Classifications of love relationships. E. Pushkarev
Google Translate Automated Translation - Original Text
Determine the meanings of words, and you will save humanity from half of its delusions.
In a broad sense, love is an umbrella term covering a plurality of meanings and in order not to get confused and not get lost in these meanings, it is necessary to streamline and clarify them. For this, many classifications of love have been created, a small part of which is given in this chapter.
Having become acquainted with them, many questions arise. Therefore, the author has proposed his own classification, in which I try to answer the questions that arose in the study of previous classifications.
First, let"s split the entire array of available information about love into the part that is more confusing
Let"s see what relation antinomies and ambivalences have to love or not?
For this, we will divide all the already existing love information into two unequal parts: "Cultural love" and "Natural love".
This is how culture explains the meanings, content, signs, feelings and presents love: literature, poetry, drama, philosophy, stage, etc. in the last 900 years, it can also be called a second signal:
“There is no problem so serious that love cannot solve it ... There is no door that love cannot open. There is no strait that love cannot bridge. There is no wall that love cannot crush ... No matter how serious the problem seems to you, how big a mistake, arm yourself with love - and you can fix and solve everything. If you love, you will become the happiest and strongest in the Universe".
"True love, always a rare flower, agonizes and disappears from the world, the world has become too low for her."
“Love is a punishment, or maybe a reward,
And Maybe Together Both ".
R. I. Rozhdestvensky
“The concept of love, of course, belongs to such high spiritual abstractions, above which, according to R. Rozhdestvensky,“ a dead, airless space begins in the human soul ”. Doctor of Philology S.G. Vorkachev.
I propose to consider these statements as a dry residue that culture has given us.
The best way to define cultural love is the quote of the Mexican poet Octavio Paz:
And a complementary clarification:
The study is carried out by philosophers, psychologists, psychiatrists, culturologists, literary critics, philologists, publicists, sociologists, etc. Moreover, this is seen not only as a cultural heritage in the form of a huge number of books and other carriers, but also how this heritage is embodied in our mentality, how it manifests itself in real life and what social and demographic consequences this leads to.
A whole section is devoted to the consideration of "Cultural Love" in the book,
Below is only a small fragment of it for initial acquaintance.
"Love was an invention of poets (troubadours of Provence), and poetry remained synonymous with love for a long time."
Nina Upton "Love and the French". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
From these and some other statements, we learn the date of birth of cultural love, and that it is the invention of poets. And from the very beginning cultural love, as it was later called "courtly love" then "romantic love" which is now being replaced by " confluent love " was a commercial project. Wealthy lords ordered a plot and paid poets, who wrote poetry and other works with inspiration. Quite quickly, writers and poets realized that this was a profitable occupation and "... sexual love during the last 8 centuries has become an obligatory axis around which all poetry revolves" F. Engels. Now this multi-billion dollar verbal, audiovisual business is booming like never before. If at that time the poets classified their work as "refined love", then later the amorous inventions of the poets took a course towards increasing the dramatic degree of their works.
Poets and playwrights, being people, among other things, and businessmen, keenly caught the demands of the public. The modern French researcher Georges Minois cites the observation of an observer in 1561: “If a playwright wants to please the public, he does everything so that there is as much devilry in the work as possible ... This is what can attract the public the most. This is what she likes the most".
Shakespeare decided that drama was already insipid in amorous plots and set a suicidal direction for his characters. Exactly two centuries after Romeo and Juliet, amorous suicidality entered Russian literature: N.M. Karamzin "Poor Liza". In Europe at the same time, a cult of unhappy love appears, love without reciprocity, which is portrayed as so sublime and beautiful that, even dying from it, the hero arouses admiration and envy.
If during Shakespeare"s time his suicidal works were greeted with caution with misunderstanding, then two centuries after the publication of the novel in the letters of JV Goethe "The Suffering of Young Werther", an epidemic of young people"s suicides from unhappy love swept across Europe.
Research Ph.D. N.V. Oturgasheva showed that the main symbol of true love for student readers is the hero of A. Kuprin"s "Pomegranate Bracelet" telegraph operator Zheltkov: payments for love - it is not by chance that "the high poetry of unfulfilled love passes through all Russian literature, for only such love can remain eternal and unchanging."
