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Poor quality falling in love - eros. E. Pushkarev

Google Translate Automated Translation - Original Text

Love and give birth, you can't wait.

Poor love - eros

Eros is an ardent feeling that burns violently in a person, it captures the whole soul and body. In eros, there is a strong craving for bodily beauty, and bodily gravities are in the foreground in it, especially at its beginning. But they are deeply imbued with aesthetic colors: the attraction to the beauty of form, the grace of the line, to the masculine strength of the body or its feminine roundness. Sensuality for the Erosians is a cult, they vividly remember the moments of the first kiss, the feeling of first intimacy: communication is a holiday for them. They are ruled by a craving for the complete fusion of souls, for the maximum - to the point of identity - the fusion of two existences. Therefore, they want to resemble each other as much as possible - down to the style and color of clothes, to the slightest habits, interests, activities.
By its appearance, eros is like an ardent youthful love . It seems to be more common in young people than in mature people. And among mature people - more often people have hot and long feelings, with strong soulfulness, temperament, ardent emotionality.
There is an old German aphorism: man is half beast, half angel. There is a newer saying: a person begins in a person above the stomach. Man is split here into body and spirit, and such a double vision is still considered an axiom. But a person is not a matryoshka made of two halves, and his spirit is as bodily as his body is spiritualized.

Sex drive appears long before a person's general maturation and does not disappear long after a person ages. The need for love, the craving for it is born at 10 - 12 years old, almost twice before the physiological, psychological and social formation of a person takes place.

Everything bodily, biological in man is not very different from animals. His bodily sensations - hunger, thirst, sex drive - have been transformed by centuries of evolution, but the primary source of these sensations is still "natural", common to the entire animal world. All human biology is fused with psychology, and this fusion is one of the main foundations of human nature, one of the central differences between humans and animals.

And love sensations are always bodily, always sensual, since sensation cannot live outside the body, outside living matter - the mother of these sensations. Just as there is no wind without air, because the wind is the movement of air, so there can be no feelings without sensations; and love is a flow of basically spiritual and bodily feelings, the bodily-physical in it always goes in conjunction with spiritually ideal. But in the life of a certain type of people there are periods when the bodily becomes more influential than the spiritual.
Eros is classified as a substandard type of falling in love due to the fact that in him bodily attraction has subjugated the mind and dictates its own conditions. Time will pass, the sex hormones will calm down, the veil will fall from the eyes and the person will understand that he has done a lot of mistakes in his past life.
An example of eros from literature. In I. Bunin's story "Sunstroke" the action lasts only a day. A young married woman with a three-year-old daughter is returning after a month of lonely rest in Anapa. On a steamer sailing along the Volga, she meets a young lieutenant. They have dinner, drink together, and after three hours of meeting they go to a district town in the Volga region, where they spend the night together in a hotel. In the morning, she leaves without saying her name, and the lieutenant feels immeasurable joy, and at the same time his heart is torn to pieces.

Later on this plot was born a pun: "Sex is not a reason to meet."

As she prepares to leave, the heroine says to the lieutenant: “I give you my word of honor that I am not at all what you might think of me. Nothing like what happened has never happened to me, and there will never be any more. I was definitely eclipsed ... Or rather, we both got something like a sunstroke ...".
And during the time of Maupassant, in one of his stories, a similar episode occurred and the heroine is experiencing this so hard that she even dies of the oppression of remorse.
By the end of the 20th century, glamor invented the name "spontaneous sex" for this phenomenon and began to actively popularize it, and it degenerated into another phenomenon, which was revealed by E. Giddens - "plastic sexuality".
More details: Intimacy transformation. Sexuality, love and eroticism in modern societies. E.Giddens
Book review: E. Giddens. Transformation of Intimacy. Sexuality, love and eroticism in modern societies. E. Vovk
From a letter from 16-year-old Sveta to the newspaper: "I know for sure that my parents hate each other. They call each other rudely every day. Father beat his mother, she threw a frying pan at him. But they fuck every night, sometimes two times. Last night we watched TV, they looked at each other, got up and went to my room and started fucking. I came in with a contemptuous face, turned on the light and left. I don’t understand how you can fuck when you hate another".
If you comment on one side of this letter, it can be noted that Sveta's parents with have a strong sexual constitution , only people with such a temperament are subject to eros. If you go back to the beginning of the acquaintance of Sveta's parents, it was hot and bright people in love with each other, who for sure got close early. They were intoxicated and fascinated by sex and each other, and if anyone told them what awaited them in a decade and a half, they would simply refuse to believe it. And today we can see among those walking not a single young, in love a couple absorbed in their falling in love . They will only understand their mistake in a few years - falling in love , this is not love , it will soon pass, and great difficulties will begin.

