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Poor quality falling in love - eros. End. E. Pushkarev

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psychology of love and sex

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Types of sexual constitution.

An Erosian is usually a person with a strong sexual constitution, it depends on many parameters - the level of sex hormones, sexual differentiation of the brain, psychosexual development, puberty and other factors, the following development gives an idea of this.
Scientific and Methodological Center for Sexopathology under the leadership of G.S. Vasilchenko distinguishes three types of human sexual constitution - strong, medium and weak.
A strong sexual constitution consists of the following components:
In women:
the onset of regular menstruation at 9-11 years of age and earlier;
early awakening of sexual desire - at 8-10 years old and even earlier;
frequent masturbation;
the first orgasm at the age of 11-17 and earlier, before the onset of regular sexual activity;
the onset of pregnancy immediately after the onset of sexual activity and even with contraception;
the normal course of pregnancy;
lack of sexual dysfunction;
tendency to male type of hair growth ("antennae" on the upper lip, hairs on the chin);
the ratio of body height to her leg length is from 2.01 to 2.05.
In men:
early awakening of sexual desire - at 9-11 years old and even earlier;
the first ejaculation as a result of pollution, masturbation or sexual intercourse - at the age of 10-12;
frequent masturbation, maybe even in adulthood;
the maximum number of ejaculations during the day is 7-9 or more;
failures during intercourse - never happen;
a sharp increase in sexual desire, erection and duration of sexual intercourse in a state of alcoholic intoxication;
lack of sexual dysfunction;
male-type pubic hair - in the form of a triangle with the apex facing the navel, and strong body hair;
the ratio of a man's height to the length of his leg is 1.99 - 2 or more.
The average sexual constitution consists of the following components:
In women:
the onset of regular menstruation at 12-14 years old;
awakening of sexual desire at 11-13 years old;
relatively rare masturbation;
the first orgasm - at 18-30 years old, or 3 - 12 months after the start of regular sexual activity;
the timing of pregnancy after the onset of sexual activity - from 2-3 months to 1-2 years; normal pregnancy or mild toxicosis;
sexual dysfunction - rarely;
female hairiness of the pubis - with a horizontal line of pubic hair;
the ratio of body height to leg length - from 1.97 to 2.
In men:
awakening of sexual desire - at 12-14 years old;
the first ejaculation as a result of pollution, masturbation or sexual intercourse - at the age of 13-15;
masturbation - frequent, in adolescence;
the maximum number of ejaculations per day is 4-6;
failures during intercourse are very rare;
increased sexual desire, erection and duration of sexual intercourse while intoxicated;
sexual dysfunction - rarely;
male pubic hair growth - rises to the navel;
the ratio of height and leg length is 1.92-1.98.
A weak sexual constitution consists of the following components:
In women:
the onset of menstruation - at 15-17 years of age and later;
possible menstrual irregularities;
awakening of sexual desire - 14-17 years old and later;
masturbation - absent;
the first orgasm - at 31-34 years and later, or 1 - 10 years after the onset of regular sexual activity, or absent;
the timing of pregnancy after the onset of sexual activity - from 3 to 10 years or more;
pregnancy with the threat of termination, severe toxicosis;
sexual dysfunctions are not uncommon;
pubic hair - weak vellus or absent;
the ratio of height to leg length - 1.88 - 1.96.
In men: awakening of sexual desire - 15-17 years old and later;
first ejaculation as a result of wet emission, masturbation or sexual intercourse - 16-19 years of age or later;
masturbation - absent or rarely in adolescence;
the maximum number of ejaculations during the day is 2-3;
failure during intercourse - sometimes;
sexual dysfunctions are not uncommon;
pubic hair - sparse vellus hair or female-pattern hair with a horizontal line of pubic hair;
the ratio of height and leg length - 1.85 - 1.91.

The length of the leg is measured from the upper protrusion on the femur, it is called the trochanter (translated from Latin as "tubercle"), it is also called the large trochanter of the femur (it is easily palpable if you shake the hips slightly) ) to the floor.
The ratio of height to leg length is called the trochanteric index, which testifies to the sexual constitution.

