This is the malicious word "love". E. Pushkarev
Google Translate Automated Translation - Original Text
... love represents a kind of Austro-Hungarian empire, where under one cap are collected a lot of quite incompatible cognitive, emotional and behavioral phenomena.
In its meaningful form, the word love is a symbol , which cannot be defined, and whatever interpretation the dictionary suggests, we will always have a metaphorical description.
Doctor of Philology V.V. Kolesov
Love is a wide class of mental phenomena, love: for the homeland, fried potatoes, parents, as the pinnacle of moral attitude towards man, towards animals, as an essential characteristic of God, and so on, which have both some similarities and significant differences. Therefore, it is necessary to clarify right away that here we will talk about intersexual individual love, and what harm is contained in the word "love" for it.
what is contained in the semantic field of the word "love". Because natural love as a phenomenon in the semantic field of the same name occupies a small, peripheral place, and is located there , as Cinderella. And in the first roles, pseudo-loving passions rule the ball in this field, Poor quality falling in love, pathologies that do not have to her a direct relationship, but outwardly somewhat similar.
E. Fromm "Man for himself"
People brought bashfulness, poetry, self-sacrifice, self-denial into love, but they also brought into love something that no animal brings: excesses, venality, perversion, hypocrisy.
Let's separate from love what poets, writers, philosophers have brought into it from what nature has created. To do this, we will use Voltaire's logic "Love is a natural fabric embroidered with the imagination", we will separate the natural fabric from the embroidery of the imagination and other heaps and encumbrances.
Love statements. Whom to believe?
The most breakthrough contribution to the disclosure of the riddles of "love is a phenomenon" was made by Erich Fromm, whose works undoubtedly influenced subsequent studies of this topic.
Definition of love by E. Fromm: “Love is a fruitful form of relationship to others and to oneself. It implies care, responsibility, respect and knowledge, as well as the desire for the other person to grow and develop. This is a manifestation of closeness between two human beings, provided that the integrity of each of them is preserved". And one more clarifying sign: "Caring and responsibility mean that love is an activity, not a passion that has seized someone, and not an affect that has captured someone."
E. Fromm introduced and explained a number of new concepts: "true love", "fruitful love", "mature love". The most fundamental kind of love that forms the basis of all types of love is "brotherly love." Also: "pseudo love", "there are many individual forms of love pathology", "sterile or irrational love", "love-worship", "false love", "sentimental love", "neurotic love", "immature form of love" or “Symbiotic union”, “being in love is one of the forms of pseudo-love”, “erotic love is the most deceptive form of love ...”, “often erotic love is understood as an unproductive form of love…”. "Due to the fact that sexual desire in the understanding of most people is connected with the idea of love, they easily fall into the delusion that they love each other when they are physically attracted to each other."
“Erich Fromm about love. Terms and concepts "
At the end of the last century, anthropologists, neuropsychologists, neuroscientists, philologists, psychotherapists joined the study of "love is a phenomenon" to study love feelings, they began to apply the latest biochemical methods using: functional magnetic resonance imaging , a sufficient amount of objective information was obtained for understanding about the nature of love and the whole spectrum of love feelings.
The biggest confusion, problem and harmfulness of "love - an artifact" is that falling in love is taken for love. This is a bright, uncommon state, which is characterized by hyperactivity of all six spheres of the psyche: intellectual, emotional, volitional, somato-vegetative, sexual, unconscious, as well as hypermobilization of physical activity. This leads to the emergence of a number of mental effects that occur only during falling in love, for example, "vision aberration", telepathy. Falling in love arose in the course of evolution long before the appearance of Homo sapiens to provide temporary bonding of a couple in order to conceive offspring and feed them for the first few months or years of life, after which it annihilates (in humans, the average duration is six months, the maximum according to H. Fisher is 30 months).
Another harmful confusion is that passion is elevated to the pedestal of true love,
"... falling in love, love and passion, which are elements of the same synonymous series.
Passion refers to strong, absolutely dominant emotional experiences, which determines the specificity of the means of its representation in the language - the special significance of the figurative group of signs that allow metaphorically conveying the uniqueness of this phenomenon.
... the semantic space of the sememe is passion in the sphere of love ... sememe passion is defined as an extreme manifestation of feelings that make up love, that is, the sphere of love between a man and a woman.
Language is the main way of fixing the picture of the world, that is, it is able to represent and store the entire body of knowledge about the world. The linguistic picture of the world is a pattern of the individual's perception of reality, fixed in the language".
K.filol.n S.V. Valiulina
... Cicero (104 - 43 BC) is extremely negative about the passion of love and believes that it is necessary to fight it. Therefore, reasoning about love passion allows this thinker to show the false, erroneous nature of everyday ideas about love, which is the cause of immoral and sometimes even illegal actions.
Ph.D. S. S. Demina
she is poor quality in love - mania . According to the medical classification, this "love addiction" in the ICD-10 is classified as a mental disorder, in the section "Disorders of habits and drives" (F63) in subsection F 63.9 - "Disorders of habits and drives". The general symptoms for her are the following: obsessive thoughts about something else, sudden mood swings, overestimated self-esteem, self-pity, insomnia, interrupted sleep, rash, impulsive actions, changes in blood pressure, headaches.
A survey of 416 girls from the university revealed that the group is not represented at all with a high probability of love addiction - 15% (51% with an average probability), more important is the fact that the group with a certain "immunity" is small, that is, a group with a low probability of love addiction. Only 34% of the surveyed girls are psychologically ready to establish mature partnerships.
Doctor of medical sciences O. Zh. Buzik, A.D. Efimova "Love addiction among university students: connection with other dependent behaviors and personal autoaggression."
