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Poor quality falling in love. E. Pushkarev

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Poor quality falling in love - a mania. E. Pushkarev.
Poor quality falling in love - ludus. E. Pushkarev.
Poor quality falling in love - eros. E. Pushkarev

My stupid head, legless, armless ...
And when love passes, my head finds me.
Here are the hands, here are the legs, hello, head.
People's Artist of Russia A. Pugacheva

Love is when both love mutually. When one loves, it is a disease.
R. Bradbury

Poor Love Except natural falling in love , which was discussed above there are also Poor quality falling in love.

Poor quality falling in love - a large group of inter-sex drives from fake falling in love to psychological and even mental disorders, develop as a result of unresolved personal problems within, low level of psychological health , unfavorable ecology of culture of love it was under its destructive influence that "cultural love" was formed.
According to E. Fromm: "unproductive or irrational love", "love-worship", "fake love "," sentimental love "," neurotic love "," immature form of love "or" symbiotic union ".
After E. Fromm, the terminology of these experiences and disorders has expanded significantly: "overselective love", "idolatrous love", "obsessive love", "love syndrome", "addictive love", "toxic love", "compulsive love", "Too much love", "more than love", "predatory love" , etc.

Poor quality falling in love can manifest itself:

- in a socially acceptable form - fake love , when it is possible to use a powerful program of natural falling in love not for the evolutionary purpose of reproduction of offspring, this is a "love scam" or libertinage, an affair, a romance, etc., their origins are sexual hunger - libido, lack of emotional stimuli, intolerance to loneliness or alienation as E. Fromm called it, when they want to escape from the depressing everyday life, when they are experiencing an internal crisis. In some cases, people with the help of falling in love are saved from depression, etc.

Yes, loneliness and sexual desires make falling in love easy, and there is nothing mysterious about it, but this is a success that leaves as quickly as it came.
E. Fromm

She had known him for a long time, but she fell in love with him only from the moment she realized that he had plans for her. And it seems to her that she is really in love with him. The painful desire for marriage and the joy of achievement can in one minute arouse quality falling in love in a heart that has been irritated for so long by secret and obvious dreams of marriage.
V. Belinsky

A similar form of falling in love so actively advertised in our time (pickup, "I want to be a bitch ...") was described by M.Yu. Lermontov in the novel "A Hero of Our Time" ("Princess Mary"). The protagonist of the novel Pechorin, for the sake of boredom and wounded self-esteem, after making a lot of effort, falls in love with yourself Princess Mary. But, when the girl's heart was in the power of the deceiver, he leaves her, dooming to torment and suffering.

Chronic version of the predisposition to fake love:
"Stendhal is one of those who love to love." In his book The Intimate Life of Stendhal, Abel Bonnard writes: “From women he only demands confirmation of their illusions. He falls in love so as not to feel lonely; however, in truth, three-quarters of his love relationship is the fruit of his own imagination".
More details Poor quality falling in love - ludus. E. Pushkarev.

Humanity has invented not only various forms of chemical, exogenous psychostimulation, tobacco, alcohol, drugs, but also non-chemical, enodogenic, one of which is fake falling in love.

- as love addictions according to the International Classifier of Diseases (ICD-10) included in section F63. "Disorders of habits and impulses" - a classification of non-chemical forms of addictive behavior;

Addiction - uncontrollable attraction, gambling behavior, dependence on any substance, object or certain type of activity, occupation. A painful condition that can be cured if the addict himself is ready.

E. Fromm, already as a psychoanalyst, identified and systematized the causes of these disorders: “Various individual forms of love pathology, leading to suffering and neuroses. These include:
1) neurotic love - in which partners are centered on the parents and transfer to the partner the feelings of expectation and fears experienced in relation to the parents;
2) love-worship - in which a person loses himself in his beloved instead of finding himself in him, revealing the poverty of the spirit and despair of the worshiper;
3) sentimental love - in which a feeling is experienced only in the imagination, and not in real relationships; the most common type is “substitutionary” love satisfaction of consumers of songs, films, novels and other things; the other is a temporary aberration, when partners live on memories of past feelings and fantasies of future love;
4) love, centered on the partner's shortcomings and weaknesses, which are constantly exposed and denounced;
5) love, projecting meaning and problems onto children, using children for compensatory purposes".

