The concept of "love". E. Pushkarev

Google Translate Automated Translation - Original Text

There is a huge number of concepts of love: for the homeland, fried potatoes, parents, as the pinnacle of moral attitude towards humans, animals, music, and so on. Therefore, love is a class of mental phenomena that have both some similarities and significant differences. And the point is not even that one of them is lower than the other is higher, but that these are phenomena that are different in their structure. Here we will talk about the most popular and demanded intersexual individual love, which also exists as an attribute of a natural phenomenon - natural love , and as an artifact (Latin artefactum from arte - artificially + factus - made) - concept, cultural norm, script - cultural love .

In most cases natural love as a phenomenon does not coincide with cultural norms, and in cases where for love is taken love addiction this is already its complete opposite. Love addictions according to the International Classifier of Diseases (ICD-10) are included in section F63. "Habit and impulse disorders" is a classification of non-chemical forms of addictive behavior.

To begin with, let's all the same consider a few facts about natural love as a phenomenon, it appeared long before Homo sapiens ... From the book of the Nobel Prize laureate "Year of the gray goose" Konrad Lorenz : "Love and sex exist separately in the life of the gray goose. When combined, they reliably bind a pair, but quite often they are observed independently of each other. Under normal circumstances, the gander leads active courtship".

In higher animals and primates, love behavior is already more complex forms. American psychologist Harry Harlow revealed that monkeys (rhesus monkeys) love, that is, individual, selective, emotional attachment is not a single, unchanging state, but includes at least five autonomous "affective systems":
- maternal love;
- children's love for the mother;
- love of peers, children and adolescents to each other;
- heterosexual love;
- fatherly love for children.

None of these systems is reducible to the other and does not follow from it; at the same time, the genetically earlier system prepares more complex forms of relationships.

History of the culture of love before Homo sapiens. E. Pushkarev.

Man began to think about the concept of "love", its comprehension about five thousand years ago. In the Sumerian-Akkadian culture, love begins to stand out as a special force of life. At the same time, the archaic combination of love and war is still preserved: the goddess Ishtar is the goddess of love and war, strife at the same time. Love is associated with the civic needs of a person: the fertility of the family and country depends on the act of reproduction. Enmity and friendship, the highest kind of affection and dislike - these extremes still converge in the goddess Ishtar. The later gods - from Greek and Indian mythology - no longer have such a mixture.

Love and sex, according to modern concepts, are inseparable, the expression "making love" does not cause double-valued understanding in anyone, but it was not always so. Love and sexual relations are not intended by nature. Ideologues of human culture and morality, with the aim of streamlining sexual norms, "fastened" them to love quite recently.

Professor Doctor of History Yu.I. Semenov "The origin of marriage and family": "Many pre-class societies did not in the slightest degree condemn either premarital or extramarital affairs, unless they were a violation of marriage and group regulation ..." (The beginning of the transition from the primitive communal system - the last pre-class society to slave society 4th - 3rd millennium BC)

But such a complex psycho-energy state as falling in love focused on copulation with the aim of procreation and species is already an idea of nature. Dr. Peck says: “Among all the misconceptions about love, the most effective and widespread is the idea that falling in love is also love, or at least one of its manifestations. This delusion is effective because falling in love is subjectively experienced as vividly as love. When a person is in love, his feeling, of course, is expressed by the words "I love her (him)."

Love is not a feeling. Morgan Scott Peck

If you eliminate the confusion of love with pseudo-loves. E. Pushkarev

This is a malicious word "love". E. Pushkarev

Falling in love is one of the forms of pseudo-love. E. Fromm

Falling in love these are genetically predetermined cyclical, specific states of ensuring the survival of the species (duration by H. Fischer up to 30 months, average half a year). There is no falling in love without sexual desires, and it has nothing to do with love.

Various feelings of love and being in love. E. Pushkarev.

Ancient Greek culture has made a significant contribution to understanding inter-sex individual love. Outstanding philosophers Socrates, Plato, Aristotle made a number of tips for understanding it.

Twenty-four centuries ago, Plato created the first philosophy of love in human culture. He outlined it in his work "The Feast" in it he expounds a myth in which Aristophanes tells Socrates about androgynes, these are people who consisted of two halves.