Criteria for distinguishing between love and addiction. S. Peel, A. Brodsky
Test for detecting love addiction according to Egorov.
Screening test for sexual addiction according to Carnes.
One of the brightest philosophers shared the same point of view:
“Love is tragic in this world and does not allow improvement, does not obey any norms. Love promises those who love death in this world, and not the dispensation of life. And the greatest thing in love, that which preserves its mysterious holiness, is the renunciation of any life perspective, the sacrifice of life. All creativity demands this sacrifice, requires sacrifice and creative love. Life improvement, family improvement is the grave of love. Sacrificial death in life and puts the stamp of eternity on love. Love is closer, more intimate, deeper connected with death than with birth, and this connection, guessed by the poets of love, is the guarantee of its eternity. The deep opposite of love and procreation".
And lust, sex has nothing to do with love either. This link is not conceived by nature, but is a cultural construct. They were strapped to one another just over two thousand years ago.
History of the culture of sexual relations and fidelity. E. Pushkarev
Osho (Bhagavan Shri Rajneesh): "It seems that humanity is too suppressed. Therefore, people invented substitute words. In the Western world they do not say:" We are having sex", they say: "We are making love" substitute. And this is false, because love belongs to a completely different dimension. Having sex means having sex, it is not making love. Love can include sex, but still it has a different quality".
Doctor of Philosophy O.I. Nikolina
Anthropologist Professor Helen Fisher from Rutgers University in New Brunswick, head of the study: “The volunteers were shown photographs of loved ones and simultaneously scanned the brain: the mechanism of activation and the zones of certain parts of the brain were very different from what happens during sexual arousal. Love and sex are completely different phenomena, sometimes not even connected with each other".
H. Fischer: “Lust - the passionate desire for sexual satisfaction is mainly associated with the hormone testosterone: in both men and women. Romantic love - with the natural stimulant dopamine and possibly norepinephrine and serotonin. And the feeling of attachment between a man and a woman is generated mainly by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin ... Each of these basic drives travels in the brain along different paths. Each generates different behaviors, hopes and dreams. And each is associated with a different neurochemistry".
D.philos.n. V.M. Rozin. "To the distinction between love and sexuality"
The same idea was expressed in his own way by another Doctor of Philosophy. L.V. Zharov: “Love, in essence, does not need bodily contact. Moreover, the body is often the main obstacle to love, especially in its physiological manifestations. For love, it would be better to have an ethereal, angelic body, or what people should find in paradise".
So, natural love is an exclusively creative, positive state.
Germain de Stael
F. Engels in his work "Ludwig Feuerbach and the End of Classical German Philosophy" notes that "... sexual love during the last 8 centuries has become an obligatory axis around which all poetry revolves." Over the centuries, huge mountains of amorous - erotic literature have been written.
And by the end of the XIX century philosopher MO Menshikov wrote: «But especially great role literature played in the cult of love ".
"Acting for centuries on the unstable brains of average people, a love story corrupts the sexual feeling more than any other influence."
“We are all now reveling in love stories, but, I repeat, there will be a time when the purest story of the feelings of a lover, even as graceful as Werther, will seem as out of place as a story about digestion and its upset. Love stories will be described in clinical journals, as diseases are now described, because sexual love is a typical "growing pain", where instead of acute physical pain in paroxysms there is acute pleasure. I have no doubt that a medical scientist could, after carefully studying love, collect enough material for an interesting dissertation".
Whether love is experienced as a substitute, as participation in fictitious experiences of other people, whether it is transferred from the present to the past or the future, such an abstract and alienated form of love serves as a drug that relieves the pain of reality, loneliness and alienation. The Art of Love. E. Fromm
This literary and television drug turned out to be in demand and, like any other drug, is highly profitable. Professor, Ph.D. pskh. n. E. V. Ulybina notes that the so-called women's novel, also known as a love story and a pink novel, is one of the most popular genres, and this phenomenon is extremely close in terms of its structural and content features to a fairy tale.
Another scientific confirmation of the correctness of the conclusions of A.I. Herzen:
“The hardest thing is for women, because they are more influenced by feelings than men, they also tend to surrender to these feelings completely. Even if with their minds they understand that this is far from love, they still cannot help themselves. Clinging to old feelings, they continue to suffer".
N. M. Manturova, A. V. Ogneva "Love addiction. Love or addiction?"
Our culture has turned people into Homo amorabundus - a person who is languishing in love.
Psychotherapist A. Kurpatov "Five great secrets of a man and a woman." The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
The accuracy of the conclusions made by A.I. Herzen and confirmed by modern psychologists can be supplemented with quotes:
"I like that you are not sick with me, / I like that I am not sick with you"
"The cross of love is heavy - and we will not touch it"
"I recognize you, death, / Whatever you call: / In the son - growth, in the drain - a worm: / The eternal third in love"
"Must experience on this earth / Every love torture"
"He betrayed you to longing and suffocation / Poisoners of love"
Emancipated women, unable to withstand the destructive impact of the "Moloch of Love", chose a different path:
"Love is otherworldly, one can doubt its reality ..."
“... love is the most invented world. The greatest invention of mankind".
A. Maiskaya: “There is no true love - my best friend Natasha has been convincing me of this for many years. And my own life convinces me even more of this. Yes, love sometimes happens between people - that's just genuine and mutual very rarely".
K. Strizh (Volyntseva):
Love is a provocation, a person deserves more than love.
Or rather, a person deserves more than this very Moloch, the amorous chimera that our culture imposes instead of explaining what is true love.
Besides, "Moloch of Love" after A.I. Herzen only increased its momentum, increasing its destructive effect.