600 healthy women surveyed by ZV Rozhdestvenskaya experience orgasm:
Always (with every intercourse) 24.4%
Often 32.2
Sometimes 19
Extremely rare 7
Never experience 16.4
From another source:
25% of women who have been married for one year have not experienced an orgasm
with 20 years of experience such - only 11%.

Talent as a secondary sex characteristic.

L. Tolstoy

At first glance, this judgment may seem strange, but to many - simply blasphemous: talent, all the more, genius is a "spark of God", and what are the sexual characteristics here?
The famous Russian scientist physiologist, Nobel Prize laureate II Mechnikov, who studied the phenomenon of creativity for many years, believed that artistic genius, and perhaps genius in general, is closely related to the sexual sphere. "Artistic inclinations," he wrote, "in all likelihood, are nothing more than secondary sexual characteristics."
This is confirmed by numerous examples:

Albert Einstein had at least ten mistresses. This became known after the Hebrew University archive published his correspondence in 1975, 20 years after his death.

Leo Tolstoy acquired his first sexual experience at the age of 16, using the services of a prostitute, which was common in the 19th century. He married, already having mistresses and a child from one of them, at the age of 34. His wife Sofya Andreevna at that time was 18 years old, and she knew about all the love affairs of her husband and after the first wedding night she wrote in her diary: "The physical manifestation of love is so disgusting:" She lived with this opinion until the end of her days.
All his life Tolstoy fought "with the beast in man", calling for help from Christianity. This "beast" was sex drive, sex desire, "lust." In his diaries, Tolstoy admits that there were moments in his life when he wandered around the garden with "foggy eyes", wanting only one thing - to drag the maid or cook into the bushes and take her roughly, like an animal. Then he went to prostitutes, and then atoned for sins, went to confession - until the next time. The imprint of this internal struggle lay on the entire life of Lev Nikolaevich and Sophia Andreevna.
Tolstoy all his life tried not to get sinful pleasure. Tolstoy diligently comprehended this science all his life - in spite of his natural temperament, in spite of his loving wife. Tolstoy, by his own admission, unbridled sexual desires ceased to cover only 82 years old!

There is another strong disharmony in the love of people; in girls, sensuality wakes up later than in boys, sometimes for several years, often only after marriage and even after childbirth. Therefore, love of girls is often platonic. Later than in men, the apogee of sensuality also comes to women: usually this happens after men have this sensitivity has already passed its highest point.

