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Is love a disease? E. Pushkarev

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Love is the cure for all diseases, and it is often prescribed but rarely taken.
K. A. Menninger

Love addiction is a type of additive behavior with fixation on one person, perceived as passionate love. This behavioral disorder leads to the impossibility of starting a family or destroys the family, to conflicts, crimes, suicide, psychosomatic and neurotic disorders. Patients with this disorder rarely seek psychological and medical help due to the low publicity of this disorder. Therefore, it is very important for the prevention of love addiction to inform the population about this disease and the differences between normal love and love addiction.
Candidate of Medical Sciences, Associate Professor of the Department of Psychiatry S. I. Voroshilin

Is love a disease? Love is a theme with which, perhaps, the largest number of myths and delusions are connected, and one of them is “love is a disease”. And recently, the popularity of this delusion is growing: there are many articles on the Internet that simply impose this idea: "... scientists have proven that love is a disease." There is already a popular series in which the doctor profoundly and repeatedly repeats: "Love is a disease." In another film, Kiss Not for the Press, it is already quite blunt: “Love is a coma. The family is kept by something else".

Moreover, this delusion is imposed not only by fiction, but also by serious professionals, so V.A. Medvedev is the dean of the faculty of depth psychology, the vice-rector explains in detail "Love as a psychopathological state" , books by foreign authors: "Is love a disease?" Lauren Oliver, "Love Sick: Love as a Mental Illness" by Frank Tallis.

“Love is addiction, and not in a figurative, but in the literal sense of the word. … And worst of all, love is just chemicals that stimulate the activity of certain neural circuits and are intended not to elevate a person to a higher spiritual level, but to make reproduction attractive and turn us into raw materials for evolution. It's all so primitive". L. Young, B. Alexander “The Chemistry of Love. A scientific view of love, sex and attraction". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

“Love is a disease. Alas, not contagious.
Zarko Petan

Our Club is regularly approached with such a question. And since The Psychology of Love this is the main topic of our site to whom, else but we can tell that love is an exclusively and only positive feeling . This can be understood already from the definitions themselves:

by E. Fromm:

“Love is a fruitful form of relationship to others and to oneself. It implies care, responsibility, respect and knowledge, as well as the desire for the other person to grow and develop. This is a manifestation of closeness between two human beings, provided that the integrity of each of them is preserved".

by E. Pushkarev:

“Love is a stable, harmonizing, psychostimulating, meaning-forming state (relationship and feelings) of exclusive acceptance, which has gone through the stages of inception and development, based on unchanged psychological functions throughout life (for example, the basis of K. Jung), and their better compatibility in partners, and therefore becomes stronger and more beneficial over the years".

This is the 11th century philosopher Ibn Hazm expressed as follows: "... gravitation of similar souls, causeless and therefore eternal love"

                What is love. E. Pushkarev.

                True love, it is also compatible love. E. Pushkarev.

                Friendship + Love = Filia. E. Pushkarev.

                Culture of longevity of love. A culture of separation grief. E. Pushkarev.

As ideal versions of love:
From life
The famous French chemist Eugene Marcelien Berthelot (1827-1907), whom his contemporaries called the king of organic synthesis, loved his wife so much that he did not part with her even in his chemical laboratory. A special glass corner was made for Madame Berthelot, where she read, knitted, embroidered while her husband synthesized fats, phenol, formic acid and much more. At any time, he could not only see his wife, but also walk up to her to talk, hold her hand, and this was a source of strength for him for new scientific feats. The day of his wife's death was the last in the life of Berthelot himself. Therefore, the saying: "They lived a long time and happily and died in the same day," was born not from a simple fantasy, but from an uncommon but everyday reality. The spouses were buried in Notre Dame Cathedral in the same grave, paying tribute not only to scientific feat, but also to true love.
An example of true love from modern life:
Gennady Khazanov and Zlata Elbaum have been married for over 40 years, they have raised their daughter Alisa, and now they are helping to raise their grandchildren. Gennady: “We are both leaders, independent individuals. Zlata helped me not to turn off the creative path. She helped me develop as an artist, and not become a highly paid artisan, many talented artists were retrained as artisans. Zlata and I were created for each other, we blossomed next to each other, fully revealed our potentials ”.

More examples of true love.

There is love, but it is not for the adult infant. This is an adult feeling. You cannot buy it, you cannot get it by pull, you cannot steal it, you cannot take it away, you cannot beg. One can only mature before him. Grow up!
Psychologist E. Belyakova "Love is not for the adult infant"
An adult infant is one of the forms of low level of psychological health.

But around love there is a big set of pseudo-love states and real disorders:

Poor quality falling in love - mania. E. Pushkarev.

Poor quality falling in love - ludus. E. Pushkarev.