Julia Lerner, an Israeli sociologist, having analyzed the discussions in various television talk shows, the content of the Russian press, after conducting an interview, she established that for Russians love remains “a destiny, a moral act and a value; it cannot be resisted, it requires sacrifice and involves suffering and pain".
The tragic connection of "love" and death has not only taken root among the masses, has found its fans, but is growing to this day.
Excerpts from the forum of a youth site about love:
“I envy those people who can jump off the roof because of love. This is necessary, a person"s love is the biggest problem! That is, there is no more serious reason for suicide ... I want that too ”.
“I myself am an unsuccessful (unfortunately) suicide, and no matter how paradoxical it sounds, I like it ... I swallowed pills, cut my veins and poisoned myself with gas, but everything was in vain - someone always came and rescued me ... To be maybe it has become a part of my lifestyle ... I believe that suicide is one of the best ways of self-expression, a demonstration of inner Freedom and totalitarian Anarchy ... And suicide out of love is also beautiful ...".
“This is wonderful ... I have always dreamed and continue to dream that someone would die because of love for me. And if I love this person, our hearts will be reunited in heaven".
The page on which the topic of this forum was located was on the site and was replenished for several years, but after the presidential decree N 761 (1.06.12) and the campaign against the propaganda of youth suicide was removed. Another paradox of "cultural love" on the Internet, you cannot promote youth suicidality, but at school you can.
The fact that the statements on the forum are not empty fantasies is indicated by the sad statistics: According to the Investigative Committee of the Russian Federation, 737 teenagers committed suicide in 2014. (2 teenagers per day) In 2013, Russia, according to the chief state sanitary doctor of the Russian Federation, academician of the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences G. Onishchenko, again ranks first in Europe in the number of suicides among children and adolescents.
Therefore, for a serious classification of love relationships, it will be better if we do not use the fruits of "cultural love", we move away from it because of its excessive antinomy and ambivalence.
A different approach is proposed to the consideration of love as a natural, natural phenomenon, i.e. this is the interaction of a man and a woman as two psychological subjects of nature united by a "kinship of souls", without the slightest lyricism, romance, drama and sex, which is mandatory for the modern love concepts.
N.A. Berdyaev, "On the appointment of a person"
I am sure that the whole in love is not sexual attraction, bodily pleasure, communication or family, but a person (the subject of love is a person), therefore, everything listed in love is transformed and established in a new way. Doctor of Philosophy V.M. Rozin “To the distinction between love and sexuality (from romantic love to“ creative ”)”.
This is the same, but in other words, another Ph.D. puts it:
Love, in essence, does not need body contact. Moreover, the body is often the main obstacle to love, especially in its physiological manifestations. For love, it would be better to have an ethereal, angelic body, or what people should find in paradise. Doctor of Philosophy L.V. Zharov
Natural love is the result of the interaction of the best combination of two psychotypical systems (determining the kinship of souls, the unity of the worldview) based on constitutional, unchanged throughout a person"s life, psychological properties, personality characteristics.
To designate the highest form of sexual love, V.S. Soloviev uses the concept of syzygy, which in translation from Greek means "combination". This word was used in the era of late antiquity to denote such a conjugation between a man and a woman, which is the basis of a strong marriage union.
With a certain specific set of psychological characteristics of individuals, a syzygy occurs, based on the self of each in a pair, the result of which is an interpersonal philia.
Ie there is an interaction of two natural factors, one psychotype - a man, as a natural phenomenon with another psychotype - a woman, therefore, love is natural, without the slightest cultural burden.
It can also be called the first signal because it is based on real images, personal contacts and relationships, as it happens in animals, in people before the 11th century.
N. A. Berdyaev
Today the typology of K.G. Jung, which is most fully developed and supplemented in socionics. When the best compatibility of psychotypes, there is love, friendship, at the worst, there is rejection, enmity. Natural love develops outside the laws of culture and even in spite of it. It can be assumed that the same patterns work both in the animal kingdom and in archaic cultures.
To have an idea of how cultural love is related to natural love, we will use the following statements:
Voltaire: "Love is a natural fabric embroidered with imagination."