An example of the ratio of the lengths of a large Woman's second and second fingers Woman with a strong sexual constitution.
the foot of a girl with a strong sexual constitution. Another physiological sign of the type of sexual constitution is the ratio of the lengths of the big and second toes. So, it turns out that in people with a weak sexual constitution the big toe is the longest, in people with an average sexual constitution it is comparable to the second toe, and with a strong one it is shorter than the second toe by 3-10 millimeters. Here the popular omen finds its confirmation: if on the foot the second toe is longer than the first - to be your master in the house.

Other physiological signs of the type of sexual constitution are given in Sexuality. Robert Crooks, Karla Baur.

Define your sexual: permissiveness, fulfillment, neuroticism, satisfaction / dissatisfaction, disappointment, shyness, chastity, aversion to sex, excitability, libido.
Addiction to impersonal sex, pornography, physical sex, aggressive sex.

In the Kamasutra, a lot of attention is paid to classifications.
People are divided into "sluggish", "average" and "passionate" (6.14-15),
men - on "fast", "medium" and "slow" (6.17);

In our library "Love, family, sex and about ..." there are books:
Ilya Roshal “Kamasutra. On the methods of reclining. Textbook of Love "(with pictures)
Sergey Samsonov “Kamasutra. Encyclopedia of Love "(with pictures)
"Kamasutra" (with pictures)
"Kamasutra for extremals" (with pictures)
“Kamasutra in French. Only for women"

Love and lust.

Love is not born immediately, only lust immediately arises.
Those who cannot distinguish love from lust are doomed to suffering.
Angel de Cuatier

Below are historical references and statements about how love and sex correlate (as a synonym for lust ) the most famous specialists in this field.

First, what came before homo sapiens.
From the book of the Nobel Prize laureate Konrad Lorenz "The Year of the Gray Goose". The book is in our library :
"Love and sex" exist separately in the goose's life. When combined, they reliably bind a pair, but quite often they are observed independently of each other. Under normal circumstances, the gander leads active courtship. The goose, on the other hand, only accepts courtship, and therefore at the disposal of the goose in love there is no system of behavior in order to gain the attention of its beloved. She does not have the techniques that, as we have seen, the gander resorts to. The goose can only seem to accidentally keep somewhere close to its chosen one and closely follow him with his eyes. ("Playing with the eyes" apparently occupies an important place in the life of gray geese, as well as in the life of other birds) ".
If we continue the logical chain of the fact noted by K. Lorenz, if in the life of geese love and sex exist separately, then in other animals and humans, love and sex are also separate.

The ancient world.
Among the ancient Greeks, the terminology associated with the concept of "love" was more differentiated than the modern one. To highlight different aspects of love, in addition to the term "eros", the term "philia" was also used, which meant not only "to be loved", but also "to be close", "dear", "philos" meant "friend" or "relative". It was "philia" that was key in Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics (books eighth and ninth). He believed that philia is objective in itself, but is characteristic only of noble and just people.
The true goal and meaning of love in the understanding of Aristotle was precisely in friendship, and not in sensual attraction - eros. He wrote: "Love, therefore, comes more from friendship than from sensual attraction. But if most of all from friendship, then friendship is the goal of love. Consequently, sensual attraction is either not a goal at all, or it is for the sake of friendship." For the ancient Greeks, in the hierarchy of their moral values, love took a place subordinated to friendship, with which the good of both two and the whole society was tied.

Love is a striving for rapprochement, caused by the appearance of beauty, and it is directed not towards intercourse, but towards friendship.

The separation of the physical and mental was also emphasized in the worship of various gods. Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty, and the deity Eros was personified as a force under the influence of which people fall in love and indulge in bodily pleasures.

Plato began to reveal the essence of "pure love" and explain how it differs from the physiological instinct or sense gratification. "Androgynous integrity of personality" is the idea of the first theory of love in the history of mankind created by Plato twenty four centuries ago, the result of which was: love is the desire to restore a divided single essence, this is "the thirst for integrity and the desire for it." Together with this, healing occurs the flaws of human nature and their compensation, and thus man overcomes his earthly imperfection.Already in the very first theory of love, the idea arose about the special power of love, about its role as a corrector of human nature, and in this capacity it becomes a universal and life-giving force capable of transforming the world.

Love and lust are completely different, even opposite, mutually exclusive feelings, at the moment when a person really loves, he does not even think of bodily union with a beloved being.