Poor quality falling in love - eros. E. Pushkarev

The resolution of the "love illness" issue has ancient historical roots, Ovid wrote his work " two thousand years ago Love cure ".

Love cannot be treated with herbs.

In love, it is easier to achieve an end than moderation.

In the future, medical luminaries, up to the present day, regularly dealt with and continue to deal with this disease - "love addiction ". This is one of the leading topics in our Club, and therefore we will take a closer look at the dramatic problem.

In the XI century. the famous Avicenna - Abu Ali Ibn Sina recognized "too strong love" as a disease. In the "Canon of Medicine", he listed the main painful symptoms: sunken eyes, continuously moving eyelids, shortness of breath, insomnia, growing thinness, uneven pulse, erratic behavior, frequent laughter, as if at this time a person sees something pleasant or hears joyful news. Love, Avicenna believed, is akin to glamor, madness and melancholy. All thoughts of a person are focused on admiration for the image of a loved one; sometimes it could be accompanied by lust. Treatment for love was carried out through sexual intercourse with concubines, if the social status of the bride did not provide the most obvious opportunity for healing - the marriage of young people; gossip of old women, distorting the perception of the beloved's appearance, made it possible to switch the lover's attention to another object; bloodletting; laxatives.

The story has become a legend when no doctor could cure an almost lifeless prince, because no one found the cause of his illness. Ibn Sina guessed that the disease was caused by his timid and voiceless love. Since the prince was hiding the name of his beloved, Ibn Sina ordered to say aloud first the names of the streets of the city, then the women's names, and he himself counted the guy's pulse, by the frequency of which he was able to determine both the street where the girl lived and her name. He insisted that the prince's parents marry their beloved, and brought the young man back to life.

Marsilio Ficino (XV century) devoted a lot of attention in his writings to the consideration of love. He also talked about "disastrous love", which leads a person to madness. He associated its inception with the heart, due to the malfunctioning of which, various parts of the body began to suffer. He suggested treating its effects with hard work, bloodletting, bodily exercise, as well as intimate relationships and the use of wine. Obviously, he believed it was better to die of alcoholism than of unhappy love.

In his works, Francis Bacon (XVI century) explained that sensual love bewitches a person, generates fictions and temptations, especially in the presence of an object of love. Very often she brings a lot of misfortune. Bacon gives examples of the fact that most of the powerful of this world were not carried away by love to the point of madness, since passions are characteristic of weak people. In this conclusion, the thinker reminds everyone of the necessary vigilance for salvation from sensual love. The passion that captures a person goes against the nature and true value of things, which is manifested in the unrealistic assessments given by people to their chosen ones.

It's a shame that this point of view is shared by the masters of the Russian:
- Psychology and Psychiatry Doctor of Medical Sciences, Doctor of Psychology V. Levy "Traumatology of Love": "A disease called love, too, I know from myself ...".
- Philosophy Doctor of Philosophy A.A. Ivin "Apocalypse of love: a philosophical essay on the diversity of love": "In most cases, true love is like a serious illness, but a disease, without which a person's existence becomes defective and incomplete." There are books in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

The first who could not stand the confusion of "normal love" with "disastrous love" were psychiatrists (mid-twentieth century. USA):

Because “... the heart of a psychiatrist is almost daily constricted from pain at the sight of excruciating delusions and suffering generated by this myth (about great and pure love). Millions of people spend a lot of energy desperately and hopelessly trying to reconcile the reality of their lives with the unreality of myth".
Morgan Scott Peck "The Myth of Romantic Love"

Numerous studies have been carried out using the latest biochemical methods and equipment: magnetic resonance imaging and many new things have been learned about the entire spectrum of amorous - erotic instincts.

About Professor Helen Fisher and true love. E. Pushkarev

Take the Helen Fisher test to select the best partner hormonal compatibility.

It was revealed that the mental pain experienced by a person experiencing certain types and stages of amorous attraction (as it turned out later, had nothing to do with love) is really pain of the nerves, the so-called "adrenaline melancholy": into the blood of a person under the influence negative stress is emitted sharply increased portions of adrenaline. Hence the oppressive, completely physical heaviness, from which it "hurts the soul", "tears the heart". Each cell of the body "groans" and "complains", the body pulls to the ground. Prolonged exposure to this condition leads to depression, physical and mental health disorders, illness and suicide.

According to WHO research, a person's inability to survive passion ranks 6th out of 800 reasons for suicide and accounts for about 6%.
Based on this pattern, in Russia in 2018 there were 1320 (total 22000) suicides, 3.6 per day.

A sufficient number of signs have been identified to distinguish love from a variety of loves and, which is especially important from psychological and mental disorders - love addictions.

A large collection of articles and books about love addiction, which our culture often calls "addictive love" "over-selective love" , "Neurotic love", "too much love", "more than love", "compulsive love", "toxic love", etc. and people suffering from these disorders.