Natural fabric is natural love, and embroidery with imagination is cultural love.
Pitirima Sorokin: “... mental soaring, tears, groans, sighs, laughter, despair and hope, etc. - all these are just "patterns", only architectural decorations on the building of love ... ".
If the natural fabric, the building, by perfect chance, turned out to be strong and reliable love in marriage survives and flourishes, if not, then the divorce is a drama, of which there are much more.
Apart from philologists and psychiatrists, anthropologists have done a good job on the scientific study of love through the use of the latest biochemical methods and fMRI equipment - functional magnetic resonance imaging, it was possible to obtain enough objective data to reveal the mysteries of the nature of individual sexual love.
It turned out that all the various plots of attraction between men and women in everyday understanding and literary presentation are referred to as falling in love, passion, and more often simply as love, these phenomena are not only significantly different in nature, have no connection with each other , and even health / disease located on opposite sides of the barricade. It was possible to identify a sufficient number of signs by which one can accurately distinguish love from falling in love, other pseudo-loving, near-loving feelings and disorders. These are summarized in the chapters that describe these feelings and disorders.
1. Love Sustainable harmonizing, psychostimulating, meaning-forming state (attitudes and feelings) of exceptional acceptance, past the stages of inception and development, based on unchanging psychological functions throughout life (for example, K. Jung"s basis), and their better compatibility among partners, and therefore becomes stronger over the years and more beneficial.
Natural love. E. Pushkarev
The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.
What is love. E. Pushkarev.
The concept of "love". E. Pushkarev.
Is love an emotion, feeling or what? E. Pushkarev
Is love a disease? E. Pushkarev
Love test: “scale of love” by Z. Rubin. E. Pushkarev
How love is viewed in socionics. E. Pushkarev
True love, it is also compatible love. E. Pushkarev.
Friendship + Love = Filia. E. Pushkarev.
Culture of longevity of love. A culture of separation grief. E. Pushkarev.
Intersexual individual love is the highest form of intimate relationships, but there are a number of similar, but inferior to it in terms of level, quality of feelings:
Okololyubov - love as a volitional act, as diligence and work based on the goodwill of both partners. This is a conscious rebuilding of relationships, the ability to get along, a habit, from "marriage-survival" to "marriage-development." Previously, it was called "reconcile, fall in love", now "well-matched couples." The most prominent supporters of such relations are Erich Fromm "The Art of Love" and Geri Chapman "Five languages of love" he called it" rational, strong-willed love".
The ancient Greeks even had several special terms to characterize this type of relationship: storge - understanding, guardianship, patronage; ennoya - giving; haris - gratitude and respect; pragma - a choice based on awareness and self-determination, etc.
Psychotherapy of family relationships.
Myths of pop - psychology of success.
Pseudo-love is a group of stable sex drives in varying degrees, different in nature, but similar in forms of manifestation, characterized by the desire for mutual intimate relationships and feelings. The term “pseudo-love” was introduced and decoded by E. Fromm: “the form is normal, in modern society, there are“ normal ”- common - social models of the pathology of love, acting as two forms of pseudo-love:
- love as mutual sexual satisfaction;
- love as “well-coordinated work” and a refuge from loneliness ”.
E. Fromm: Falling in love is one of the forms of pseudo-love.
Pseudo-love can be both mutual - satisfied and one-sided - unsatisfied.
2. Natural Falling in love - This is the main mechanism of the reproductive instinct, one of the stages of age-related development.
Psychologist Dorothy Tennov: "This is a psychophysiological phenomenon that arose during evolution to provide a temporary bond of a couple in order to facilitate the conception of children and their feeding during the first few months or years of life." This is a complex, cyclically repetitive obsessive state of inclusion, the involvement of reproductive functions. It is characterized by hyperactivity of the body and all spheres of the psyche: intellectual, emotional, volitional, unconscious, somato-vegetative, sexual, hypermobilization of physical activity. There is also a mobilization of a number of nonspecific psychophysiological manifestations. This general activity causes a state of intoxication in love, a partial loss of objective perception of reality. (a person has an average duration of six months, the maximum according to H. Fischer is 30 months).
Both love and falling in love are anthropological phenomena related: the first to the improvement of the psychological structure of the personality, the second to the reproduction of offspring.
