively used a wide variety of aroma products from smoking aromas to essential oils, which were also used for massage, to please their overlords. Similar properties were attributed to some flowers of roses, violets, daffodils, with which the harem divas surrounded themselves.

Advice on the use of foods that increase sexual activity is more credible: ginseng, nuts, figs, grapes, apricots, pomegranate, pistachios, ginger, fennel, almonds, cloves, cinnamon, saffron gum, asparagus, celery, onions (it was called "(The spring of love"), mushrooms, carrots, black pepper and of course honey. Celery is especially distinguished, which was attributed to a special magical power. A bunch of celery, placed under a pillow, was considered the most sure way to fuel passion.

There is an ancient belief that lives on to this day, according to which some foods arouse sexual desire, such as raw meat, eggs, oysters, peppers, mint. In reality, the most effective stimulants are rye cakes, pumpkin seeds, dried fruits, mushrooms, nettles, and volunteer apples.
Z. Freud

In fairness, it should be noted that there is no reliable scientific confirmation of the actions of aphrodisiacs, and the fact that you can find mention of them in advertising of perfumery products is more of a marketing trick.

It would be nice if stimulant lovers heed the advice of Nick Douglas and Penny Slinger, authors of Secrets of Gender: “It is worth repeating that a healthy lifestyle is the surest of all aphrodisiacs. Indeed, it is preferable not to necessitate the need to rely on external aids for a satisfactory sex life. Then the use of stimulants in very special cases can become an event of a completely different nature".

E Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet Club "ENLIGHTENED LOVE"

This is one of the chapters of the book "LOVE! GOOD OR EVIL? Psychological dimensions.

This is a page from the section Psychology of Love

Related articles:

The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.

What is love. E. Pushkarev

Briefly about love. E. Pushkarev

Falling in love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: compatibility, love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev

Psychology of love. E. Pushkarev

Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.

Beauty and love. S. Vorkachev

Psychological health is a prerequisite for love. E. Pushkarev

About self- love. E. Pushkarev

On the feeling of insecurity. O. Martynova

Sigmund Freud about love.

In our library of books and videos (which can be downloaded for free): "Love, family, sex and about ..." nearly 1800 storage units. There is also on the topic of this article.

Elena Adams "Beauty Secrets"

Vera Birkenbil "The language of intonation, facial expressions, gestures"

Gaston Durville, André Durville in collaboration with the artist Emile Bailly "Reading in the face of character, temperament and morbid dispositions"

Allan Pease "Body language. How to read minds by gestures "

Nikolay Prokhorov "Views and Gestures"

Nikolay Ravensky “How to read a person. Facial features, gestures, postures, facial expressions "

Oksana Sergeeva “Sign language. How to read minds without words? 49 simple rules "

Robert Whiteside “What faces are talking about. A guide on how to recognize the right person "

Paul Ekman, Wallace Friesen "Recognize a Liar by Facial Expression"

Sergey Stepanov “The language of appearance. Facial gestures, facial features, handwriting and clothing. The art of seeing a person through and through, focusing on the subtlest nuances of his appearance "

Garnik Kocharyan "Human sex pheromones (the latest sexology)"

and others.

Эрих Фромм

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Экология и драматургия любви

Наш сайт о природе любви мужчины и женщины: истоки, течение, около любовные переживания и расстройства.

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Из книги вы узнаете: любовь между мужчиной и женщиной исключительно положительное чувство. А очень похожая влюбленность с любовью никак не связана. А недоброкачественная влюбленность - мания, она же "наркоманическая любовь", "сверхизбирательная любовь" "folle amore" (безумная любовь (ит.) не только никакого отношения к любви не имеет, а и совсем болезненное расстройство.

А научиться их различать не так уж и сложно.

У человека нет врожденного дара, отличать любовь от влюбленностей, других

псевдолюбовных состояний это можно сделать только овладев знаниями.

Жизнь удалась

Примеры настоящей любви

Пара влюбленных

Драматичные влюбленности известных людей, которые не сделали их счастливыми