The ideal of Plato was love - friendship, the subordination of love to the common task of saving man, highlighting not sensuality and pleasures, but spiritual work.
Doctor of Philosophy. V.M. Rozin

It turns out that love for Socrates and Plato is only a spiritual matter - friendship, personal improvement, striving for good and immortality. Doctor of Philosophy V.M. Rozin

For Plato, love is a spiritual ascent to the absolute, free from sensual attraction. Doctor of Philosophy, Doctor of Philology P.S. Gurevich

Moreover, Plato already lowers the status of Eros from a deity to a demon (the purpose of demons is to be mediators between gods and people, they transmit to people, in a dream or in reality, divine orders and instructions). It may be recalled that Plato is the discoverer of the transformation, sublimation of sexual energy into spiritual, creativity (the successors of Nietzsche, Freud).

Ancient Greek philosopher Archytas: “The most destructive scourge that only nature could give to people is carnal pleasure; passions thirsting for this pleasure, recklessly and irresistibly strive for satisfaction - hence the cases of betrayal of the fatherland, hence the cases of the overthrow of the state system ... in a word, there is no crime, no evil deed, to which a passionate desire for carnal pleasure would not push a person". In the treatise "On Old Age", quoting these lines, Archita continues: "The passion for love pleasures generates crimes, it leads to incest and even to betrayal of the homeland. Love passion kills the mind in a person, therefore, nowhere is abstinence and moderation so necessary as in love."

In ancient mythology, Hestia is the goddess of the family hearth, not subject to the power of Aphrodite and Eros.

Marsilio Ficino "Commentary on Plato's Feast": "Desire for intercourse and love are not similar, but opposite concepts."

Leo Tolstoy wrote that for true love a transition into sensual attraction is impossible, moreover, it should be the best defender against sensuality, which he considered sinful. But he himself sinned a lot, then he was deeply worried, atoned for his sins, but was not able to resist them for a long time.

Spiritual love is called by the same word - love for God and neighbor, and carnal love of a man for a woman or a woman for a man. This is a big mistake. There is nothing in common between these two feelings. The first - spiritual love for God and neighbor - is the voice of God, the second - sexual love between a man and a woman - the voice of an animal.
L.N. Tolstoy

Statements about how love and eros correlate, the driving force behind which is sex, the realization of the most famous specialists in this field.
Erich Fromm "The Art of Love" (The book is in our library ): "Erotic love is the most deceptive form love. Erotic love is often confused with a lively, mobile, stormy experience of "falling in love" when the obstacles that existed up to a certain moment between two strangers are magically crushed. But this experience of sudden intimacy by its very nature is short-lived".
"Erotic love is often understood as an unproductive form of love - love based on possession, or selfishness together. Their experience of being connected is an illusion. True love makes its choice, but in another person it loves all of humanity, everything that is alive. It is only preferable. in the sense that I can unite myself completely and firmly with only one person. Erotic love excludes love for others only in relation to erotic fusion, complete unification in all aspects of life, but not in the sense of deep brotherly love. "
“Due to the fact that sexual desire in the understanding of most people is connected with the idea of love, they easily fall into the delusion that they love each other when they are physically attracted to each other. When the desire for sexual confusion is caused by love, then physical intimacy is devoid of greed, the need to conquer or be subdued, but is full of tenderness. If the desire for physical union is not motivated by love, if erotic love is not yet complemented by brotherly love, this will never lead to a unity that would be more than an orgiastic transitory union. Sexual attraction creates for a brief moment the illusion of unity, but without love, this unity leaves strangers as strangers to each other as they were before. Sometimes it makes them ashamed and even hate each other, because when the illusion disappears, they feel their alienation even more than before. "
"In those cases when physical intimacy is a consequence of love, then it is devoid of greed, the need to conquer or be subdued, but full of tenderness. Tenderness does not mean, as Freud thought, a sublimation of the sexual instinct; it is a direct result of brotherly love, and it present in both physical and non-physical forms of love".

Loneliness will set our nets more than once for us,
And we, naive, deceived, again,
Let us take the languor of the flesh for love.
A. S. Pushkin
R. Descartes divided love into: benevolent love and love-lust.
V.S. Soloviev. “The meaning of love” “... the physiological has no definite relation to love. It happens without love, and love happens without it. It is necessary for love not as its indispensable condition and independent goal, but only as its final realization. If this realization is set as a goal in itself before the ideal deed of love, it destroys love". He divided love into ascending and descending.