Psychological traumas of childhood, such as lack of attention, lack of love given by the parents to the child, as well as other problems of the young child in the family, are the main causes and roots of future psychological problems.
Candidate of Psychological Sciences L.I. Uvarova

A large collection of articles and books about love addiction, which our culture often calls "drug addiction" Overselective love, neurotic love, too much love, more than love, compulsive love, toxic love, etc. and people suffering from these disorders.

When researching 6 types of love from D.A. Lee's classification it turned out that these are fundamentally different feelings, similar only in appearance , on the development of the plot and persons. If agape, storge and pragma, in the presence of other key signs, is love, then the other types of mania, ludus and eros are love-like feelings; poor quality of love, in the most aggravated forms - mental illness, which can be eliminated only with the help of specialists.

Lovers of the type of mania, ludus and eros were sick more often than others, their lives often ended prematurely, even violently. Such people have a reduced, somewhat painful self-esteem, they are often ruled by a feeling of inferiority, hidden or conscious. They are highly anxious, vulnerable, and from this they have psychological breakdowns and sexual difficulties. Their self-doubt can be militant, and morbid self-centrism can rule them. Neurasthenicity gives rise to broken love in them - hatred, painful attraction - repulsion - a fever of incompatible feelings. Mania, ludus and eros can develop to people much older, much younger, unattainable, etc.
Those who love agape, storge and pragma, on the contrary, were sick less often than usual, their life was longer, happier, more harmonious, there were healthy offspring. They were brought up from birth in favorable conditions, most often when they had a loving father and mother.
But those experiencing a feeling of mania, ludus, eros during upbringing, did not receive enough mental attention, warmth, care, bodily contact, experienced excessively strict or, on the contrary, indifferent, other types of complicated, deviating upbringing. To characterize such people, even a special term was chosen - disliked.
Dislike in childhood is a postponed, usually painful need for life, and therefore waiting for its satisfaction. Having received less than the necessary norm of love and unconditional acceptance in childhood, this unquenched thirst will be one of the motives when looking for an intimate partner. Such a person will strive to do everything possible in the relationship in the hope that the partner will return him a hundredfold both love and acceptance in order to quench his thirst for dislike. At the same time, passionate attraction and he himself and our entire culture are defined as great (pure) love. Psychotherapist Robin Norwood uses this term Women who love too much.

From this it was concluded that the mental states of intersexual individual attraction, in which the leading feelings are affection, care, intimacy (trust), which are present in agape, storga and pragma are specific, innate,

Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.

second: mania, ludus, eros - a consequence of careless, complicated, traumatic upbringing. Tests of the technique were developed to get rid of poor-quality, painful falling in love.

How to get rid of "love"? E. Pushkarev

Z. Freud said that a neurotic is sick with memories, trauma, pain, fear that have been experienced, especially in early childhood, are waiting for their time to be resolved.

A person is like a slave to his early childhood, he resolves and gets rid of the conflicts that were created in the first months of his life all his life. It turns out that a person's behavior is determined more by his own internal characteristics than by the external situation.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
M. Ericson

Below and in the following chapters, all low-quality love will be described in detail, and here I will give a list of their distinguishing features from a healthy relationship.
"Love and dependence" S. Peel, A. Brodsky :
1. Does each of the lovers have a strong confidence in their own values?
2. Does the bond between lovers have a beneficial effect on them? Do they also become better, stronger in relationships with other people, more attractive, more perfect or more sensitive? Do they value this connection exactly because of this reason?
3. Do lovers maintain any important close relationship with other people?
4. Do the relationship between lovers fit into their life as a whole, or do they separated from her?
5. Are lovers able to overcome possessive instincts or jealousy? to your partner's success?
6. Does love bind lovers not only love , but also friendship? Will they stay close people, if sexual relations lose their sharpness?

Poor love can last for decades, distorting and breaking it for the rest of your life.