Once again, love addictions - a painful type of amorous-sexual drives not only have nothing to do with love, but are attributed to both psychological and mental disorders - love addictions according to the International Classifier of Diseases (ICD-10) included in section F63 ... "Habit and impulse disorders" is a classification of non-chemical forms of addictive behavior.

Now it is already possible not only to determine the very fact of "love addiction",

Test for detecting love addiction according to Egorov.
Screening test for sexual addiction according to Carnes.

but also various signs of people predisposed to them even before its onset.

Individual psychological determinants of love addiction in girls. S. Skvortsova

Since the time of Ovid, and especially in recent decades, methods of treating love addiction have been developed, and now it is considered curable. But to cure it, like any other addiction: alcoholism, substance abuse, gambling addiction, etc., the patient's desire or readiness to get rid of it is necessary. But unfortunately, there are many cases when it is already impossible to get rid of “love”, “medicine is powerless”, these are cases in which life in disorder is more familiar and understandable for a patient, and a healthy, full-fledged life frightens him with its complexity.

It should be emphasized that love and love addiction are not just different mental phenomena, but also states located on opposite sides of the barricade health / illness, although in some external signs they are somewhat similar.

If to eliminate the confusion of love with pseudo-loves. E. Pushkarev

This is a malicious word "love". E. Pushkarev

To more clearly highlight the differences between them, you can give the following analogies:

You can make apple juice from apples, or you can make mash, which is then distilled into moonshine and stupefied from it to delirium tremens. So "true love" refers to "crazy, crazy, cursed love, etc." just like apple juice refers to apple moonshine, despite the fact that the original product is one.

Another one:

A gentle sea surf, on which it is pleasant to sway on an inflatable mattress, but it happens that it is replaced by a wild, deadly destructive tsunami, sweeping away everything in its path. As a result, thousands of victims - remember Fukushima. Love addiction ruins the lives of many more people than the tsunami.

It never occurs to anyone to combine these different natural products and phenomena with one term and concept, but in spiritual, amorous relationships for some reason this confusion is considered common. Amorous intersexual attraction is a platform on which several psychophysiological phenomena are located that are not in any way related to each other, but play an important role in human life.

Various feelings of love and being in love. E. Pushkarev.

An example of a severe form of love addiction:
Letter to the Club. “I turned to you because I suffer a lot, I love one person for 24 years. When we were young, we studied at the same institute, but then, without passing the exam, he was taken into the army. I went to see him every week, but stupid jealousy and lack of agreement (he met another girl, then married her in the army) caused the breakup. In the same month, I fell ill, lost 10 kg, quit college and work and for two months simply did not see anything, then the love of my parents gradually brought me out of this situation. I got married and gave birth to a son and was happy. But after 9 years in my life he appears again. I again seemed to lose my head, again believed that he loved me, cheated on my husband. I felt like the happiest in the world, I didn't live and flew through the air. He himself told my husband everything, insisted on my divorce. Now I have been dating him for 9 years, but he still remains in his family. Everything promises that we will be together, but he looks for opportunities to just have a good, quiet time with me and accuses me of not being together. When alone, I understand everything. When I forget everything with him, everything in the world. My Soul Hurts. Ksenia, 41 years old, Moscow ".

Love addiction has been studied well enough and it is possible to predict with a high degree of probability that happiness for Xenia will not come, even if she marries her lover. And the no less traumatic next stage of love mania will begin.

The second stage of love mania and Anna Karenina. E. Pushkarev

Ksenia, like most of our culture, stubbornly confuses an exclusively positive, constructive phenomenon - intersexual, individual love with a painful disorder.

University of California professor G. Santas notes that Sigmund Freud thinks about love in terms of symptoms and causes, as if love were a kind of ailment.
D.filos.n. V.M. Rozin. "Sigmund Freud's concept of sexuality"

Sigmund Freud about love.

Stefan Zweig spoke about the severe form of mania in the novel "Amok". He described the fate of a doctor from the colony, who, under the influence of love passion, lost the ability to control his actions. Talking about his sensual fever, about his passion for a lady, for whom he was not a man, a man, but a pariah (outcast, powerless), a thing, he compares his state with a special kind of intoxication among the Malays. Amok is a senseless, bloodthirsty monomania. Passion in her is combined with madness.