Only the soul can truly love.
I.S. Turgenev

ON. Berdyaev considered individualization, irreplaceability, personality of the object of choice as a sign that allows one to separate love from sensual attraction : “Love is personal, individual, aimed at a single, irreplaceable person. Sex drive, however, easily agrees to be replaced". He divided love into: love-eros and love-caritas.

"About the phenomenon of love, which is completely different from the phenomenon of physiological satisfaction of sexual desire, and from the phenomenon of the social organization of family life in the family, no one even mentions.
True love is the most powerful remedy against sex lust, which is the source of man's bondage and fall".
N.A. Berdyaev, "On the appointment of a person"

“The higher, - wrote S. Lewis, - does not stand without the lower”. He divided love into: love - need and love - gift.
Proponents of the transvital theory of love (Simmel, Buber, Scheler, Frank) believe that the nature of love has no direct connection with sexual needs and functions. Love, although it can arise on the basis of sexual attraction, which sometimes serves as a precondition for the emergence of love feelings, but as such is not identical and is not subject to them, at the same time, it can coexist quite harmoniously.
The famous American sexologists, the Masters and Johnson, in their book On Love and Sex: "Some moralists would be happy if it was possible to prove the inferiority of sex without love. However, there is no sign that such sex is less satisfying than in the case of If you love. ”We have encountered hundreds of close, loving relationships, the sexual side of which left much to be desired, and at the same time we know hundreds of people enjoying sex without loving their partners.
Another aspect of the problem deserves attention. Relationships based on love, if they are quite successful, serve as a kind of protection from the often consumer attitude towards the sexual partner".

Love forgives the beloved even his lust.
F. Nietzsche

From the book of Doctor of Philosophy. V.M. Rosina "Love and sexuality in culture, family and views on sex education" (The book is in our library ): “… The main, leading principle in love is not sex drive, not libido, but love behavior, idea, concept of love. They can both connect with corporeality and disconnect from it. You can even make a stronger assumption: it is the love behavior, the idea, the concept of love, projecting onto the chosen corporeality, that mold and mold it ”.
"I am sure that the whole in love is not sexual attraction, bodily pleasure, communication or family, but a person (the subject of love is a person), therefore, everything listed in love is transformed and established in a new way".

The same idea was expressed in his own way by another Doctor of Philosophy. L.V. Zharov: “Love, in essence, does not need bodily contact. Moreover, the body is often the main obstacle to love, especially in its physiological manifestations. For love, it would be better to have an ethereal, angelic body, or what people should find in paradise".

VM Rozin (born 1937), Doctor of Philosophy: “I remember my mother once said:“ My father and I have loved each other all our lives, and in our time and in our circle many lived like that. We haven't heard of any sex. Sex is a disgusting word, it is something immoral, maybe not debauchery, but not love either". This statement, cited by a famous philosopher, may be a supplement or, more precisely, the reverse side of the medal of the famous statement "There is no sex in the USSR" - and not everyone regretted it. There were entire epochs, for example the Middle Ages, in which there was also "no sex", but there was lust, In this way, people lived "multiplying and multiplying" more successfully than in our time, when sex has acquired obsessive forms.
D. Philos. V.M. Rozin "Sexual revolution at the turn of the century" : "In the last (XIX) century, there were still discussions - not is sex a kind of love? Today, however, their complete divergence has become apparent. Sex is no longer covered with a love veil, but openly declares: yes, my goal is only pleasure, yes, I am a commodity, and as a commodity I don’t owe anything to anyone, and, really, it’s ridiculous to make moral demands on me ... ”
D. Philos. L.V. Zharov “Love may not coincide with sexual attraction and even interfere with it ... Love may not lead to sex, even deny it as the animal side of man. In turn, sex often does not require love or even just sympathy for another person".

"... because, as I told you, sex and love are completely different things."
Ethologist, Doctor of History M.L. Butovskaya "Power, Gender and Reproductive Success". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ...".

... The most depraved people, as if completely gone into one sexuality, experience from time to time a painful longing for love.
Russian philosopher V. Zenkovsky

Candidate of cultural studies A.V. Sevryuk: “For European culture, love is associated with the body, and for Russian culture - with the soul, with spiritual concepts and family. Family is the goal of love in Russian culture. Love and family are understood as the spiritual union of two people, while the physical side of love is not denied, but is seen as secondary to the spiritual feeling".