By the beginning of the XXI century:
D.psh.n N.I. Kozlov, in his "Book for Those Who Like to Live, or The Psychology of Personal Growth," calls love a speculation on an especially large scale.
The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
“... love lyrics teach anything but sober thinking. This is a dope, a dream".
D.philos.n. V.M. Rozin. "Problems of love in the context of the contradictions of the modern family".
In his other work "Love and sexuality in culture, family and views on sex education" V.М. Rozin asks the question: "These and other statements of N. Berdyaev make us pose the question: what kind of love is he talking about?"
Not only in relation to N. Berdyaev, but in any substantive conversation, we are forced to ask this question. What kind of love is the author talking about?
And any attempt to understand and answer this question becomes meaningless because: "Love is so distorted, profane and vulgarized in fallen human life that it has become almost impossible to pronounce the words of love, you need to find new words." N. Berdyaev.
"Love we call a variety of things, from love-good, which must be carried through the whole life, and ending with love for one night. The toughest models can be found in pop culture - but only there are popular remakes of" Romeo and Juliet ". Irony reigns in intellectual literature. Modern novels never end with a wedding. The question always arises: what happened then? And then - everyday life, disappointment ..."
Professor, Doctor of Philosophy E.N. Shapinskaya
Natural love is already devoid of independence, it arises not from human relationships, its natural self, but from orientation towards overheated by drama templates imposed by culture. They are generated by mass culture, penetrate the consumer and the viewer, capturing his consciousness, controlling motivation and directing experiences.
If we use the statement of the French playwright Jean Cocteau: “There is no love, there is only evidence of love”, then the mountains of this evidence first distorted the concept of love , then perverted and turned into something impossible and dangerous for use in human life. Since this amorous pressure of proof of love has been going on for many centuries, it has already been passed on to the next generations at the genetic level.
And as a result, the situation is such that the question of love for a modern person is equal in importance to the question of the meaning of life, and for many it is identical to it. Living life and not loving, living life and not being loved is not the worst nightmare? Especially for the young.
The concept of love, of course, belongs to such high spiritual abstractions, above which, in the words of R. Rozhdestvensky, “a dead, airless space begins in the human soul”
D.filol. S.G. Vorkachev. "The concept of love in the Russian language consciousness".
“Love that moves the sun and the lights” by Dante;
"Love is a miracle of civilization" by Stendhal;
"Love is the apotheosis of life." A.I. Herzen;
"The highest value on this Earth is Love." A.A. Block;
"Love is the seal of the image of God in man" M.А. Bulgakov;
"... Love is generally a precious blessing, happiness and consolation of human life - moreover, its only true basis ..." S. L. Frank;
"Love is a monarch among feelings" Yu.B. Rurikov;
“Love is the ultimate goal of world evolution, however, of the universe. Love is the highest reality, the eternal basis of everything ... ”Novalis;
"Love is the most important word in the language: love plays a major role in life ..." G. Chapman. "Five languages of love"
All these statements and a huge number of similar ones can be considered pagan incantations, idolatry for a long time, because there is not only no scientific definition of love, but there are even doubts:
“Love. It colors life with bright colors on clear days and warms on rainy days. Many different words are spoken about this phenomenon, not even all of which you can print ... And there is no agreement between people (often between Him and Her, but not only), what is generally called the word "love". For thousands of years, people have been arguing about the secrets of life and death, but, in any case, they agree with each other on what is the subject of the conversation. Otherwise, with love - here we just do not always know what the dispute is about. Is it really there at all, or is it something mystical, like fate, transmigration of souls or a national idea? " Doctor of Psychology, Professor of Moscow State University D. Leontiev
D.filol. S.G. Vorkachev: “Indeed, most of the semantic features verbalized in Russian poetry are associated with the“ flip side ”of this high feeling: physical and spiritual suffering, mental disorder, deception and disappointment, ephemerality and illusion - indeed“ of all the arguments against love ... the appeal is especially close: "Caution! You will suffer" (Lewis 1989) ".
"But I recognize by all the signs / The disease of love in my soul";
“And the heart hurts and loves everything / Because it cannot but love”;
“The mind is darkened; wild flame / And the poison of desperate love / Already flowing in his blood ”;
"In the soul of the unfortunate conceal / Love and hatred poison";
"Love muddies my imagination"
“I used to suffer from love”;
"And drain the bowls, / Love in a mad dream"
“Deception has disappeared, there is no happiness! And with me / One love, one exhaustion ”;
"We drink sweet poison in love"
"Oh, how murderously we love, / As in the violent blindness of passions / We are most surely destroying, / What is dearer to our heart";
"Fate is a terrible sentence / Your love was for her"
"... The pain that the world calls love" V.Ya. Bryusov
“Is love a natural feeling? Is it human to love? Love is a disease, but for a disease the law is not written "I. S. Turgenev
"But no, I will never quench my torment - / Love for you." I.A. Bunin
"My love, my torment, / My exhaustion" I.G. Ivanov
“I loved you. Love is still (perhaps / that just pain) drills my brains ”I.А. Brodsky
"I am forever wounded by love - / I can hardly drag";
"All the same, my love is / is a heavy weight";
“Mom! Your son is perfectly ill! / Mama! His heart is on fire".
"You have forgotten that there is love in the world, / Which both burns and destroys!";
"Longing, passion, fire / There is a madness of love"; "After all, weakness is akin to a person, / Love is an eternal disease" N.А. Zabolotsky; "Ah, I hated love - / The disease to which all of us are subject to" L.N. Gumilyov; "Between them an infection wanders / And poisons their blood: / Typhus, cholera, leprosy / Hatred and love" M.А. Voloshin
“I understand - this fear is love”;
"Love is a monster / that devours even its own children"
"Love is a punishment, or maybe a reward / Or maybe both" RI Rozhdestvensky
“Love is terrible, merciless, it is monstrous. Love is tender. Love is airy. Love is inexpressible and inexplicable...". K.D. Balmont
"... after all, everyone was secretly tormented by this problem. He fought over her decision for himself, suffered from this torment of sexual longing, dreamed of love, everyone knows the recognized truth that almost all tragedies in life are connected with sex and love". N. Berdyaev.