Guy de Maupassant's story "The Weaver of the Chairs"
About how, as a girl, when she saw the crying boy Shuke, she fell in love. After which she collected, saved up money, gave it to the son of the pharmacist Shuka, for which he allowed himself to be kissed. When Suke got married, she attempted suicide but was rescued. She kept this feeling at a high level all her life, she confessed that for me there was only one man - Shuke. Before her death, she bequeathed him 2,300 francs, all that she had earned in her life.

Petrarch Laura, photo

An incident from life. When Petrarch saw Laura in one of the Avignon churches, he was twenty-three, she was twenty.
Fascinated by her, Petrarch writes:
Blessed is the day, month, summer, hour
And the moment when my gaze met those eyes!
Blessed is that land, and that one is bright,
Where I became a prisoner of beautiful eyes!
She was already a married woman, he was a young scientist and poet, not constrained by family and obligations.
He lived on the sidelines of her life, not daring to even hope, sometimes seeing her, from afar on the streets or in the church. Years passed, Laura grew old, her hair turned gray, wrinkle cracks scattered across her face, a heavy gait, her figure lost its slenderness after many births.
At the very beginning of falling in love with her, when Laura was young, he saw her in his imagination - aged, with a "faded face", and felt tenderness and pain - they were not only in the old love knightly lyrics, but and in their own, former sonnets. There were sleepless nights before, but the tenderness and pain from the thought that your beloved would grow old, fade, appeared in the world with Petrarch.
16 years after he saw her for the first time. Petrarch consoles himself with the fact that he is "more burdened with cares and older years" and therefore is aging faster than she, even "exhausted by illness and frequent childbirth."
Petrarch considered himself amorous from his youth. He often cohabited with commoners, he had several illegally born children. Petrarch had affairs with noble ladies. He was the lover of Queen John of Naples. Some of his contemporaries considered him a Don Juan.

Be patient, soul, eating poison in silence,
There is no need to be afraid of sweet bitterness,
You love - as the highest award,
Beloved of all a hundredfold mile.

Laura died of the plague, she was a little over forty, by this time she had 11 children, she was already flabby and old. On the forty-second anniversary of their first meeting, twenty-one years after her death, Petrarch, already an old man (65), going through the archive, found a sonnet that he had not liked before, and wrote new lines: “In the year one thousand three hundred and twenty-seventh, in In April, at the first hour of the sixth day, I entered a labyrinth where there is no way out".

Five years later, he died while sitting at work, with a pen in his hand. Shortly before that he wrote: "I don't think about anything but her." He dedicated more than 300 sonnets to Laura.

If love is not this heat, what ailment
Am I shivering? If he is love, then what
Love ? Good? .. But these torments, God! ..
So an evil fire? .. And the sweetness of these torments! ..

About this story Byron sarcastically:
Any passion strangles and oppresses
Family relations procedure:
Nobody sings beautifully in poetry
Marital happiness: be Laura
Married to Petrarch - God knows,
He could not write sonnets!

A case from life. The couple in love decided to get married. When the guy went to woo, the girl's father refused because the guy was of a low class. After which he went to serve in the army, showed himself as a brave quick-witted fighter, rose to the rank of officer. He got married, was happily married, had two sons and also became officers. He became a widow, and 30 years later he met the object of his youthful love, which had recently become a widow. They got married, but were not happy for long. Life together did not work out, he was harsh, she turned out to be grumpy. I got drunk.

A young woman is regularly visited by her boyfriend (boyfriend) for two years, with whom she has a satisfactory sex life. At the end of one of the visits, a friend, being in a complacent and joyful mood, said: "I love you very much." To his surprise, he received a harsh, inadequate response to his sincere phrase. She flushed, got angry and categorically declared: "Never say that again. There is no love in the world ..."

A few more examples of poor quality falling in love.