In carnal love there is no place for reverence and respect for a beloved creature, which is why it awakens the beast in a person, it doesn't matter if he is seized with anger or an outburst of passion.
A. Dode

From the book of Osho (Bhagwan Shri Rajneesh neo-Hindu guru): "Sex is the road to love and spirituality": "It seems that humanity is too suppressed. Therefore, people invented substitute words. In the Western world they do not say:" We have sex ", there They say, “We are making love.” This is a substitute word. And this is false, because love belongs to a completely different dimension. Having sex means having sex, it is not making love. Love can include sex, but still it has different quality ".

“Love comes only when sex leaves. Until then, love is just a lure, a preliminary game and nothing else".

Osho even deduced the formula: "the more sex between people, the less love"

A. Maslow “Motivation and personality”: “Adler, for example, already in 1908 came to the conclusion that the need for love cannot be derived from the sexual need".

A. Maslow believes that the need for love and communication are inalienable qualities of a person, the absence of such needs is a sign of pathology. "Who said," he says, "that a lack of love is less important than a lack of vitamins?" At the same time, a humanist psychologist emphasizes that love is not a synonym for sex. He relates sex to physiological needs, and sexual behavior is subordinated to love and affection and is regulated by them, as the most developed forms of human interaction.
From the book of Professor Zygmunt Bauman “Individualized Society” : “Sex, eroticism and love are related, but they exist separately ... They can hardly do without each other, but their existence takes place in a continuous war for independence. The border between them is the subject of heated debate or (and often at the same time) the site of defensive battles or invasions. Sometimes the logic of war requires that relations of subordination between countries with a common border be contained or terminated; sometimes the invading army crosses the frontiers by force with the intention of conquering and subjugating the territory that opens on the other side of the frontier. Torn apart by such contradictory impulses, these three spheres are known for their indistinct boundaries, and the three words that designate them (or, perhaps, constitute) do not differ in any clear meaning and almost do not admit pedantry and precision. ... of all of them, it is on sex, Octavio Paz reminds us, that the faintest human imprint lies".

V. Frankl "A man in search of meaning": "For the one who loves, it is no longer enough to excite the corresponding physical or emotional state - he is really affected only by the spiritual closeness of the partner."

V. Frankl about love. M.E. Litvak

And one should not burden him with mysticism. Sex is not love. But it needs to be built in ...
"The ABC of Sex" V. Zhirinovsky, V. Yurovitsky.

From the book by Robert Crooks, Karl Baur "Sexuality" (The book is in our library ): "Although we tend to associate sex with love, the nature of this relationship is far from always obvious.There is no doubt that some couples, both unmarried and married, are in sexual relations, not feeling love for each other. On the contrary, love can exist regardless of the presence sexual desire or any form of sexual activity".

According to Sarah Meyers and Ellen Berscheid, the words “I love you, but not in love” mean the following: “I like you. I care what happens to you. I think you are wonderful, but I am not sexually attracted to you. My feeling is storge (friendship), not erros (passion) ”(Meyers, Berscheid, 1997).

From T. Reik's book "On Love and Lust": "I am sure that love and sex are different in nature and origin. Sex is a biological instinct aimed only at relieving physical tension, and love is a product of culture, which aims to achieve happiness by establishing a very close personal relationship".
From O. Weininger's book "Gender and Character" (The book is in our library ): "Love and < A href = "http://www.lyubi.ru/psy2.php#a2" target = _blank> lust - these are two states, so different, opposite, excluding each other, that it seems impossible for a person to think about bodily unity with a beloved being in those moments when they are imbued with a feeling of true love ... A person lies or, at best, does not know what he is talking about when he claims that he still loves a woman for whom he has a passion: love is so different among themselves and sex drive ... there is only platonic love. Everything else that is designated by the name love is simply disgusting ... one unintentional, most accidental bodily touch to a beloved creature: it evokes passion and immediately kills love".

Passion cannot be friends with deep love,
If he can, then they will not be together for long.
Omar Khayam

Even earlier, Plato taught that passion (pathos in Greek) is an aspect that only distracts from the essence of love.