The most striking discovery is that in humans and other animals, essentially the same systems of regulation of these complex forms of behavior work.
Oxytocin and vasopressin are regulators of family relationships in animals, including humans.
Animals in the central nervous system have very ancient neural circuits, neural networks that specialize specifically in the control of sexual and social behavior.
Ph.D. A. Markov
Neuroscientists define falling in love as "a dopaminergic goal-setting motivation to form paired bonds in order to give birth to offspring."
3. Poor quality falling in love - a large group of inter-sex drives from fake falling in love to psychological and even mental disorders, develop as a result of unresolved intrapersonal conflicts, low level of psychological health , unfavorable cultural ecology of love it was under its destructive influence that "cultural love" was formed.
According to E. Fromm: "unproductive or irrational love", "love-worship", "fake love "," sentimental love "," neurotic love "," immature form of love "or" symbiotic union ".
After E. Fromm, the terminology of these experiences and disorders has expanded significantly: "overselective love", "idolatrous love", "obsessive love", "love syndrome", "addictive love", "toxic love", "compulsive love", "Too much love", "more than love", "predatory love" , etc.
Poor quality of love can manifest itself:
- in a socially acceptable form - fake love when it is possible to use a powerful natural love program not for the evolutionary purpose of reproduction of offspring, it is "love scam "or libertinage, affair, romance, etc. their origins are sexual hunger - libido, lack of emotional stimuli, intolerance to loneliness or alienation as E. Fromm called it, when they want to escape from the depressing everyday life, when they are experiencing an internal crisis. In some cases, people with the help of falling in love are saved from depression, etc.
Falling in love is one of the forms of pseudo-love. "Erich Fromm about love" .
Love for an idle person is an occupation, for a warrior - entertainment, for a sovereign - a pitfall.
- as love addictions according to the International Classifier of Diseases (ICD-10) included in section F63. "Disorders of habits and impulses" - a classification of non-chemical forms of addictive behavior;
Candidate of Medical Sciences, Associate Professor of the Department of Psychiatry S. I. Voroshilin
Love addictions, a large collection of articles and books about love addictions, which our culture calls "addictive love" "overselective love "," neurotic love "," too much love "," more than love "," compulsive love "," toxic love ", etc. and people suffering from these disorders.
Poor quality falling in love. E. Pushkarev.
Poor quality falling in love - mania. E. Pushkarev.
Poor quality falling in love - ludus. E. Pushkarev.
Poor quality falling in love - eros. E. Pushkarev
4. Lust (lat. libido) - lust, sensual libido, “longing flesh ", acolasia (other gr.) - body pleasures, luxuria (Latin)," fals amore ", libido -" dark force of attraction "(according to Z. Freud ), “Genital tyranny” (according to V. Reich) the need for sexual satisfaction in relaxation is a purely biological, cyclical process consisting of several stages, each of which is accompanied by specific experiences, often not associated with specific relationships, and therefore impersonal.
And we, naive, deceived, again,
Let us take the languor of the flesh for love.
A. S. Pushkin
It is most pronounced in people with a strong sexual constitution. At certain age periods , for example, adolescent, or pubertal hypersexuality, is caused in both men and women by the maximum production of testosterone, a similar surge is characteristic of spring.
It is lust that owes the emergence of the "oldest profession" - prostitution.
People with weak sexual constitution at an older age have little or no lust.
There are four functions of lust and its sexual release: reproductive, hedonistic (as a source of pleasure), hygienic (as a condition for maintaining psychological health) and behavioral (as an element of intimate communication).
Of the mad lust of female power,
More Dangerous than Monsters, More Dangerous than a Storm.
The list of seven deadly sins among Christians includes lust (lust).
The leaders of the cadet corps, fatherly caring for the health of the young men under their care, issued orders allowing senior cadets, after a medical examination, to visit a brothel above the middle category assigned to the school. The main rule of officer honor, which was instilled in the cadets in this regard, was never to visit such institutions "on credit" (second half of the 19th century).
In the diaries of L.N. Tolstoy admits that there were moments in his life when he wandered around the garden with "foggy eyes", wanting only one thing - to drag the maid or the cook into the bushes and take her roughly, like an animal.