I.S.Turgenev P. Viardot, photo I.S.Turgenev P. Viardot, photo

An incident from life. Ivan Sergeevich Turgenev first saw Pauline Viardot at a concert in St. Petersburg in 1843, and this meeting determined his life, he was then 25 years old.
About that time. And Panaeva wrote: "I think it was difficult to find another such a noisy lover like Turgenev. He loudly everywhere and everyone announced his love for Viardot, and in his circle of friends he did not speak of anyone else as Viardot, with whom he met.
... I remember once in the evening Turgenev came to us in some kind of ecstasy, saying: "Gentlemen, I am so happy today: there can be no other person in the world happier than me!" Turgenev had a headache, and Viardot rubbed his temples with cologne, and this led the lover into ecstasy. Turgenev's confessions interfered with the game of preference, and one of the players - it was Belinsky - said loudly: "Well, is it possible to believe in such a resounding love as yours?"
Recalling at the end of her life the first day of her acquaintance with Turgenev, Viardot said: "They introduced him to me with the words: this is a young Russian landowner, a glorious hunter and a bad poet."
The tour is over, Viardot has gone home to Paris. Turgenev followed her. The years 1847 - 1850 became a "happy three-year" for the writer: he constantly communicated with his beloved woman, was friends with her husband (they had a lot in common, they hunted together, did translations), studied Spanish and wrote (then "Notes of a Hunter" were created. ).
From a letter to Pauline Viardot, September 9, 1850: "I must tell you that you are an angel of kindness, and your letters have made me the happiest of people. If you knew what a friendly hand that caresses you means from afar to touch you very gently: "
In 1861 Pauline Viardot achieved everything a woman could desire: career, home, family, children, reliable friend - Turgenev:
From time to time he thought: "No, it’s for sure: you cannot live that way. Sitting completely on the edge of someone else’s nest. You don’t have your own — well, you don’t need any."
But "no" - so he could not.

Any love, happy, just like unhappy, is a real disaster when you surrender yourself entirely to it ... You will learn what it means to be enslaved - and how shameful and painful this slavery is ... and what trifles are bought at such a high price ...

In the late autumn of 1860, there was some serious explanation between Turgenev and Louis Viardot (he is known indirectly from letters)
"The other day - my heart died: you understand what I want to say. The past was separated from me completely, but after parting with it, I saw that I had nothing left, that my whole life was separated together with him ... ".
But life went on. Turgenev and the Viardot family (she had three daughters and a son) lived in the neighborhood, he participated in home performances, spending most of his time there with them. He became a member of the family, he had a lot of playful family nicknames; when Louis Viardot became ill, the family (Pauline Viardot and her three daughters) went to the opera, to exhibitions and to visit, accompanied by Turgenev ...
"How I would like to connect with my friend" - said Turgenev when he learned about the death of Louis Viardot.

In the past, he (I.S. Turgenev) loved her (Viardot) more than anyone in the world, and brought her all of himself, and was infinitely grateful if she appreciated him in any way. And now he had no previous feelings for her. And this is probably why he looked at her with a feeling of strange alienation, hardly believing that he had worshiped her almost all his life (40 years). She captivated him, and because of her he did not acquire either his own nest or family, and now he is dying in a foreign land. Is this the actress who once created Fidesz in The Prophet? Was it really the whole Europe that admired her? ...

Turgenev survived his friend by only four months, having had time to say goodbye to him (by the time of his death, he could no longer walk).
Polina Viardot had a purely friendly attitude towards Ivan Sergeevich, there was not a single intimate relationship.

Love is stronger than death and fear of death, only by it, only love keeps and moves life.
I.S. Turgenev

Dramatically experiencing his feelings of love, I.S. Turgenev in his works describes love as a painful, mystical phenomenon. The dying "superfluous person" from the "Diary of the superfluous person" speaks about this, the dying Alexei Petrovich from the "Correspondence" also writes about this: "Love is not even a feeling at all; she is a disease, a known state of mind and body; it does not develop gradually; you cannot doubt it, you cannot be cunning with it, although it does not always manifest itself in the same way; usually she takes possession of a person without asking, suddenly, against his will - neither give nor take cholera or fever ... She will pick him up, my dear, like a chicken kite, and carry him anywhere, no matter how he fights or resists ...".
Love , of course, does not always collapse suddenly, overnight, the same disease develops in the body gradually, but it its own logic, "which we do not understand and do not recognize until it runs over us like a wheel." Therefore, love is not at all “une colique remontee au coeur” (colic rising to the heart), as he joked “ obese general "-" ... It's all a mystery: how it comes, how it develops, how it disappears. Then she suddenly, undoubted, joyful, like day; it smolders for a long time, like a fire under ash, and breaks through in a flame in the soul, when everything is already destroyed; then it will creep into the heart like a snake, then suddenly it will slip out of it ... ”.