From the book by Morgan Scott Peck "UNBROWNED ROAD, a new psychology of love, traditional values and spiritual development" (The book is in our library < / A>):
“It is obvious - and usually indisputable - that sexual activity and love, although they occur simultaneously, are most often not connected in any way; in essence, these phenomena are completely different. Sexual intercourse itself is not an act of love. Nevertheless, the experience of sexual intercourse and, in particular, orgasm (even with masturbation) is also associated with more or less destruction of the boundaries of the ego and the accompanying rapture. Thanks to this expansion of boundaries, we can, turning to a prostitute in a moment of pleasure, exclaim "I love you!" or "My God!", but a few seconds later, when the borders fall into place and the doors of our Self are shut, we will have no passion or interest for her".

Love is the superiority of a person's soul over his body.

Love arises as a result of growing trust and only secondarily includes sexuality as a "premium pleasure".
Peter Kutter

… In the Russian word "to love" the spiritual component is actual and the carnal component of feeling is neutralized. In Spanish, by contrast, we see an emphasis on gender relations. In the Chinese language, in this regard, one can also note the parallel existence of love and sexual attraction (in general, they have nothing to do with each other).
Philologist Ch. Chingwo (Taiwan) "Multilingual contrastive analysis of synonymous series in the description of a cultural concept: the concept" LOVE "in English, Russian, Spanish and Chinese linguistic pictures of the world"

Research leader is an anthropologist, Professor Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, New Brunswick. The volunteers were shown photographs of their loved ones and at the same time scanned the brain: the mechanism of activation and the zones of certain parts of the brain were very different from what happens during sexual arousal. Love and sex are completely different phenomena, sometimes not even connected with each other, notes H. Fischer.

H. Fischer: “ Lust - a passionate desire for sexual satisfaction is mainly associated with the hormone testosterone: like men and women. Romantic love - with the natural stimulant dopamine and possibly norepinephrine and serotonin. And the feeling of affection between a man and a woman is generated mainly by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. … Each of these basic drives travels in the brain along different paths. Each generates different behaviors, hopes and dreams. And each is associated with a different neurochemistry".
“Why we love. The nature and chemistry of romantic love ”. 2012 The book is in our library: "Love, family, sex and about ..." .

Even the lust we feel for a woman is directed only towards the desire to get rid of the torment generated by an ardent and violent desire ; we only yearn to quench it and calm ourselves, free from this fever.
M. Montaigne

From the book of Professor V. Albisetti "LOVE: How to Stay Together All Your Life": "The mass media have a programming effect on thoughts and feelings: now all people think and love the same - or believe that they love.
Feeling sexually attracted to a partner, a person believes that he has found great love. Moreover, it is taken as proof of the intensity and correctness of the relationship, when in fact it is just proof of a deep inability to communicate in other ways.
For falling in love, sex is critical; in a love relationship, it is optional. Many people consider themselves "cunning", living the way they live: more in love than in love. But they only behave this way because they do not want to admit the poverty of their emotions and their inability to communicate in any other way than sexual".

Various feelings of love and being in love. E. Pushkarev.

From the book V. Albisetti “THERAPY OF MARRIED LOVE. How to live your whole life together ":" We know very well that for the majority of our contemporaries, sexual activity is not associated with love. Many have sex only for pleasure, relaxation, and also in order to prove something, to compensate for certain shortcomings or complexes, due to exhibitionism or conformism - because everyone does this; or for the sake of power, domination over another person, or even in order to humiliate him".
(Books are in our library )

Polish psychotherapist and sexologist Zbínev Lev-Starovich "Sex in the world's cultures" specially studied and systematized how love and sex unite in the cultures of the world, he identified five models:
a) platonic model. In it we are confronted with asexual, spiritualized, deeroticized love. Sex in this model is interpreted as something base, and the goal of a person is to achieve the highest, asexual love. This model is typical for both Christianity and some areas of Buddhism.
b) sensual model. In her, love is identified with desire, sensuality. Sex is its axis, the main point (Islam, muru culture, sexual love in the culture of the West).
c) integral, psychophysical model. In it, love and sex are inseparable, they form a unity (this understanding is characteristic of some so-called primitive cultures, most great cultures, some areas of Christianity).
d) model of opposition of love and sex. In it, love and sex are treated as opposite spheres. Sex can be without love, sexual contacts between partners can occur without a sensory basis (orgiastic cultures, the so-called style of cool sex, some primitive cultures).
e) a model of sex without love, in which a man and a woman are united only by sex, between them only a certain sympathy, affection and nothing more is possible. This pattern is most commonly found in primitive cultures.