"Love ... a sublime creation on a par with the meanest ...". P. Mantegazza
Even a Japanese woman, Ph.D. Arakawa Yoshiko remarked:
“In a Russian romance, the happiness of love is necessarily sad, as it is accompanied, as a rule, by suffering and tears. To love is certainly to suffer, to be ready to die in the name of love. Love, suffering, sorrow, torment, tears, death are inextricably linked and come to the fore in the verbal expression of the concept "love" in Russian romances".
As a result of this set of statements, one can summarize again by statements:
“Nothing is more controversial than love; either it is such a stupid thing that she is not able to know herself, or so disgusting that she must hide herself under make-up "
"Love is the only feeling in which everything is true and everything is false, say any absurdity about it, and it will turn out to be true."
"Love in the form that it has taken in our society is just a play of two whims and the contact of two epidermis."
N.-S. de Chamfort
"True love is like a ghost: everyone talks about it, but no one has seen it."
F. La Rochefoucauld;
"Love is the triumph of imagination over intellect"
And in our time, writers and poets, imitating their predecessors, continue to bend the pathological version of the nature of love. So "50 Shades of Gray" by E. L. James - a novel about a sadomasochist, Orhan Pamuk's "Museum of Innocence" - about a hidden fetishist, and others. It's like imposing spicy, salty, oversaturated food for many centuries, and then wondering why healthy and wholesome dishes are not popular with us? Just like real, earthly, daily love is not popular.
Natasha Rostova and Pierre Bezukhov. Examples of true love. E. Pushkarev
If "buffalo" is written on the elephant's cage - do not believe your eyes!
So in the word "love" they put so many feelings, experiences, passions, painful disorders, drives that are at war with each other, affecting the quality of human life in different ways. And then, in order to somehow reassure themselves from such absurdity, philologists called this whole menagerie in clever words: concept, ambivalence, antinomy.
D.filol. S.G. Vorkachev. "The concept of love in the Russian language consciousness"
The contradictory nature of the concept of love lies not only in sensory experiences, but also in the focus on action. The etymological analysis of the definition of love, carried out by the philologists I. Levova, L. Pashnina, led the authors to the conclusion about the inconsistency of its context, since on the one hand, the concept is based on pushing another person to active actions, on the other, it consists in anxious expectation of something and a feeling of deception.
The scientific literature has recorded the connection of love with many positive and negative emotions, such as reverence, gratitude, goodwill, anger, cruelty, envy, courtesy, revenge, hope, resentment, hatred, displeasure, sadness, depression, censure, praise, devotion, gratitude. , humiliation, drunkenness, joy, debauchery, jealousy, pride, self-satisfaction, avarice, compassion, fear, confidence, pleasure, ambition and gluttony.
K. philological sciences. M.V. Smolentseva
Theoretical interpretations of love are often paradoxical, contradictory, mutually incompatible (love is reasonable - love is insane; love elevates - love humiliates; love bestows pleasure - love brings torment; love enriches - love devastates). It is generally accepted that in these contrasting assessments, each thesis can be proven equally convincingly.
Bulgarian philosopher K. Vasilev
Another analogy: the word "Love" can be compared with a gun, which not only does not have a front sight, but which has a bent barrel, and this curvature is different for different guns. Therefore, where the bullet will fly after the shot is completely impossible to predict. Moreover, this gun, due to its "ambivalence and antinomy", can shoot at the hunter himself.
As an apostle during it,
I Will Take A Thousand Thousand Roads.
A crown has been prepared for you for centuries,
And in the crown are my words -
V. Mayakovsky , shot himself on April 14, 1930
I didn't know that love is an infection,
I did not know that love is a plague.
С. Yesenin , hanged himself on December 28, 1925
Winnie the Pooh: I got it! These are the wrong bees! Wrong! And they're probably making the wrong honey!
More about honey. A fly in the ointment spoils a barrel of honey. And if there is almost no honey left in the barrel, because a variety of ingredients are regularly poured into it: turpentine, castor oil, valerian, alcohol ... this is no longer honey at all, but another substance, and our culture is still unusable for consumption, the amorous mixture is called love. "Love, love, there is no point in the rest." J. La Fontaine.
K. philological sciences L.Z. Gibadullina
The question arises: Is there not enough confusing and confusing cognitive features in the concept of "love" in the Tatar language, or maybe there are too many in Russian?
Tar can get into honey due to a misunderstanding, but a variety of mental phenomena are lovingly poured into a barrel, most of them destructive for a thousand years. Moreover, outstanding people, cultural officials are engaged in this unseemly business, and after them all the rest are catching up.
Bitter honey on the lips.
This taste is familiar to me.
I will not give it to anyone
Everything That Is In My Heart.
"Bitter honey" Alexander Buinov
With this bitter poisonous honey, our culture begins to smear lips from early childhood.
Teacher of literature; PhD in Philology Associate Professor of the Department of Russian Literature of the 20th Century and Foreign Literature of Yelets State University named after I. A. Bunin, Elena Valerievna Isaeva.