There is no equality in love, there is no so-called free union of souls and other sentiments invented by the Germans at their leisure ... in love, one person is a slave, and the other is a master, and it is not for nothing that poets talk about chains imposed by love. Yes, love is a chain, and the hardest.


Is love a natural feeling? Is it human to love? Love is a disease, but for a disease the law is not written.
I. S. Turgenev

Knowing the biography of I.S.Turgenev and his works, we can confidently assert that he was an addict (an addict is not only one who already suffers from a painful addiction, but also a person who is only predisposed to it).

The fatal conflict between Turgenev and his father arose in the years of growing up, when he unexpectedly found out that his father was the lover of a young girl, for whom he had tender heartfelt feelings.
And he found his first sexual experience with a serf girl sent by her mother especially for this purpose.

A very similar triangle.
V. Mayakovsky and L. Brik, photo
Lily Brik met her future husband Osip Brik when she was thirteen and he was seventeen, and a few years later, when she graduated from high school, they got married - calmly, without drama and stormy confessions: "Don't you think, Lily, that there is something more between us than friendship?" "Yes, it seems." So they confessed their love to each other six years before marriage (they got married in 1912).

"Down with your love ",
"down with your art",
"down with your system",
"Down with your religion" -
four shouts of four parts ".
V. Mayakovsky

Three years were left before the meeting with Mayakovsky. The daughter of a lawyer and pianist, Lily Brik knew several languages (German was her second mother tongue), was well versed in art (she chose architecture, although she could become a good mathematician). Her house was a kind of salon, which was visited by the most elite audience: poets, artists, political actors and security officers.
But the main thing, her skill - is remembered by everyone who knew her - she was a Woman with a capital letter. She was not a beauty, but - graceful, thin, "beautiful, red-haired", with huge shining eyes, she attracted many and many.
"She knew how to be sad, feminine, capricious, proud, empty, fickle, in love, smart and whatever," wrote Viktor Shklovsky. And here is how the art critic Nikolai Lunin saw her: "Her pupils turn into eyelashes and darken with excitement; she has solemn eyes; there is impudent and sweet in her face with painted lips and dark hair: Her husband left dry self-confidence on her, Mayakovsky was hammered, but this "most charming woman" knows a lot about human love and sensual love.
Shut up, sadness, shut up!
And here's 1915. From the memoirs of Else Triolet.
"My father died in July, Lily came to the funeral. And in spite of everything, we talked about Mayakovsky. She had heard about him, but she was skeptical about my delight. After the funeral, leaving my mother with her aunt at the dacha, I went to Lily's, in Petrograd, and Mayakovsky came to visit me at Lily's, on Zhukovsky Street. Whether this was the first time or another meeting, but I persuaded Volodya to read the poems to the Briks. The Briks reacted to the poems with enthusiasm, irrevocably fell in love with them. loved Lily irrevocably".
I fell in love so "irrevocably" that I did not even return to the apartment where I lived before, leaving the woman with whom I lived and all my belongings. And it began:
My love,
As an apostle at the time of it,
I will blow the roads for a thousand thousand.
A crown is destined for you for centuries,
And in the crown are my words - A rainbow of cramps
This is "The Spine Flute", a poem dedicated to Lily Yurievna; then "Love" and "About it" appeared. She became queen. Who else was loved so madly - almost to the point of insanity, to whom else were such poems dedicated ?!
But she had to be "The Beautiful Lady of the Troubadour" - for poetry, adoration, a submissive page - but no commitment. Earthly, not heavenly, fierce passion, sparing neither him nor her. Mayakovsky was not suitable for the role of a page.
I am appointed to be king -
Your face
On the sunny gold of my coins
I tell the people ...
And there,
Where the tundra world faded,
Where the river trades with the north wind, -
I will scrawl Lilino's name on the chain
And I will heal the chain in the darkness of hard labor ...