“Those countries where sex prevails over love are historically doomed, their degradation is inevitable, which, however, is already noticeable with the naked eye.
Individual sexual love (erotic love, romantic love), as already mentioned, has nothing to do with sex".
D. political science Alex Battler "On Love, Family and State." The book is in our library

“However, sex is that side of the human being that remains outside of cultural change in its key aspect. Basically, it is always the same. Only erotic sublimations of sex, fantasies, substitutions, attributes and external projections change. In the history of mankind, one can observe only the evolution of cultural manipulation of sex, attempts to make sex work for something else - love, psychology, art, religious revelation, profit making".
Victor Tancher "Sociology of Intimacy: Erotica and Love in Postmodern Dexonstruction".

Above were the statements of authoritative professionals about the relationship between love and sex, but there is also sociological research. J. Forgos and P. Dobots “Dimentions of romantic involvement // Social psychology quarterly. - 1980 "revealed that the majority of respondents distinguish in their own experience love from sexual relations, on the one hand, and from friendship, on the other. According to the people interviewed by the authors, each of these phenomena can exist independently of the other, which does not contradict the rather frequent combination of them within the same relationship.

From a letter to the Club: “I have no thoughts of leaving my husband. But from time to time I have sex "on the side" - writes 48-year-old Nadezhda. - With other partners, I allow myself much more without feeling embarrassed. But with my husband this is impossible: it will be unpleasant for me if he considers me licentious or vulgar. For me, love is respect, trust, tenderness, stability, comfort; and sex, somersaults in different directions with strangers is a completely different matter".

"Karen Horney warns," Please don't confuse love with sexuality! " Surely you have met people who easily enter into sexual relations, but it is very difficult to let anyone into their hearts. One patient once told me: "I am not at all afraid of sex, I am terribly afraid of love."
Psychologist Diana Balyko "365 + 1 rule of true love for every day of a happy year" (The book is in our library "< / A>)

Modern French writer M. Kundera: “A lot of people, having become close physically, believe, without even thinking properly, that they have also become close spiritually. He calls this a belief in "the synchronous harmony of soul and body." Such "faith", of course, is one of the reasons for a person's self-delusion and deception (often unconscious) of his partner. The illusion of "love" is created.

From these statements of professionals, we can conclude that love and sex are not a continuation of each other, they are not two sides of the same coin. These are two psychophysiological processes independent of one another, united into one not by nature, but by man. Moreover, quite recently, under the slave system (4th - 3rd millennia BC), first through legal, then moral norms, the concepts of marital fidelity were introduced. And for the first time, the Roman poets Ovid and Horace began to write about loyalty in love in the 1st century. BC.

Even the father of medicine Hippocrates said, though with reservations about the health benefits of sex, there are modern studies confirming this.

Love in the physical and moral world is the greatest strength, the strongest health. He who speaks ill of love after he has loved is sinning. The last breath of dying voluptuousness should be the reverence for life.
P. Mantegazza

Sexual pleasure is indisputably the highest limit of pleasure-giving sensations; in fact, it becomes a model against which all other kinds of pleasure are compared and in relation to which all of them, by general agreement, turn out to be at best only a pale reflection, and at worst - a weak imitation or fake.
Zygmunt Bauman, professor

Love and sex are most likely two important, high-ranking neighbors in the life of a person in a communal apartment, good neighbors are lucky, bad neighbors are not going anywhere, you have to get along.

This means that it is wrong to evaluate on a scale: love is high and light, and sex is low and animal.

Masha, 16 years old: "I thought you would explain what love is, and what sex is, I already know"
(from the correspondence with the readers of the newspaper "Speed - Info").

E. Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet Club "ENLIGHTED LOVE"

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About the impact of similar and other low-quality loves and their relationship to health in the book by Kurt Tepervine "Psychosomatics, relationships and health." The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

This is one of the chapters of the book "LOVE! GOOD OR EVIL? Psychological dimensions.

Club: Temperament is an important characteristic of a person, therefore on our site there are descriptions of various types of temperaments, between which there is no direct correlation. Particular attention is paid to describing temperament combinations for better compatibility.

Whoever likes it. E Pushkarev

Types of sexual constitution.

Temperaments in love. Most! Most! .

Socionic temperament. V. Stukas, E. Untilova

This page is from the section ”The Psychology of Love”.

Articles related to the same topic

All articles, books and videos about sex, orgasms (M and F) and their implications.