Similar affective experiences in women are described as "a state of excessive (spontaneous) sexual hospitality", more often they occur during ovulation, intoxication.
Of the passions, the most powerful, wicked and stubborn is sexual, carnal love, and therefore if passions are destroyed, and the last, the most powerful of them is carnal love, then the prophecy will be fulfilled: people will unite together, the goal of humanity will be achieved ...
by L. N. Tolstoy
In carnal love there is no place for reverence and respect for a beloved creature, which is why it awakens the beast in a person, it doesn"t matter if he is seized with anger or an outburst of passion.
Dante placed people with a similar disposition of thoughts, drives in the second circle of hell:
And I learned that this is a circle of torment
For those whom the earthly flesh called,
Who betrayed the mind to the power of lust.
The "eternal" triumvirate, the driving force of this material world - Power, Money and Sex.
Stephen Russell "The Eternal Dance of Yin and Yang". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ...".
Sexual lust, by its very nature, gives the sharpest of pleasures; Having been brought up for millennia, as the main joy of life, it grows, it seems to me, into a special psychosis that was not known to ancient mankind and will probably disappear in the future.
M.O. Menshikov, 19th century philosopher.
Within the living, which reproduce exclusively sexually (the vertebrate division), the higher we climb the ladder of organisms, the less the force of reproduction becomes, and the force of sexual desire, on the contrary, is greater.
V. S. Soloviev
Sexual harmony and satisfaction is the third most important factor on which the well-being and stability of a marriage depends, after spiritual and psychological compatibility in spouses who are married for up to 10 years, and after spiritual and everyday compatibility - in those who have lived together from 10 to 15 years.
D. Philos. S. I. Golod
Sociologist Pitirim Sorokin attributed the manifestations of sexuality and people"s needs for these manifestations to one of the three main motives that have a huge impact on the fate of entire states and peoples. Sexual instinct, along with food and safety instinct, he referred to the category of "basic" or "basic" instincts.
... animals do not know that great sexual pleasure, often bordering on emotional shock and even insanity, which is inherent in humans.
D.philos.n. V.F. Shapovalov (2013) "Man and Woman: Love, Family, Marriage." The book is in our library
... I think that in the modern world ninety percent of what is associated with the word "love" is fiction. Why? Yes, because we are humans only by a few percent, that is, exactly as much as the cortex occupies in the total volume of the brain. Everything else is the limbic system inherited from reptiles. It is she who is responsible for sexual behavior, that is, for love .
When the cortex is inactive, and only the limbic system is on, the brain consumes nine percent of the energy, but when the cortex is on, the brain requires twenty-five percent. Moreover, the brain pays for the silence of the cortex with the release of endorphins - a kind of organic drug. Not thinking is profitable and insanely pleasant. When we have before us the choice between rational activity and "pipiskin jumping", the choice is made, of course, in the direction of pipiskin. It is an eternal balance between the two systems - the ancient and the rational.
Professor, Doctor of Biological Sciences. S. Saveliev
The whole complexity of the love riddle that existed for many centuries was that all the innumerable plots of drives between men and women are formed by these four mental emotional states that are different in nature (different periods of evolutionary origin, origins, course, completion). Each of these states - psychological mechanisms - has its own neural correlate in the brain, which are called brain modules, or brain relay systems. Each system is responsible for its own specific sensory and behavioral repertoire.
Each brain system has evolved to rationalize, improve the efficiency of various aspects of reproduction, socialization:
Love , arose for millions of years before humans, to foster a healthy and harmonious offspring (in humans this is only possible filogamnoy family) makes a society, the kind of rage, anger, self-destruction.
Falling in love arose millions of years before the appearance of man, to force the male and female to focus their attention on mating with a chosen individual.
Substandard fell in love these are failures and painful mistakes in the natural course of evolution, civilizational and cultural development, have always been.
Lust evolved to motivate the male to strive for sexual intercourse with the largest number of partners, females to choose the male with the best genes, arose many millions of years before the advent of man.
In this classification, the independent separation of love / lust is not done as it is done in "platonic love" using a vertical rating scale, one high another low, but using a horizontal one.