It is known that Goethe retained his temperament until the end of his life. There were gossips, legends, anecdotes about him, but even the most malicious ill-wishers admitted that his poetic genius had not aged at all.
... During his stay in Carlsbad in 1821, Goethe met a pretty, seventeen-year-old, blue-eyed brunette, passionate, kind and cheerful. The first two summer seasons passed without incident. But on the third summer, in Marienbad, Goethe fell passionately in love with nineteen-year-old Ulrika, and love returned him to his youth. He spent whole hours with her, he again began to dance like a young man. "I readily admit," he writes to his son, "that I have not enjoyed such health of soul and body for a long time." The matter turned out to be so serious that Goethe's friend, the Grand Duke of Saxe-Weimar, asks for the hand of Ulrika von Levetzov for him. Her mother gave an evasive answer at first, the case dragged on, and, in the end, Goethe was refused. And in his own family, hobby in old age did not cause delight, because he was already 74.
And the old poet got sick. His heart hurts, and his hands drop, He can’t take on anything, cannot get down to any business, and his mind has become powerless. “I can’t work anymore,” he said, “I can’t read, and I can even think about it only in happy moments of relief:”
Already in the carriage, leaving Marienbad, he begins the "Marienbad Elegy", one of his best poetic works.
Irresistible passion attracts me;
Eternal tears are my destiny!
Flow, flow endlessly!
But do not pour a burning flame on you!
Already boiling, already broken heart,
In which there is a struggle for life and death.
The world is lost to me, and he himself is lost,
Who was the favorite of the gods.
They gave me Pandora, rich in treasures,
Rich with dangerous temptations;
They intoxicated me with the generous kisses of her lips;
They pull me out of her embrace and amaze me with death!
However, creativity briefly calmed the poet. Like should be treated like, as the ancients said. His nature demanded another, more effective consolation.
A few weeks after the breakup, he bitterly complains about the absence of Countess Julia von Eglofstein. "She absolutely does not understand what is taking from me and what is depriving me: she does not know how much I love her and how my soul is busy with her." Goethe finds some compensation in his visits to Mrs. Shimanovskaya, whom he admired "not only as a great artist, but also as a beautiful woman." He also renewed his relationship with former actress and dancer Marianne Jung. “Goethe needed to divert his thoughts from Ulrika, - wrote Eckerman, - and now the image of the beautiful owner of Herbermühle seized him again. The time spent with her, and intimate correspondence returned peace to his heart waiting for love.”
Love for Ulrika was his last, acute passion. Nevertheless, until his death, Goethe loved the company of beautiful women. He was the director of the theater, and he had to talk with many young ladies who were eager to enter the stage. He confessed to Ackerman that he needed a lot of willpower in order to fight the feminine charm, which inclined him to injustice in favor of more beautiful supplicants.
Even on the day of his death, Goethe exclaimed deliriously: "Look what a lovely female head in black curls on a black background!" After a few more, more or less incoherent phrases, he let out his last breath:
Ilya Selvinsky was almost sixty when he wrote:
Call me, call me,
If trouble jumps on your shoulders,
Not just any, but exactly
An age-old misfortune - a beard,
Call me, call me.
Can't whisper to a letter -
Call me
At least by name, I will hold you with my breath,
Call me, call me,
Pose me.

In the "Lotte House" in Wetzlar, there is a list of women with whom Goethe was attracted; the list takes up a whole wall ... (He described his feelings for Lotte in the novel "The Suffering of Young Werther")

The national leader of India, Mahatma Gandhi, has decided to give up sex forever after having five children in his family. He considered abstinence to be the only morally acceptable form of birth control. At the same time, Gandhi's sexual desires were great, and the solution was given to him as a result of a difficult internal struggle. He was tormented by erotic dreams, even when he was well over 60.

About 20% of women have a need to have not one, but three or four orgasms in a row during the same intercourse. This means that for them the concepts of satisfaction and satiety are different. Each orgasm brings satisfaction, but only their combination leads to saturation, that is, to the disappearance of further need for orgasm.

Two more examples confirming the teachings of Mechnikov.
B. Peet
Herbert Wells began his journey of knowledge of love passion with a visit to a prostitute, which seemed extremely unpleasant to him. He married at 25, but both his first and second wife, with whom he lived for 32 years until his death, were, in his opinion, naive and ignorant in everything related to sex, and could not satisfy the writer's insatiable appetite. For the sake of preserving the marriage, his wife gave Wells complete sexual freedom, allowing him to meet with the woman he liked, which he successfully used, remaining (despite poor health: tuberculosis, diabetes, kidney disease) sexually active until his death.
Auguste Rodin had his own muse - twenty-year-old Camille: in the daytime he sculpted his ingenious sculptures (for example, "The Kiss") from her to exhaustion, and at night he had just as violently and violently sex with her. Rodin was generally loved by women; his sexual abilities were legendary.
Due to the fact that talented, brilliant workers of culture and art had increased sexual activity, erotic, sensual relationships in literature, poetry, especially in cinema, turned out to be brighter, more intense, more common than in real life. A common man in the street is concerned: the film is so bright, stormy, but something is wrong with us, which more and more often leads to sexual disharmony.