During the rehearsal, Igor Sorin, the former soloist of "Ivanushki ..." went out onto the balcony (6th floor) to smoke, and threw himself out, he was 29 years old. Soon after this, a ninth-grader, a Muscovite Nastya Volkova climbed the staircase of the 6th floor, opened a window and threw herself out, crashed to death. In her suicide note, Nastya wrote: "After Igor's death, life lost all meaning." After Igor's suicide, in addition to Nastya, 5 more girls all over Russia committed suicide.
Question to Elena Valerievna "Are the feelings that Nastya and five other girls felt for Igor are also stronger than death?"
"... are symbols of true love for student readers: these are the heroes of A. Kuprin's" Pomegranate Bracelet "(Zheltkov - 13%), M. Bulgakov" The Master and Margarita "(Margarita - 9%), A. Pushkin" Eugene Onegin ”(Tatiana Larina - 9%). It is significant that the respondents named the ability to sacrifice, sincerity and disinterestedness of feeling, the ability to love despite the prevailing circumstances as the most valued qualities of these heroes: without sacrificial deeds, from their point of view, there is no love.
Love without a tragic halo loses its strength and mystery, turning into a good friendship between spouses, unable to compete with the true feeling of love either in strength, or in depth, or in drama. Margarita was married to a man from whom "I saw nothing but good." Prince Shein is a noble and sensitive companion of Vera, the husband of Tatyana Larina is Prince N., a respectable and honored general, Pierre Bezukhov is a loving, deeply thinking father of the family, but the reader's idea of true love is connected with completely different heroes of these works. It was precisely the tragic price that was paid for the right to love G.S. Zheltkov, Margarita, Andrei Bolkonsky, Tatyana Larina, are able to convince readers of the sincerity and dedication of genuine feelings.
It seems that such an understanding of love proves that special quality of the national mentality, which researchers call binary maximalism and which is clearly expressed by the laconic formula “either all or nothing”. True feeling should be associated with the inner conflict nature of the image and demand from the individual sacrificial self-denial, intense spiritual aspiration, high, often tragic payment for love - it is no coincidence that the high poetry of unfulfilled love passes through all, for only such love can remain eternal and unchanged.
In Russian literature, love is understood, first of all, as a spiritual maxim, an unattainable ideal, since it reflects not only a real human feeling, but also the intensity of the emotional impulse of the individual in search of the moral absolute, without which there is no happiness for the Russian soul. It is this cultural attitude that is clearly manifested in the attitude of modern readers to the heroes of the works, symbolizing for them a genuine and high feeling ”.
K.filol.n. N.V. Oturgasheva
The theme of antinomies and ambivalences of love is being worked on not only by philologists, but also by individual enthusiastic psychologists, but their voice, unfortunately, is drowned out by the mighty choir of singers of love passion.
K. pskh. n. Fedosova: “Unfortunately, the love that is sung in literary sources and is a role model is precisely love addiction. The stories of Romeo and Juliet, Petrarch and Laura, Jose and Carmen, Anna Karenina and Vronsky and other excellent descriptions of such relationships show people exactly what true love should be. Full of suffering and anxiety, obstacles and humiliation, most likely without prospects and flowing like sand. The vast majority of love songs are about addictive relationships. The series, in which the heroes overcome almost impossible obstacles, suffer from bullying and betrayal, and in the end get what they want, praise the love addiction. People from childhood are brought up on such examples, forming a stereotype that true love can and should be unhappy and full of suffering".
Doctor of Philosophy. V.V. Zhirinovsky
The result of an endless stream of amorous and erotic influences: literature, television, stage, the Internet:
K.filol.n E.Yu. Balashova
Sociologists have also contributed to the study of this issue:
The study also found that the value of love is the same for both
Russian (56%) and American students (51%). However, the meaning that
students put into the concept of "love" is different. For Russians, this is, first of all
turn, "fairy tale, dream, euphoria", for Americans - "friendship,
the opportunity to spend time together".
Revealed the following contradictions in the system of life values Russian students: the contradiction between the high appraisal of the value health and orientation towards a healthy lifestyle; between high value family and the meaning that Russian students put in love.
K.soc.n. A.A. Cherkasova
In our own way, but on a course laid and imposed by our culture, which leads the ship to reefs, rocks, shoals, to waterfalls and whirlpools.
Okay, poets and writers have a special artistic, romantic, figurative mindset, they mainly write for the soul. And how do scientists who write for the mind, they explain how love?
“There are two mutually exclusive theories of love: pessimistic (dependence on a loved one) and optimistic (love relieves anxiety, promotes self-actualization of the individual). The optimistic theory was developed within the framework of humanistic psychology". O.N. Bogachkin
Moreover, the developers and the first: Z. Freud, L. Kasler, J.P. Sartre, A. Afanasyev and others.
and the second A. Maslow, J. Lee, R. May, R. Hatiss, Z. Rubin, V. Mustein, E. Fromm and others.
are all respected scientists and there are even Nobel Prize winners.
Actually classifications of love relationships, there are much more, but their essence boils down to one thing: the mutual exclusion of one another ...
This is also how one group of scientists created a multiplication table in which twice two equals 0.71, and the other equals 9.37.
P. Mantegazza XIX century
In modern conditions, people who are able to love are rather an exception; love in today's Western society is a marginal phenomenon.
E. Fromm “The Art of Love”. 1956
I always thought that I should show children how to make love, and explain to them once and for all that love is nothing. But no one will do that, because love and sex are business.
Andy Warhol 1983
Therefore, the "bees" who make the bitter-poisonous honey of "love" in our culture indicate the course for its acquisition, despite their conscientious delusions, engage in sabotage, and the harmfulness of the word "love" can be confirmed by numbers.
According to statistics, about 80% get married "for love".
“Now (1999, the trend is growing), half of young families break up in the first year of life, two thirds - in the first five years, in 70% of families that have not yet broken up, the spouses are in tense relations ...”