And in our time this idea is popular, it marked a new stage in the comprehension of love, and later became the source for many theories of love. "Androgynous integrity of personality" is not just a union of a man and a woman anyhow, it is precisely the combination of two halves as a result of the best psychotypical compatibility, the result of which was: love is "a thirst for integrity and striving for it."

Syzygy is a key phenomenon in androgyny.
To designate the highest form of sexual love, the philosopher V.S. Soloviev uses the concept of syzygy, which in translation from the Greek language means "combination" to denote such a conjugation between a man and a woman, which is the basis of an ideal marriage. Because it is only in it that "the flaws of human nature are healed and compensated."

V.S. Soloviev in his works emphasized the key importance of compatibility in love. In his work The Meaning of Love, formulating the task of love, he says that it consists in “justifying in practice the meaning of love, which is initially given only in feeling; such a combination of these two limited beings is required, which would create one absolute ideal personality out of them".

Already in the very first theory of love, the idea arose about the special power of love, about its role as a corrector of human nature, and thus a person overcomes his innate imperfection. Moreover, a person becomes not just himself, but himself the best, the strongest, the smartest. Plato writes about androgynes: "Terrible in their strength and power, they nourished great designs and even encroached on the power of the gods ...". This is a manifestation of the synergistic effect of love. This is what the gods were afraid of and cut the androgynes in half.

Before Plato, it was believed that love does not depend on a person, it arises when Eros hits a person with his golden arrow. Plato explains that you yourself can find love. For the first time in the history of mankind, he attributes a rational principle to love, against the existing understanding - passion. He clarifies that passion (pathos in Greek) is an aspect that only distracts from the essence of love.

Plato was the first who began to switch the everyday understanding of love from the body to the personality.

The true goal and meaning of love in the understanding of Aristotle was precisely in friendship, and not in sensual attraction - eros. In Nicomachean Ethics, he wrote:
"Love, therefore, comes more from friendship than from sensual attraction. But if most of all from friendship, then friendship is the goal of love. Consequently, sensual attraction is either not a goal at all, or it is for the sake of friendship."

Among the ancient Greeks, philia was considered the most important human feeling. In the hierarchy of their moral values, love took a place subordinated to friendship, with which the good of both two and the whole society was tied.

We can also envy the ancient Greeks because their language turned out to be wiser and more diverse in comparison with modern languages, because they had at least twelve terms denoting different states that were formed under the influence of a variety of unrelated sex drives:
philia - love-affection, love-sympathy, love-friendship, assuming free individual choice;
storge - generic indissoluble bond, love-affection;
agape - sacrificial, selfless love for one's neighbor, benevolence, mercy;
pragma - “practical” love balanced by a meaningful choice;
eros - sensual love;
mania - love-obsession, love-addiction;
ludus - love game, and win as much as possible, spending as little energy as possible;
eunoia love - giving;
potos - lust;
aphrodisia - "affairs of Aphrodite";
akolasia - pleasures of the body, were the terms denoting pleasures delivered through sight, hearing and smell;
haris - love - gratitude and respect;
latreya - "reverent worship", "cult service", love-reverence.

This means that they could not have had such a long, more than two thousand years confusion in the classification of mental relations between men and women occurring in the new era. Because in Russian all these states, independent of one another, are written with a hyphen after the word "love". That is, Russian culturologists, as well as Western all these states, caused most often by inter-sex drives, precisely differentiated by ancient Greek terms, united by a single circulatory system and called them "types of love", which irresistibly confused its understanding.

In the Middle Ages, the concept of Fin ”amor was born - refined love. In modern times, she was given a different name courtly or, translated into Russian, court love. According to the laws of courtly love, the knight agreed to obey his lady in everything that relates to love, affection, manners and taste. In this area, she was his mistress, his queen. At the same time, the same knight could beat his wife and rape commoners.