After the death of Marilyn Monroe, it became known from her diary revelations that she never had an orgasm, rarely enjoyed sex, and therefore did not like to have sex. She enjoyed being adored, wanted. It can be added that she was the mistress of John and Robert Kennedy.

From letter to newspaper. "... The fact is that I am getting married soon. I am 21 years old, he is 22. We submitted the application and therefore decided to get closer before the wedding, and she will be in two months. This closeness was the first for both of us, everything was awkward , it is not clear, this or not. And, sadly, my fiance was disappointed in me. He says that I am cold as a fish. But this is because he knows almost nothing about the psychophysiology of sexual life, and, most importantly, I do not know anything And I scold myself, what if I really am as he says? He is a first grader worse in this matter, and I am no better: "
Our non-fiction literature also incites high expectations. "Orgasm is interpreted as a significant narrowing of the field of consciousness of both partners. Against this background, an emotional uplift arises in the form of an ecstatic state with the emergence of brightly colored fantasies and even with a violation of sensory synthesis (feeling of flight, weightlessness, any changes in one's body, etc.) The leading emotion at this time is the experience of happiness, joy, liberation".
Partial knowledge is worse than no knowledge. Modern inhabitants differ from grandparents, who were completely ignorant, by the fact that they have seen enough films about sexual ecstasy, read about the same stories, novels, including classics, at best, popular science literature. The reaction after bright, rich sexual information is the expectation of the same sensations. And the result is, in most cases, dissatisfaction, so more and more people come to the conclusion that it’s better than not like in a movie.

According to a poll conducted by Durex in 15 countries around the world, the average frequency of intercourse is 2.1 times a week (109 times a year , or 1 time every 3.3 days). But each country has its own differences. So the most active are Americans, who have an average of 135 sexual acts a year. In second place are the Russians 133 times a year, then the French 128 times, the Germans 127, the British 124. The least sexually active residents of Thailand are 64 sexual acts a year.

Various aspects of eros

Different peoples at different times have significantly different attitudes towards sensuality. Many religions of the East saw sensuality as a way to merge man with God and developed whole codes of erotic pleasures. On the contrary, Christianity considers everything bodily and sensual to be dirty, base and sinful. "Pure love", according to the teachings of medieval theologians, should be exclusively spiritual, and even then not too strong, so as not to distract the believer from the love of God and the fulfillment of religious duties.

In the 19th century, the so-called Victorian (Puritan) upbringing of the girl became widespread, which consisted in the desire to keep her completely unaware of the peculiarities of sexual life. Sex life was seen as something dirty, shameful, contrary to morality. It would seem that at the present time nothing is left of such upbringing. According to the Leningrad sex therapist ZV Rozhdestvenskaya, up to 10% of women in our country still receive the same upbringing.

However, on the other side of official existence, there was a folk "carnival" culture in which the satisfaction of sensual needs occupied a very prominent place.

Such experiments were also carried out. "Separate sex from feelings", that is, from sympathies, inclinations, love - this slogan was put forward in 1965 by one of the first youth communes in the West, a commune of ultra-left revolutionaries from West Berlin. Feelings take too much strength, the leaders of this commune said, and we must devote all our strength to the struggle. Therefore, it is necessary to saturate desire regardless of psychological drives or repulsions; everyone has a sexual right to everyone, and no one can deny anyone.

Many youth communes tried to introduce such customs of group marriage, but their experience usually ended in failure - the Western press wrote a lot about this then. Young men and women from these communes developed their usual sympathies and antipathies, and when they tried to step over them, this gave rise to hostility, resentment, enmity in them. A year or two passed, and the communes of group marriage fell apart one after another ...

How does sex affect athletic performance? Scientists managed to find out that, on average, the generalizing indicator for men after sex decreases by 1.5%, and for women the same indicator rises by 2%. The experiment involved 58 athletes and 26 athletes. Three-time Olympic champion R. Rainisch in Moscow admitted that sex before the swim relaxes and liberates. The fencer Z. Funkelhauser, a "gold" medalist in Seoul, agrees with the same, saying: "I am absolutely sure that sex has a positive effect and improves results in sports."

at the party

There is still no final answer to the question: can one man simultaneously love two or more women, as is practiced in the Muslim world, or can only one woman be loved, as is customary among Christians? Physiologists in this dispute are on the side of Muslims, if 4.5 - 6 million sperm are thrown into a new partner during intercourse, then into the usual one - 1.5 million, and the quality of these spermatozoa is worse. As for a woman, getting used to the biochemistry of a member of a permanent partner has a positive effect on her.