D.philos.n. V.M. Rozin "Problems of love in the context of the contradictions of the modern family"
The number of divorces per 1000 marriages 2016, Russia - 895, Bryansk region. - 1253, Chechnya - 158.
“According to official statistics, we have 70 divorces per 100 marriages. And I say that 100% of marriages are divorces. We don't have families as such. It's just that people live in isolation in one territory, isolated from each other.
We have such families that only the outer shell keeps people together. I researched families where the marriage lasted 10-15 years, and asked a question of this type: "You would now marry your husband, but only everything will happen again as it was." And vice versa. As a result, only 5% of men did not regret having married this woman. And 9% of women. But, let's say, I agree to marry her, and my wife would not marry me now, if on a new one. So out of 11,400 families, there are five of them, where there is a mutual choice "
Corresponding Member of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences, MD, psychotherapist M.E. Litvak "Love is a rare thing"
Life events, in accordance with the pressure exerted on the psyche. Developed by American psychologists Holmes and Ray.
Selectively several events and their assessment in points.
Death of a Marital Partner ……… ..100
Divorce …………………………….… 73
Imprisonment …………… .63
Death of a close family member .... ... 63
Marriage ……………………………… ... 50
Retirement ………………… 45
It turns out that divorce undermines health harder than prison or the death of a loved one
"In recent years, wherever I travel to meet with statesmen and religious leaders, asking them what is the biggest problem in their country, I usually get the same answer: the state of the family. I hear it in the Caribbean, in South America, in the United States, in Israel - wherever I go - family breakdown is a universal problem.
That the institution of the family is subject to such attacks by the enemy should not surprise us. The disintegration of the family will lead to the collapse of civilization. The family is the first and fundamental unit of human society. "Dr. Miles Monroe.
... the first place among all human misfortunes (wars, diseases, epidemics, natural and other disasters) is confidently kept by love and family troubles. Life has shown for more than the first millennium that this area of our being is the most uncontrollable, the most unpredictable and insidious, the most cruel and fraught with injuries and tragedies.
Psychotherapist V. Levy. "Traumatology of Love". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ...".
Humanity will die from disharmony between men and women.
Doctor of Philosophy. V.V. Zhirinovsky
“Now is the time to think about banning and abolishing heterosexual relationships,” the president of the Federation of Women of Quebec (FFQ), 51-year-old feminist Madame Gabrielle Bouchard, tweeted. “The relationship of a heterosexual couple is too cruel. Moreover, they are most often based on religious doctrine".
Based on the results of this statistics, it is possible to derive a formula characterizing the situation with intersexual, individual love, where in the numerator mountains of love literature, cinema, television, the Internet are saturated with it, in the denominator the overwhelming number of people (including those who are married) are in an intense search for love, in a state of frustration of "unfulfilled love readiness", and as a result - the bottom line, about 0.5% of the lucky ones live and enjoy love.
Knowing these statistics and how much love gray geese experience from the works of K. Lorenz, how many monkeys from the works of G. Harlow and others, we can safely say that there is much more love in the animal world than in the human one
Stephanie Koontz, professor of history and family studies at Evergreen College in Olympia, Washington, has written Marriage Story: How Love Overcame Marriage. Dear Stephanie Kunz, it was not love that won marriage, but the poisonous ecology of the culture of love, which does not allow love itself to develop.
Ulrich Beck and his wife Elisabeth in their work Absolutely Normal Chaos of Love (1990) characterize this situation not just as chaos, but as the reality in which we live, as a normal situation.
If we consider two sayings of famous love researchers:
“Erich Fromm, a prominent American philosopher, took an important step forward here. In the book The Art of Love he presented a deep and new theory of love. "Love," he said, "is mainly giving, not receiving."
K. Philological Sciences, Sociologist Yu. Ryurikov "Honey and Poison of Love". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
You can add that the book E. Fromm “The Art of Love. Investigation of the nature of love " (1956) undoubtedly influenced subsequent studies of this topic.
“Fromm is a chatterbox who, in psychological terms invented by himself, explains the previous psychological terms, which also mean nothing. Experiencing the phenomenon of another person as your own is an idiocy from a biological point of view.
... I think that in the modern world ninety percent of what is associated with the word "love" is fiction. Why? Yes, because we are humans only by a few percent, that is, exactly as much as the cortex occupies in the total volume of the brain. Everything else is the limbic system inherited from reptiles. It is she who is responsible for sexual behavior, that is, for love".
Professor, Doctor of Biological Sciences. S. Savelyev
The conflict of these statements can be understood if we consider in detail what kind of love the authors are talking about.
E. Fromm's views on the nature of love and its significance in human life make up an essential part of the "humanistic ethics", which, in his formulation, is "the applied science of the art of living". Thus, the "art of living" for him includes the "art of love." The assertion that love is an art, and not an instinct and not a gift from above, expresses the specificity of E. Fromm's views, because for him love is agape. In Russian, philanthropy that needs to be learned.
And for the biologist S. Savelyev, love is one of the evolutionary methods for the most effective reproduction, continuation of the species, even more precisely, "dopaminergic goal-setting motivation for the formation of temporary paired bonds in order to give birth to offspring", which does not need to be learned. In Russian this is falling in love or eros, in which the main motive and goal is sexual contact.
Love-agape and love-potos are meaningfully in no way connected with each other "affective systems", each of which has its own neural correlate, which in the brain is responsible for its own special sensory and behavioral repertoire. The only thing that unites them is a cultural misunderstanding, the word "love" with which they are designated. This is one of many examples of how the word "love" has confused respected scientists. But what about ordinary people, especially young people?