Courtly love. O. Smolitskaya

"Romantic love": aspects, analysis and consequences. E. Pushkarev

All this time poets, writers and philosophers have been tirelessly working on the concept of love. As a result, by the end of the 19th century, a cult of love was already being created - Literature played a huge role in the cult of love. M.O. Menshikov :

"Acting for centuries on the unstable brains of average people, a love story corrupts the sexual feeling more than any other influence":

"We are all now reveling in love stories, but, I repeat, there will be a time when the purest story of the feelings of a lover, even as graceful as Werther, will seem as out of place as a story about digestion and its upset. Romance novels will be described in clinical journals, as diseases are now described, because sexual love is a typical "growing pain", where, instead of acute physical pain in paroxysms, there is acute pleasure. enough material for an interesting dissertation".

Superstitions and the truth of love. M.O. Menshikov

The prediction of the wise philosopher came true and now with the help of tests it is possible to determine not only the fact of love addiction, but even signs of predisposition to it, long before it occurs.

Criteria for distinguishing between love and addiction. S. Peel, A. Brodsky

Test for detecting love addiction according to Egorov.
Screening test for sexual addiction according to Carnes.

Individual psychological determinants of love addiction in girls. S. Skvortsova

Courtly, romantic and other forms of love arise, develop, their rise or fall depends on the number of idle opportunities of certain strata of society and information carriers (oral folklore, books, theatrical performances, the media), which are called fill an idle life with intellectual and emotional content.

For the working people up to the twentieth century, the special significance of love relationships is the privilege and whim of the masters. Marriage, a big family for ordinary people is a way of survival, in incredibly difficult conditions, and such an incomprehensible and even mystical phenomenon like love did not contribute to this in any way.

And only in the second half of the twentieth century, love relationships and self-determination in them became available to all strata of society, and by the end of the century:

"Love has already been turned into a religion. Human love is so overshadowed by the excessive suffering and experiences of romanticism that we are deprived of the opportunity to treat it the way it deserves." Robert Alex Johnson; Doctor of Psychology.

We: the deepest aspects of romantic love. Robert A. Johnson

One of the basic needs of a modern person is to learn to distinguish between earthly love, which is the basis of any relationship, and romantic love ... Robert A. Johnson

One of the greatest paradoxes of romantic love is that it has nothing to do with earthly relationships. Robert A. Johnson

Romantic love, following its paradoxical nature, constantly fools us. Robert A. Johnson

About the destructive influence of the "consumer society" on sexual love. E. Fromm

Consumer society and its antilove essence. E. Pushkarev

It turned out that love culture and the essence of love are too different phenomena, and from this there are huge contradictions in the concept of "love".

"Love that moves the sun and the lights"
Dante;

"Love is a miracle of civilization"
Stendhal;

"Love is the apotheosis of life."
A. I. Herzen

"Love, love, there is no point in the rest."
J. La Fontaine;

"The highest value on this Earth is Love."
A. A. Block;

"Love is the seal of the image of God in man"
M.A. Bulgakov;

"... Love is generally a precious blessing, happiness and consolation of human life - moreover, its only true basis ..."
S. L. Frank;

"Love is a monarch among the senses"
Yu.B. Rurikov;

“Love is the ultimate goal of world evolution, the truth of the universe. Love is the highest reality, the eternal basis of everything ...".
Novalis;

"Love is the most important word in the language: love plays a major role in life ..."
Geri Chapman ( Five languages of love. G. Chapman )

"After all, what is, most importantly, nasty," wrote Leo Tolstoy at the end of his life. - In theory, it is assumed that love is something ideal, sublime, but in practice love is something vile, swine, about which it is shameful to speak and remember ... And people pretend that the vile and shameful is beautiful and sublime ... Spiritual affinity! Unity of ideals! But in that case, there is no need to sleep together".

"... there is nothing more detrimental to our peace of mind, our voice, our beauty, our condition, our success, than love ...".
J. Sand

"Love is so distorted, profane and vulgarized in fallen human life that it has become almost impossible to pronounce the words of love, new words must be found."
N. Berdyaev;

"He gave you up to longing and suffocation
Poisoners of Love "
A. Akhmatova;

"Love is a monster,
that devours even his own children".
E. Yevtushenko

“Now I know something about what is called love. This oppressive, rude and stupid feeling, perhaps brightening up the stupid life of the average man, but completely unnecessary, unnecessary and interfering in the life of a creative person".
Yu. Nagibin;

"Our rules of love are so imperfect that many should not, and even more cannot love ...".
P. Mantegazza.