Here is how the professor of sociology Francesco Alberoni "Friendship and love" answers this question. The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ...":
“Is it possible to love two people at once? Sure. To love one person and be in love with another at the same time? Undoubtedly. Fall in love with two at the same time? No. Each of us loves several people at once: we love our mother and our father, our life partner and our children. None of these loves excludes the other, does not prejudice her in any way.
And in the same way a man can love two wives at once, and one woman can love two husbands. Anyone who continues to love their first spouse can fall in love with someone else. Moreover, this is what happens most often. But falling in love with two people at once is impossible".

At the age of 28, Schiller had a bright, stormy double falling in love with his two sisters Caroline and Lot ... Although they were sisters, they were completely different neither in appearance nor in character. Carolina is careless, cheerful, married early, unsuccessfully, Lot is a model of wisdom and responsibility, lonely. Moreover, he declared his love to both of them at the same time in one letter.

Helen Fisher, an anthropology professor at Rutgers University, New Jersey, USA, has spent 30 years researching nature, and the chemistry of love explains: romantic feelings for someone else, feeling sexual attraction regardless of your partner. This independence means the ability to love several people at the same time - a situation that leads to jealousy, adultery and divorce".
As Dr. Fisher notes, "... we are not created for happiness, but for reproduction."

About Professor Helen Fisher and true love. E. Pushkarev

Fyodor Ivanovich Tyutchev, a poet, a recognized master of subtle, heartfelt love lyrics, experienced many passions and tragedies in his life. He had repeated situations where he had intense feelings for two women. He loved his first wife Eleanor and Ernestine Turnberg. When his wife died, he turned completely gray in a few days. And soon he married Ernestine.

In 1850, forty-seven-year-old Tyutchev fell in love with a twenty-four-year-old girl E.A. Denisyev, a pupil of the Smolny Institute, where the poet's two adult daughters were brought up at that time. Tyutchev, who loves his wife Ernestina, plunges into a new romance. Ekaterina Denisieva reciprocated him, her feeling was selfless, she fully experienced the hardships and deprivation of an illegal connection with the poet, whose violent affection was assertive and reckless. Their relationship continued openly for fourteen years, during which time they had three children, which was perceived by the Petersburg society as a scandal and a challenge to the world.

The brunt of the condemnation fell, of course, on the young woman. Her father denied her, the doors of all living rooms were closed in front of her, the children were considered outcast, illegitimate. Bright, but painful relationship with Tyutchev, the oppression of public condemnation led to the early death of Elena Alexandrovna.

Oh, how destructively we love,
As in the violent blindness of passions
We are most likely to destroy,
What is dear to our heart!
F. Tyutchev

Despite his passionate relationship with Denisieva, Tyutchev retained his affection for his wife, whom he called in his poem "earthly providence." With her, he discussed in detail all family affairs, political news, called in letters nothing more than "my dear kitty" and sincerely missed her in parting: "... how I would like to see your sweet face to give rest to my eyes and calm my soul! ”he writes to Ernestine. By all indications, the poet had deep feelings towards both women - both his wife and Elena Alexandrovna.

Do not believe, do not believe the poet, maiden;
Don't call him yours -
And worse than fiery anger
Fear poetical love!

You will not assimilate his heart
With your infant soul;
The scorching fire cannot be hidden
Under a light virgin veil.

The poet is omnipotent, like the elements,
It is not powerful only in itself;
Involuntarily young curls
He will burn with his crown.
F. Tyutchev

Outstanding writer I.A. Bunin experienced not only simultaneous love for two women, but also actual bigamy. Literary secretary I.A. Bunina Andrei Sedykh wrote about him in his diary: “He had novels, although he loved his wife, Vera Nikolaevna, a real one, even some cyber one love . I am deeply convinced that he would not exchange Vera Nikolaevna for anyone. And at the same time, he loved to see young, talented women around him, courted them, flirted, and this need only intensified over the years.