Guide to the site and the main milestones in the knowledge of love. E. Pushkarev

The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.

What is love. E. Pushkarev

Briefly about love. E. Pushkarev

Falling in love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: compatibility, love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev

Psychology of love. E. Pushkarev

Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.

How to get rid of "love"? E. Pushkarev

The second stage of love mania and Anna Karenina. E. Pushkarev

Psychological health is a prerequisite for love. E. Pushkarev

Sigmund Freud about love.

Sexuality, female and male orgasms.

In our library there are more than 1000 books and videos on the topic "Love, family, sex and about ..." Related books for this article:

Scott Dowling "Psychology and Treatment of Addictive Behavior"

Valentina Moskalenko “When there is too much love. Prevention of love addiction "

Boris Didenko "Predatory love"

Susan Israelson, Elizabeth McAvoy "Marilyn Monroe Syndrome"

Roman M. Koidl "Scoundrels: why women choose the wrong men"

Philip van Manching, Bernie Katz "Parents are to blame for everything, or why your love relationship is not working out"

Robin Norwood "Should You Be a Slave to Love?"

Robin Norwood "Women Who Love Too Much"

Stanton Peel, Archie Brodsky. "Love and Addiction"

Gennady Starshenbaum "Addictology: Psychology and Psychotherapy of Addictions"

Stephen Hassen "Freeing From Psychological Abuse"

Irwin Yalom "Treatment for Love and Other Psychotherapeutic Novels"

and others.

Letters to the Club tell about the complexity and variety of the problem indicated in the article.

I am 20 years old. From a normal working-class family. I study at a university, work, go in for sports. I have such a problem (as my friends think) - sex for one time. There was a loving guy for almost a year who suited me in everything. But I cheated on him with different people. I found out about one betrayal with his acquaintance, and we parted. I am very sorry that I lost my future husband.
I am attracted to a man for 1 time, the second is no longer interesting. As long as I live a sex life (3 years), I cheat on my guys both on a sober and on a drunken head. I am drawn to a stranger, especially to those with whom I see for the first time. Worried about getting infected or getting pregnant.
My friends ask me to stop, but I can't. It probably came from the fact that she took revenge on a loved one who cheated on me. It seems that it has become a habit since then. There were, in theory, not many partners. Only 22.
How to stop living a promiscuous sex life? Although it attracts me.

Hello. My problem is that I stopped feeling sexually attracted to my husband. We have been living together for 6 years, our daughter is 2.5 years old. Before, before my husband, I had many lovers, but after getting married, I became a good wife, I did not cheat on my husband, because did not feel the need for this, I felt good with him in all respects. I can't say that everything changed dramatically with the birth of a child, probably it began to happen gradually. At first, I had erotic fantasies, in which I began to see myself with other men, then gradually my physical attraction to my husband began to weaken, and in the end it came to the point that I simply stopped wanting him. I love him as a close person, as the father of my child, but I do not perceive him as a lover. Although he tries to add some variety to our sex life - he buys some things in a sex shop, then he asks me to put on sexy lingerie, but nothing helps me - he just doesn't turn me on. Naturally, there is no question of any orgasm. I feel sexually dissatisfied. Erotic fantasies constantly arise, where I see myself with other men. I'm going to go to work from maternity leave in a month. I'm afraid that I might meet some man with whom I want to have sex and break off. My husband does not want to cheat, but it’s absolutely impossible to live like that. Help me please. Vika

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Эрих Фромм

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Экология и драматургия любви

Наш сайт о природе любви мужчины и женщины: истоки, течение, около любовные переживания и расстройства.

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По моей книге уже с 2010 года обучают студентов по Программе дисциплины – «Психология любви»

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Из книги вы узнаете: любовь между мужчиной и женщиной исключительно положительное чувство. А очень похожая влюбленность с любовью никак не связана. А недоброкачественная влюбленность - мания, она же "наркоманическая любовь", "сверхизбирательная любовь" "folle amore" (безумная любовь (ит.) не только никакого отношения к любви не имеет, а и совсем болезненное расстройство.

А научиться их различать не так уж и сложно.

У человека нет врожденного дара, отличать любовь от влюбленностей, других

псевдолюбовных состояний это можно сделать только овладев знаниями.

Жизнь удалась

Примеры настоящей любви

Пара влюбленных

Драматичные влюбленности известных людей, которые не сделали их счастливыми