A large list of statements about love when one wise person contradicts another or himself. Whom to believe?

According to polls, more than 70% of marriages are created for love, and then:

"Now half of young families break up in the first year of life, two thirds - in the first five years, in 70% of families that have not yet broken up, the spouses are in tense relations ..." Doctor of Philosophy V.M. Rozin

“According to official statistics, we have 70 divorces per 100 marriages. And I say that 100% of marriages are divorces. We don't have families as such. It's just that people live in isolation in one territory, isolated from each other.
We have such families that only the outer shell keeps people together. I researched families where the marriage lasted 10-15 years, and asked a question of this type: "You would now marry your husband, but only everything will happen again as it was." And vice versa. As a result, only 5% of men did not regret having married this woman. And 9% of women. But, let's say, I agree to marry her, and my wife would not marry me now, if on a new one. So out of 11,400 families, there are five of them, where there is a mutual choice "
Corresponding member of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences, MD, psychotherapist M.Ye. Litvak

The reasoning of L.N. Tolstoy about the atmosphere in families:
“And we were two convicts who hated each other, tied by one chain, poisoning each other's lives and trying not to see it. I did not know then that 0.99 (99%) of marriages live in the same hell as I lived, and that it could not be otherwise. Then I did not know this either about others or about myself ”- the reasoning of the protagonist Pozdnyshev. In the afterword to "The Kreutzer Sonata" L.N. Tolstoy openly identified with him.

If in the 19th century the philosopher M.O. Menshikov writes about the "cult of love ...", ".. love affair corrupts sexual feelings", by the middle of the twentieth century traditionalist philosopher Y. Evola writes about "The tyranny of love and sex ...", by the end of the twentieth century, doctor of psychology R.A. that "romantic love" is already being turned into a religion ...". And the result is a modern amorous - erotic chimera, which Dr. E. Giddens called "confluent love".

Intimacy transformation. Sexuality, love and eroticism in modern societies. A.Giddens

The ideal of romantic love in the "post-romantic era" R. G. Apresyan

Book review: E. Giddens. Transformation of Intimacy. Sexuality, love and eroticism in modern societies. E. Vovk

For women, the concept of "love" means care, tenderness, understanding, respect, devotion and recognition.

Male participants highlighted: trust, approval, eroticism, encouragement, appreciation, acceptance.

But what is included in the "concept of love" of Russian youth, love is when:
- the mind is smoking and flatly refuses to work. And the more you dumb, the better, which means that this is "real" love;
- I go everywhere with my phone, go to bed with it, so as not to miss your call;
- I write your name on the glass, and next to it I draw a heart;
- I think about you 61 seconds per minute;
- I drink from your glass, even though I have mine;
- I compose poetry about you;
- I recognize you from a thousand, etc.

Let's consider one more example, which leads to confusion of the concept with the phenomenon. There is a fairly popular book Women who love too much. R. Norwood , which we have published several times and under different names, it is deceptive in name and useful in content. The name itself contains a contradiction that distorts its meaningful content. This book is about painful addiction.

We read the reviews about this book: "... here is another confirmation that love is a disease ... which means ...", "... well, they explained to me that I love too much, otherwise I already began to consider myself cheated ...". As a result: Anna Maiskaya writes in a documentary story: “There is no real love - my best friend Natasha has been convincing me of this for many years now. And my own life convinces me even more of this. Yes, love sometimes happens between people - that's just genuine and mutual very rarely".

R. Norwood writes all right about painful addiction and its similarities with alcoholism, and the same method of curing them. But further confuses those suffering from this addiction by using the term "love" to refer to it. But from the definition of E. Fromm, we learned that love is "... a fruitful form of relationship to others and to oneself ...".

All this confusion with love continued until the end of the twentieth century, when finally scientists, using complex devices: functional magnetic resonance imaging machines that allow scanning the brain, complex biochemical studies that allow you to determine a variety of psychoactive substances, solved the riddles of "love - phenomena."