I.A. Bunin, married for the third time, experienced in adulthood a deep, serious romance with the young poetess Galina Nikolaevna Kuznetsova. This love took place in Grasse, in the south of France, where Bunin lived with his wife for many years. Galina Kuznetsova lived with them since 1927. Bunin at that time was fifty-six years old, Galina - twenty-six. This love lasted almost fifteen years. Having pacified her own pride, Vera Nikolaevna reconciled, believing that her outstanding husband is a special person, that his emotional needs go beyond the ordinary family life, endlessly loving and admiring his writing genius, being a devoted wife, she found the strength to take what happened for granted , even made friends with Galya.

The novel ended when the relationship with Bunin began to weigh on Galina, Ivan Alekseevich suppressed her with his imperious, demanding nature, and she parted with him forever.

A very similar love triangle occurred in the family life of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin and Nadezhda Konstantinovna Krupskaya, after Vladimir Ilyich passionately and mutually fell in love with Innesa Armand. Learn more.

There is no crime to love several times in life, and there is no merit to love only once: reproaching oneself for the first and bragging about the second is equally absurd.
V. Belinsky

Nearly half of 1,000 Americans surveyed said they had at least once fallen in love or loved two people at once.

I love two women, the first is my wife, the second is all the others. Photo by I. Goethe

Islam allows polygamy, but this is all regulated in sufficient detail. In the Muslim country of Libya, a husband can have four wives, but he must provide each wife with a separate house, and must also provide a comfortable existence for her and her children. As a rule, wives become girlfriends as they are considered relatives.

In Cameroon, every man has the right to as many wives as he can comfortably support. Thus, the popular singer Mongo Faya, at the age of thirty-five, had forty-six wives, but dreamed of sixty. He says, for example: “Once, when I was recording a new song in the studio, I was helped by an ensemble of five women. We became so good friends that we soon had one common wedding".
Active creative activity does not allow the singer to constantly live surrounded by all household members. Together with her husband, only a small part of the wives live in the city of Douale, and the rest in the village where he comes from. “I go there twice a year and take someone to town. That is why I never get tired of my wives, - the singer reveals the secret. "They are of different heights, ages and looks, but all are beautiful and all are my favorites."

Letters with a question have already come to our Club several times. “I met a young man at a party, had amazing sex all night. Tell me, is a serious continuation possible? "
Here is how Doctor of Psychology and Science answers this question. E. Ilyin in his book "The Psychology of Love". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ...":
"According to statistics, only 3% of all relationships that began with sex ended in marriage."

A case from life. The 36-year-old scientist, humble and pedantic, went to a sanatorium to the south. Here he decided to have a rest in full. He met a cheerful woman, after intimacy with her, he was going to fall asleep out of habit. The woman was offended and with obscene language put her lover on the street, throwing his clothes out the window. From the stream of abuse, the confused lover learns that she was with him “only wasted time, mistaking him for a man”, that in fact he was “not a man, but a misunderstanding,” that he was “not to go to a woman, but to a sex therapist”, that his wife "doesn't understand anything if she tolerates him."

Shocked by this information, the unfaithful husband returned to his wife, tormented by doubts. After this incident, he decided to take marital sex more seriously, got acquainted with the available literature, went to a sexologist for an appointment.

A case from life. Yuri Nesterenko, leader of the Against Sex movement: “Sex is generally harmful from all points of view, both psychological and physiological. When people have sex, they make a huge mistake. All this energy that people spend on so-called sex can be used with much greater impact and effectiveness. Humanity would live much better and happier if it never had sex. Moreover, it looks disgusting from the outside, and also has much in common with cannibalism, which is also implicated in an interest in the fleshy parts of the body. I have never fallen in love, I absolutely do not need this, this is an absolutely useless waste of time. Love - it doesn't matter, ideal or physical, there is a drug in its pure form ...".

There is a party of virgins in Moscow. Its leader Marina, after two years of marriage while remaining a virgin, divorced. He speaks of any sexual intimacy with extreme disgust and disgust: "This is something terrible, such an abomination ..." Letters from girls come to our Club from time to time asking to help find this Marina, but, unfortunately, no additional information about her we do not have.