Mayakovsky's love for Lily was just beginning when he found out that she was having a "romance" with Alexander Krasnoshchekov, Deputy People's Commissar of Finance, head of Prombank. Can Mayakovsky share his beloved with another lover? And he puts himself under house arrest, trying not to think not to remember .: But it didn't work out. When the "arrest" was over, they met with Lilya at the station to go to Petrograd for a few days. Entering the compartment, Mayakovsky read the poem "About It" to Lily and burst into tears.
Lily Brik said: "... I loved to make love with Osya. We then locked Volodya in the kitchen. He was torn, wanted to see us, scratched at the door and cried."
In the book of the Swedish researcher of the life and work of Mayakovsky - Bengt Yangfeldt - the correspondence between Mayakovsky and Lily Brik is collected.
December 1917 Mayakovsky - Brick:
"Dear, dear Lilik! Dear, dear Osik!: I will often go out of the outskirts and close the sad one with an emaciated palm, the slanting rays of the setting sun will look into the distance, if the familiar figure of the postman will appear in the clouds of dust. Do not lead me to this! Kisses Lilenka Kisses your Oska Volodya ".
April 1918 Lily Brik - Mayakovsky:
"Dear Puppy, I have not forgotten you: I have new, beautiful things. I have pasted over my room with wallpaper - black and gold: there is a red damask curtain on the door. It all sounds luxurious, and in fact it is quite beautiful. I am in a disgusting mood because of my health. For fun I bought red stockings and put them on when no one sees, it's very fun! I love to receive letters from you and I love you terribly. I don’t take off your rings and have hung your photo in a frame: "
December 1924 Mayakovsky from Paris Lily Brie to Moscow:
"I am terribly sad for you. Every day I almost roar: Your last letter is very difficult and incomprehensible for me. I did not know what to answer. You write about shame. Is this really all that connects you with him and the only thing that interferes with being with me. ” : "

Mama! Your son is perfectly ill!
He's got a heart fire
V. Mayakovsky

July 1925. Lily Brik from Moscow to Mayakovsky in Mexico City:
"... The Italians promised a visa in 6 weeks: It would be nice for us to meet in Italy. I wonder if you will get to the United States! Write in detail how you live (with whom you can not write). Do you like ?: "
Lily Brick was confident of her power over him. But several times she was unhappy.
"... in two weeks I will be in Moscow and will pretend to you that I do not know about anything. But I demand that everything that I may not like should be absolutely eliminated .: So that there is not a single phone call, etc. If all this is not done to the smallest detail , I will have to part with you, which I don't want at all, that's why I love you: "
And God forbid, it was him to devote poetry - not to her! Upon learning that Mayakovsky dedicated poetry to Tatyana Yakovleva, Lily Brik interrupted all the dishes in her house - not out of jealousy, but out of frustration. She didn’t allow Veronica Polonskaya, Mayakovsky’s last woman, to come to his funeral, "so that it would not cause gossip:
Even the manuscripts of other people's memories of Mayakovsky, Lily Yuryevna ruled at her own discretion and after death "controlling" his love affairs with other women (Polonskaya's memoirs, however, not only through the fault of Lily Brik, were published 48 years after writing) ...
When Mayakovsky was carried away by Natalya Bryukhanenko and was even going to marry, Lily simply forbade him to do so - he had a "family"! And the family is she and her husband Osip Brik. Osip Brik understood and appreciated the work of Mayakovsky, he recognized him as an outstanding poet. Osip treated Lily more as a friend than as a wife; he had many mistresses with whom he traveled to the Crimea and did not live sexually with Lily for a long time.

V. Mayakovsky: “Yes love , there is a love and there is a love. If the mind wins, then it is not strong, but the feeling is weak". We can continue: if the mind is losing this feeling, but a disorder - a painful addiction. This is a prime example of how the confusion between exceptional goodness and pathology leads to a tragic end.

In the suicide note after the suicide, one line was dedicated to Lily: "Lily love me:". 50% of the rights to Mayakovsky's legacy were assigned to Lily Brik, the remaining 50% to his mother and sisters.

Writer I.I. Garin (Literary pseudonym of professor, Doctor of Physics and Mathematics II Papirov) lists the types of love that he knows: “There is love - passion and love - mercy, the highest form of mercy. There is feigned, selfish, illusory, ephemeral, unhappy, hopeless, deceived, angelic, platonic, narcissistic, courtly, selfless, ardent, insane, sensual, instinctive, inspirational, gracious, magical, ineffable, seraphic, extremist, mystical , painful, martyr, paranoid, undivided, calculating, animal, predatory, vacation, resort, beach love ...".