1. love;

                Natural love. E. Pushkarev

                The essence of love. E. Pushkarev

                What is love. E. Pushkarev

                Is love an emotion, a feeling or what? E. Pushkarev

                Love test: “scale of love and sympathy” by Z. Rubin. E. Pushkarev

                How love is considered in socionics. E. Pushkarev

                True love, it is also compatible love. E. Pushkarev.

                Friendship + Love = Filia. E. Pushkarev.

                Culture of longevity of love. A culture of separation grief. E. Pushkarev.

2. Natural falling in love;

                Falling in love. E. Pushkarev

                I fell in love ... Memo to a man in love. E. Pushkarev

                Various feelings of love and being in love. E. Pushkarev.

3. Poor quality falling in love ;

                Poor quality falling in love - mania. E. Pushkarev.

                Poor quality falling in love - ludus. E. Pushkarev.

                Poor quality falling in love - eros. E. Pushkarev

A large collection of articles and books about love addiction, which our culture often calls "addictive love" "overselective love" , "Neurotic love", "too much love", "more than love", "compulsive love", "toxic love", etc. and people suffering from these disorders.

4. Lust (lat. Libido) - sensual sexual attraction, "languor of the flesh", acolasia (other gr.) - body pleasures, "fals amore", "genital potency”, libido (according to Freud) the need for sexual satisfaction in discharge is a purely biological, cyclical process.

                All articles, books and videos about sex, orgasms (M and F) and their significance.

In support of H. Fischer's statement, the following example can be cited. Our Club receives a lot of letters from decent wives: "Married, have children ... fell in love with a young man ... don't know what to do?" . Vivid emotional experiences are perceived as a thunderclap from the clear family sky. That it is "from the evil one" or "Love is a gift of God and it must be perceived as such. It's like a thunderer god - throws lightning bolts". L. Zhukhovitsky.

A. Maurois said in this regard: "Love is an ailment, the symptoms of which are manifested differently each time." Due to the fact that poets, writers and philosophers, who are characterized by excessive fantasy, subjectivism, craving for figurative beauty and weakness in logic, were engaged in the study of amorous - erotic drives, they were considered either as different versions of love, or as its different stages. Because of this, there are a large number of very different classifications of love.

Having learned that four independent mental phenomena, due to a big misunderstanding, were combined into one concept, we can clarify another characteristic of the term "concept": love, falling in love, passion, lust are different species concepts and as such they are included in the generic concept of attraction ...

And the generic concept of love includes: a fruitful relationship to another and to oneself, care, responsibility, respect, knowledge, psycho-stimulation, harmonization, affection, intimacy (trust). Let us especially clarify that love, passion, lust and other pseudo-loving emotions and feelings, as specific concepts to the generic concept of love are not relevant.

More details: What is love. E. Pushkarev

And it turns out that in our culture "love is a phenomenon" and "love is a concept" is as they say in Odessa: "Two big differences or four small ones."

In addition, the times of W. Shakespeare: "Poor love, if it can be measured" has passed. Nowadays love can be measured in several ways: biochemical, with using MRI, or using test Z. Rubin. It can be detected at any stage and measured poor quality Poor quality falling in love - mania, which he so brilliantly, colorfully described ("Romeo and Juliet", "Othello", etc.).

Therefore, the responsibility for how a person will treat his love as an anarchic, pagan concept imposed by pop culture or as modern knowledge that science offers lies with each person.

E Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet Club "ENLIGHTED LOVE"

Guide to the site and the main milestones in the knowledge of love. E. Pushkarev

Classifications of love relationships. E. Pushkarev.

Various feelings of love and being in love. E. Pushkarev.

If to eliminate the confusion of love with pseudo-loves. E. Pushkarev

The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.

What is love. E. Pushkarev

Briefly about love. E. Pushkarev

Falling in love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: compatibility, love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev

Psychology of love. E. Pushkarev

Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.

The concept of love in the Russian language consciousness. S.Vorkachev

Demystifying love. A. Orlov

Psychological health is a prerequisite for love. E. Pushkarev

Sigmund Freud about love.

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