In the 19th century, the so-called Victorian (Puritan) upbringing of the girl became widespread, which consisted in the desire to keep her completely unaware of the peculiarities of sex life. Sex life was seen as something dirty, shameful, contrary to morality. It would seem that at the present time there is nothing left of such upbringing. According to the Leningrad sex therapist ZV Rozhdestvenskaya, up to 10% of women in our country still receive the same upbringing.

Case of life. Woman's story: “This is my second marriage. I loved my first husband very much, he died in a car accident, I was not my own person for a long time, I was in the hospital. My second husband is an intelligent, educated person, he is very different from the first husband both in appearance and temperament. The fact that he became my husband determined the good attitude of my daughters towards him and him towards them. When we are alone in society, on the street, I sometimes feel ashamed of him for his nondescript, unprepossessing appearance, the first husband was a prominent, stately fellow. When we are in bed with him, it's a complete disappointment. I have something to compare with - the first husband with whom we had a delightful, sexual relationship. But when my second husband is at home, he is so courteous, respectful, intelligent, helpful, I am simply overwhelmed with a feeling of complete happiness, I did not even imagine that this was possible. Now I always rush home to enjoy the attention given to me, when we are at home together, I have the feeling that I am in the center of the universe. My first husband was all at work. "

A case from life. A woman takes offense at her workaholic husband: “The first and last time we kissed at a wedding. I really want physical affection, attention, sex, but my husband has only work on his mind. He goes to bed late, gets up early. We have two sons. Sex in all his life was engaged on the fingers can be counted, purely mechanically, he planes the boards and then with more love. I tried to seduce him with my own initiative, attention, clothes, alcohol, but my husband considers all this quirks, oddities, excesses, it is better to do business than this disgrace. I can't have a lover on the side, not that kind of upbringing. We have everything in our house and more. My friends are jealous of me, but I consider myself a failure, as if life has passed by".

An overly flirtatious woman is frigid - all steam goes off.
Psychotherapist, MD. M. Litvak

E. Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet Club "ENLIGHTED LOVE"

This is one of the chapters of the book "LOVE! GOOD OR EVIL? Psychological dimensions.

There are other types of low-quality falling in love.
Poor quality falling in love - ludus.

On the impact of such neurotic loves and relationships on health in the book by Kurt Tepervine "Psychosomatics, relationships and health." The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

This page is from the section ”The Psychology of Love”.

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Susan Israelson, Elizabeth McAvoy "Marilyn Monroe Syndrome"

Roman M. Koidl "Scoundrels: why women choose the wrong men"

Philip van Manching, Bernie Katz "Parents are to blame for everything, or why your love relationship is not working out"

Robin Norwood "Should You Be a Slave to Love?"

Robin Norwood "Women Who Love Too Much"

Stanton Peel, Archie Brodsky. "Love and Addiction"

Gennady Starshenbaum "Addictology: Psychology and Psychotherapy of Addictions"

Stephen Hassen "Freeing From Psychological Abuse"

Irwin Yalom "Treatment for Love and Other Psychotherapeutic Novels"

and others.

Эрих Фромм

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Экология и драматургия любви

Наш сайт о природе любви мужчины и женщины: истоки, течение, около любовные переживания и расстройства.

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По моей книге уже с 2010 года обучают студентов по Программе дисциплины – «Психология любви»

Чтобы познакомиться бесплатно скачайте Это презентация моей книги

Из книги вы узнаете: любовь между мужчиной и женщиной исключительно положительное чувство. А очень похожая влюбленность с любовью никак не связана. А недоброкачественная влюбленность - мания, она же "наркоманическая любовь", "сверхизбирательная любовь" "folle amore" (безумная любовь (ит.) не только никакого отношения к любви не имеет, а и совсем болезненное расстройство.

А научиться их различать не так уж и сложно.

У человека нет врожденного дара, отличать любовь от влюбленностей, других

псевдолюбовных состояний это можно сделать только овладев знаниями.

Жизнь удалась

Примеры настоящей любви

Пара влюбленных

Драматичные влюбленности известных людей, которые не сделали их счастливыми