Most of the list of types of love given by a respected writer are substandard ones.

Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh

Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh have been in love for almost 20 years. Lawrence has it gone, Vivienne hasn't. After a divorce from Vivien, to which Lawrence did not come, he married another actress and lived with her until the end of his life. After breaking up the relationship, Lawrence first saw Vivienne only at her funeral.

Romantic love is a delightful art form, but it is short-lived. Even its staunchest adherents eventually admit that they would like to break free from the captivity of a beautiful illusion and move on to the next, more realistic stage of the relationship.
Erich Fromm (1965)
T. Reik put forward his version of the emergence of non-hormonal type of love - poor quality love, a person has three possible reactions to the realization of their imperfections - to close their eyes to them, fall in love with the ideal, hate the ideal.

Z. Freud outlined the psychoanalytic version of the emergence of low-quality in love in his work "On a special type of" object choice "in a man."

Poor quality love happens in the animal kingdom as well. These include the story of the black swan, which took place in the vicinity of the German city of Münster.

Black swans usually find themselves "beloved" among their relatives, black and live with them in monogamy. And this black swan, madly in love with a white swan, so also the object of his adoration is a two-seater water bike. Moreover, it was love at first sight. Every day, from early morning to late evening, a black swan cuts circles around its lady of the heart, which is at least 5 times larger than it. He watches her and protects her from other boats, at the approach of which the black bird cackles, stretches its long neck and utters heartbreaking screams, and at the end of the incident begins to lament. “His behavior indicates that the swan has an attachment to the water bike. Obviously, he protects him as much as the brood, says biologist Dirk Wewers. It is not the first time that swans are identified and "bite" on pedal boats or other imitations.

Another example of poor quality love in the animal kingdom:
“However, something unforeseen can turn into the fact that a gander or a goose, despite the already existing“ engagement ”or even the final“ marriage, ”passionately“ fell in love ”with another partner. Such a betrayal usually happens only if the couple themselves did not form quite well, for example, when the gander lost his first lover, and his current partner was only a replacement. For many years, observing the geese, we only three times witnessed how the couple broke up, which had already safely hatched chicks. It is curious that in two of these cases the seducer was the same gander named Ado".
From the book of the Nobel Prize laureate Konrad Lorenz "The Year of the Gray Goose". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

E. Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet Club "ENLIGHTED LOVE"

This is one of the chapters of the book "LOVE! GOOD OR EVIL? Psychological dimensions.

This is a page from the section The Psychology of Love

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Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev

Psychology of love. E. Pushkarev

K.S. Lewis

Falling in love. G. Chapman.

Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.

True love, it is also compatible love.

Friendship + Love = Filia.

Culture of longevity of love. A culture of separation grief.

From disharmony in choosing a marriage partner to harmony.

Sigmund Freud about love.

Falling in love and hypnosis. S. Freud

Riddles of sexual compatibility. V.V. Meged.

In our library of books and videos (which can be downloaded for free): "Love, family, sex and about ..." more than 2000 storage units. There is also on the topic of this article.

Эрих Фромм

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Экология и драматургия любви

Наш сайт о природе любви мужчины и женщины: истоки, течение, около любовные переживания и расстройства.

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По моей книге уже с 2010 года обучают студентов по Программе дисциплины – «Психология любви»

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Из книги вы узнаете: любовь между мужчиной и женщиной исключительно положительное чувство. А очень похожая влюбленность с любовью никак не связана. А недоброкачественная влюбленность - мания, она же "наркоманическая любовь", "сверхизбирательная любовь" "folle amore" (безумная любовь (ит.) не только никакого отношения к любви не имеет, а и совсем болезненное расстройство.

А научиться их различать не так уж и сложно.

У человека нет врожденного дара, отличать любовь от влюбленностей, других

псевдолюбовных состояний это можно сделать только овладев знаниями.

Жизнь удалась

Примеры настоящей любви

Пара влюбленных

Драматичные влюбленности известных людей, которые не сделали их счастливыми