Raoul de Roussy de Seims.
If we once again recall the analogy with the zoo, where the most different, conflicting animals were put in one cage, there will be problems, if these animals are bred in different cages, there will be no problems.
"Love is a real tangle of paradoxes. It exists in so many different forms and variations that you can say whatever you want about it - and most likely you will be right."
G. Fink, scientist at the court of Queen Victoria
"Love is everything ... And that's all we know about it."
E. Dickinson, second half of the 19th century.
"Only one subject is allowed to a decent person to interpret at random - about love, this is beyond doubt."
“Love is an extremely tempting subject, although it is impossible to talk about it. Matter is subtle and indefinable in its essence ”.
P. J. Steel, mid-19th century
"Love is unknown what, which comes from nowhere and ends unknown when."
Madeleine de Scudery, 17th century.
"Love is everything, and it affects everything, and everything can be said about it, and everything can be attributed to it."
D. Bruno, second half of the 16th century
"This secret is great ..."
Apostle Paul (Ephes. 5:32), beginning of our era
The author has collected more than a hundred pairs of statements of prominent, famous people , in which the first contradicts the second. Or there is a contradiction in the same statement. What is the point of understanding the amorous idea, the statement of the author, if it is easier to find an analogue refuting them?
"To love deeply means to forget about yourself."
"The true essence of love is ... to find yourself and to have yourself."
Which arbitration or magistrate court can judge who is right J.-J. Rousseau or G. Hegel?
Therefore, the word "love" is simply unsuitable for semantic use. due to its multidimensionality, overloaded with antinomies and ambivalences, it is suitable only for fiction and philosophical literature as a kind of metaphysical, existential abstraction describing "unearthly joy", "otherworldly", "cosmic absolute".
Often, love is nothing more than a mutually beneficial deal made by two people, each of whom gets the most from what he can count on, based on the value of both of them in the market for individuals.
E. Fromm "Sane Society"
Often what is taken for love is that which is not. The custom of "getting married", common economic interests, mutual affection for children, mutual dependence - all this is perceived as "love" until one or both partners admit that they do not love and have never loved each other.
E. Fromm "Love and its decay in modern society"
Here's the Oxford Explanatory Dictionary of Psychology, the definition of love begins:
Oxford Explanatory Dictionary of Psychology. Ed. A. Reber, 2002
I hope that we have found out, while the Russian word "love" contains much more problems and harmfulness than understanding. And what about love in other ethnic groups?
- subjects of Russian nationality are characterized by inconsistency, irrationality. Love is associated with beauty, happiness, joy, delight - on the one hand, and with sadness, suffering, longing, sadness, tears - on the other.
- the subjects of the Chinese nationality are characterized by rationality, there is no contradiction, love for them is harmony, perfection, music, melody, poem".
... love among representatives of Russian culture is a deeper and stronger feeling in emotional experience, compared to the Chinese and Koreans from South Korea.
Established significant differences in the semantic spaces of meanings of the word "love" between groups of subjects belonging to the same nationality, but who are speakers of different languages (Russian-speaking Koreans and Koreans from South Korea), and the absence of these differences between groups of subjects belonging to different nationalities, but who are native speakers of one (Russian) language (Russian and Russian-speaking Koreans), allowed to confirm the scientific hypothesis about the influence of language on the way of thinking and the way of feeling of the people speaking it.
Candidate of cultural studies A.V. Sevryuk
Surely there will be a connoisseur of fine literature who, in justification of Russian irrationality, entanglement in love, will remember the mysterious Russian soul, but philologists have their own arguments about this too.
In the modern Russian language, the religious understanding of love has been lost; it has become a purely anthropocentric category. The linguistic consciousness of a modern person appeals, first of all, to interpersonal relations "a feeling of warm heart inclination, attraction to a person of the opposite sex."
K. philological sciences. I. Ivanova
Frequency dictionaries of modern languages indicate that "love" is one of the most used words, both in literature and in pop culture, therefore it can be entered into the Guinness Book of Records both as the most frequently used homonym, and as the most overloaded with meanings and contradictory word.
The question arises: "How many antinomies and ambivalences must accumulate in a word in order to recognize it as unsuitable and harmful"? After all, there are precedents. A useful product is potatoes. Cooks have been processing it for a long time with additives of no less useful products, as a result, chips are obtained, which nutritionists have called junk food, and have been banned from selling at school. And when will the garbage word "love" be banned from propaganda at school?
Psychiatric confusion with love in school literature. E. Pushkarev
Possible correct answers:
"Love must be reinvented ..."
Arthur Rimbaud, late 19th century.
"Love is so distorted, profaned and vulgarized in fallen human life that it has become almost impossible to pronounce the words of love, new words must be found."
N. Berdyaev, first half of the twentieth century.
German philosopher Norbert Bolz
... the world has gone mad, people are degenerating into either asexual or multi-sex beings, and the end of the world is not far off.
Doctor of Philosophy L.V. Zharov "Bisexual Revolution"
Multiple facts confirming the correctness of these statements are given:
Ecology of the culture of love.
"Romantic love": aspects, analysis and consequences. E Pushkarev.
Psychological health is a prerequisite for love. E. Pushkarev
For nine centuries of unrestrained and often painful fantasies of poets, writers, philosophers and other cultural workers, love has been turned into a pagan deity or, more precisely, into a sect. And in the first place in it, as in any sect, self-interest, because poets and writers from the very beginning (XII century) realized that works with an amorous plot are better sold. And since the 19th century. businessmen and bankers got involved because on advertising with a lovingly - sexual context everything is better sold - concrete mixers, beer, and rental, and in the most shameless way they exploit this human weakness.