"Adele Syndrome" - a kind of love illness (in honor of Adele Hugo - the daughter of the famous French writer V. Hugo), has features similar to the manifestation of a deep love feeling; It is also characterized by long-term intensity, active activity of its expression: it can “flash up” in the form of altruistic actions and not “fade away” for many years, which makes it akin to a truly love experience and makes identification difficult. According to the story, Adele experienced unhappy, non-reciprocal love: all her life she was painfully in love with officer A. Pinson: she threw love letters at him, was jealous, paid his debts and spent her whole life wandering, pursuing her object of adoration. As a result, without achieving mutual feelings, she died a virgin at the age of 85 in an insane asylum: her last words of love were addressed to Pinson.
Anthropologist S. Clemin "Love vs pseudo-love, or about love addiction"

And you can even tell exactly why this is happening:

"... sexual love during the last 8 centuries has become an obligatory axis around which all poetry revolves."
F. Engels

History of the culture of love feelings. E. Pushkarev

His contemporary philosopher M.O. Menshikov "Literature played a huge role in the cult of love" : "Acting for centuries on the unstable brains of average people, a love story corrupts the sexual feeling more than any other influence."

After Engels, this poetic rotation only accelerated: , describes romantic love as a psychological complex, a combination of beliefs, ideals, attitudes and expectations: this love - not to love someone, but to be in love "- ( falling in love has nothing to do with love ) ;

“Love has already been turned into a religion. Human love is so clouded by the excessive suffering and experiences of romanticism that we are deprived of the opportunity to treat it the way it deserves".

Our culture, far from perfect, continues to promote the "tyranny of love and sex" (Y. Evola) even on the state TV channel in the program "More than Love", not to mention commercial television, which is based on the exploitation of this pathology. But the most annoying thing is that the planting of amorous deviations takes place at school.

Psychiatric confusion with love in school literature. E. Pushkarev

In terms of sexual individual love, we can only envy the ancient Greeks because they had a confusion of love with a painful pseudo-love disorder was impossible, since it was designated by the term " mania ". And for other amorous - erotic attractions, including love - filia , there were still enough terms, except seven famous: agape, storge, pragma, mania , ludus , eros , philia there were others: eunoia (giving), potos (lust), haris (gratitude and respect). And if we take and translate the modern concept of "love" overloaded with meanings, ambivalence and antinomies into ancient Greek terms, meanings and concepts, we will get rid of confusion and confusion with this phenomenon. Let's simplify and improve the quality of our life.

And then:

"It turns out that America is the only country in the world where love is a national issue. It seems that a huge number of Americans of both sexes are in a state of confusion about love" Raul de Roussy de Seims.

Not the only respected Raul de Roussy de Seims, because according to the 2012 UN demographic yearbook, Russia ranks first in the number of divorces, and America only sixth. It is a pity, of course, that the officials responsible for our culture do not care about this.

E Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet Club "ENLIGHTED LOVE"

This is a page from the section The Psychology of Love

Articles related to the same topic:

Guide to the site and the main milestones in the knowledge of love. E. Pushkarev

Classifications of love relationships. E. Pushkarev.

Various feelings of love and being in love. E. Pushkarev.

If to eliminate the confusion of love with pseudo-loves. E. Pushkarev

The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.

What is love. E. Pushkarev

Briefly about love. E. Pushkarev

Falling in love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: compatibility, love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev

Psychology of love. E. Pushkarev

Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.

Psychological health is a prerequisite for love. E. Pushkarev

Sigmund Freud about love.

In our library there are more than 2000 books and videos on the topic "Love, family, sex and about ..." books on the topic of this article:

Scott Dowling "Psychology and Treatment of Addictive Behavior"

Valentina Moskalenko “When there is too much love. Prevention of love addiction "

Boris Didenko "Predatory Love"

Susan Israelson, Elizabeth McAvoy "Marilyn Monroe Syndrome"

Roman M. Koidl "Scoundrels: why women choose the wrong men"

Philip van Manching, Bernie Katz "Parents are to blame for everything, or why your love relationship is not working out"

Robin Norwood "Should You Be a Slave to Love?"

Robin Norwood "Women Who Love Too Much"

Stanton Peel, Archie Brodsky. "Love and Addiction"

Gennady Starshenbaum "Addictology: Psychology and Psychotherapy of Addictions"

Stephen Hassen "Freeing From Psychological Abuse"

Irwin Yalom "Treatment for Love and Other Psychotherapeutic Novels"

and others.

Эрих Фромм

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Из книги вы узнаете: любовь между мужчиной и женщиной исключительно положительное чувство. А очень похожая влюбленность с любовью никак не связана. А недоброкачественная влюбленность - мания, она же "наркоманическая любовь", "сверхизбирательная любовь" "folle amore" (безумная любовь (ит.) не только никакого отношения к любви не имеет, а и совсем болезненное расстройство.

А научиться их различать не так уж и сложно.

У человека нет врожденного дара, отличать любовь от влюбленностей, других

псевдолюбовных состояний это можно сделать только овладев знаниями.

Жизнь удалась

Примеры настоящей любви

Пара влюбленных

Драматичные влюбленности известных людей, которые не сделали их счастливыми