Moreover, this sect not only involved and finally confused broad layers of the population, but also the scientific, academic community, which itself is actively working to involve and educate new sectarians and adherents.
Psychiatric confusion with love in school literature. E. Pushkarev
Academician of the Russian Academy of Sciences, Doctor of Psychology A.L. Zhuravlev
Therefore, I propose to cut this poisonous amorous Gordian knot in one fell swoop. To describe intimate inter-sex relations, as advised by A. Rimbaud and N.A. Berdyaev to abandon the word "love" because of its excessive harmfulness. Because the patient is more likely dead than alive. And as new words in the scientific community to use the wisdom of the ancient Greeks and use their terms to characterize various drives, various terms corresponding to them.
Philia - love-affection, love-sympathy, love-friendship, which presupposes free individual choice;
Friendship + Love = Philia. E. Pushkarev.
storge - generic indissoluble bond, love-affection;
agape - love for one's neighbor, selfless, sacrificial love;
pragma - “practical” love balanced by a meaningful choice;
eros - sensual love;
mania - love-obsession, love-addiction;
ludus - love is a game, and to win as much as possible, spending as little energy as possible;
eunoia love - giving;
sweat - lust;
aphrodisia - "affairs of Aphrodite";
akolasia - body pleasures, were terms for pleasures delivered through sight, hearing and smell;
haris - love - gratitude and respect;
latreya - "reverent worship", "cult service", love-reverence.
And in Russian, all these terms describing states independent of one another are written with a hyphen after the word "love". For this situation, we will use another animal analogy - "anti-elephant syndrome." Everyone knows the parable, as the four blind men described the elephant: a barrel, a rope, a pole, a rope. Because of their illness, the blind did not manage to combine the individual features of the elephant into a single being. But culturologists, starting from the Renaissance, all these independent states, caused most often by sexual desires, precisely differentiated by ancient Greek terms, united by a single circulatory system and called them "types of love", which irresistibly confused its understanding. And if we distribute these states to different laboratories for research, this will not be a dismemberment of a whole, living organism, it will be a regular, regular specialization. This is also how in the ocean the life paths of sharks (fish) and whales (animals) intersect, but they are studied by different sciences, although you can find something in common in them.
I will clarify again in the understanding of the ancient Greeks:
- the term philia was used to denote individual love, both intersexual and friendly, and brotherly;
- to denote philanthropy, selflessness, altruistic self-giving, spiritual love of complete sacrifice and self-denial, built on condescension and forgiveness was the term agape;
- to denote natural falling in love was the term eros;
- to denote poor quality falling in love the terms mania, ludus.
And the rest of the above terms are a wide range of intersexual attractions, which in my classification I refer to fake love. These are independent psychophysiological states that do not depend on one another and have nothing to do with love - philia, philanthropy - agape.
D.philos.n. A. Spirkin "A Brief History of Love". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ...".
In the Greek version of the New Testament, the terms both "agape" and "philia" are used, and in the Russian and English versions they are translated by the one word love, i.e. both semantic distortions and confusion are introduced, since the semantic fields "agape", "philia" are different, thus additional antinomies and ambivalences are introduced into the word love.
An example of translation of "love" into the ancient Greek language of famous people. Only through this do we disavow most of the love antinomies and ambivalences.
philia deserves special attention .
Philia was considered the most important human feeling among the ancient Greeks. The true goal and meaning of love in the understanding of Aristotle was precisely in friendship, and not in sensual attraction - eros. He wrote:
"Love, therefore, comes more from friendship than from sensual attraction. But if most of all from friendship, then friendship is the goal of love. Consequently, sensual attraction is either not a goal at all, or it is for the sake of friendship."
"... the most lasting, faithful and most beautiful friendship is the mutual love of worthy people, which, naturally, is based on virtue and goodness."
Friendship + Love = Philia. E. Pushkarev.
According to Plato, love and friendship are not so much different feelings, but different aspects - spiritual and sensual - of the same total personal affection, which the philosopher defines as "thirst for integrity and striving for it": (Feast, 193a)
D. Philos. n. I.S. Kon
And in pop culture, instead of the harmful word "love" that has finally compromised itself, to preserve and expand its positive part of the semantic field, replace it with the term "harmony". Thus, we at once get rid of antinomies, ambivalences, all that suffering negativity sewn into the term "love".
The tireless working writers and poets will distort and vulgarize these terms, as they have perverted the term "love" for nine centuries.
But for several centuries it will be possible to use their true meanings.
Harmony harmonious combination, mutual correspondence (objects, phenomena, parts of a whole, qualities, etc.).
Synonyms of harmony: consistency, serenity, naturalness, completeness, pacification, unity, musicality, sound, duality, joy ...
"When love speaks, the voices of all gods make the heavens doze off with a sense of harmony."
English proverb "Congruity is the mother of love" - "Harmony is the mother of love"
A successful combination of opposites is the most favorable condition for harmony, and what at first causes amazement, then often looks completely natural.
If my suggestions at first cause amazement, then later these suggestions will look completely natural.
E. Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet Club "ENLIGHTED LOVE"
Guide to the site and the main milestones in the knowledge of love. E. Pushkarev
The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.
Briefly about love. E. Pushkarev
The concept of "love". E. Pushkarev
Man and woman: compatibility, love. E. Pushkarev
Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev
Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev
Psychology of love. E. Pushkarev
Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.
A confused person before the face of love. S. Markov
The religion of love. R. Precht
If to eliminate the confusion of love with pseudo-loves. E. Pushkarev
"Romantic love": aspects, analysis and consequences. E. Pushkarev
Consumer society and its antilove essence. E. Pushkarev
About the destructive influence of the "consumer society" on sexual love. Eh, Fromm