O. Weininger "Gender and Character". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
Both of these drives are equally important and significant in a person"s life and ignoring, raising one of them can ruin the other, and indeed the whole life.
Philologists have revealed that the most common understanding of the meaning of the word "love" in the everyday consciousness of Russian speakers is "a feeling of warm heartfelt inclination, attraction to a person of the opposite sex."
If we pay special attention to the temperature gradient from this definition in the four states described above, we get:
Love this stable comfortable - a warm state until the end of the century, and by old age its warming only becomes more beneficial.
Falling in love it is violent and bright, even a blinding fire, uneven burning can not only fade out, but also go into the chilling cold of jealousy. Most often, after six months, the combustion begins to subside and soon:
Substandard fell in love this is a wide range of mental manifestations from socially acceptable - warming heat to clinic - heart fever, incinerating heat, volcanic eruption, in which a person himself may die if he does not have time to consult a specialist.
Lust it can be cool, warm, scalding hot, but it does not belong to the feeling of "heart inclination" its driver - testosterone is synthesized elsewhere.
And these four psychophysiological states are manifested: always in very different dynamic combinations. This is also how all melodies are formed from combinations of seven notes, so all love stories, experiences, drives are formed from these states.
G. Fink, scientist at the court of Queen Victoria
Love has a thousand aspects, and each of them has its own light, its own sorrow, its own happiness and its own fragrance.
Love is an ailment, the symptoms of which manifest themselves differently each time.
A person is born with a large number of innate programs of behavior that have arisen at different evolutionary times, due to which they often contradict each other. The mechanisms for the implementation of congenital behavior programs are only capable of a signature analysis of the situation, which presupposes a formally superficial comparison of the situation with the schematic signal signs embedded in these programs. And then there are cultural attitudes actively intervening, introducing additional confusion into the adequate perception of what is happening.
Sufficient coincidence of external conditions with these signal signs generates one or another emotion that prompts a person to implement the corresponding instinctive program. In this case, the true motivation of actions is not recognized - for the rational explanation of instinctively motivated behavior, the most random arguments are used, which are in the nature of fitting to the answer.
There are many versions of classifications, theories, models of love, their origins go back to ancient times. From ancient literary sources, it can be traced that people paid attention to the fact that some love passionately with anguish, others calmly, reliably until death. These observations even found their reflection in the ancient Greek language, originating from the most ancient, cultural civilization. Therefore, the ancient Greek language itself was the first and most complete classifier of amorous instincts. There were many terms in it to designate spiritual, mental, bodily love. Until now, this is the most meaningful and useful classification of love states formed under the influence of various sexual desires:
philia - love-affection, love-sympathy, love-friendship, assuming free individual choice;
storge - generic indissoluble bond, love-affection;
agape (caritas, lat.) - sacrificial, selfless love for one"s neighbor, benevolence, mercy;
pragma - “practical” love balanced by a meaningful choice;
eros - sensual love;
mania - love-obsession, love-addiction;
ludus - love game, and win as much as possible, spending as little energy as possible;
eunoia love - giving;
potos - lust;
aphrodisia - "affairs of Aphrodite";
akolasia - pleasures of the body, were terms denoting pleasures delivered through sight, hearing and smell;
haris - love - gratitude and respect;
latreya - "reverent worship", "cult service", love-reverence.
In the ancient Greek language, there were other terms that emphasized various aspects of love attraction.
If the Russian language had such a richness of terminology, it would have been possible to avoid many personal, social dramas and tragedies.
And L.N. Tolstoy also believed: "If how many heads, so many minds, then how many hearts, so many kinds of love."
Canadian psychologist and sociologist John Alan Lee used six of these terms to create his classification, filling them with specifying signs. They partly depend on a person"s temperament, although the level of his spiritual maturity and upbringing also matter. It should be borne in mind that pure types of love (as well as pure types of temperaments) are rare, and more often love is mixed: dashes from other types can be added to the basis of one type of love.
“Rational, strong-willed love - this is the love to which the sages have always called us. It is a love that unites cause and emotion and includes an act of will, requires discipline, and also recognizes the need for personal growth. We cannot take credit for all those good and generous deeds that we did under the influence of this "obsession." We are carried away and carried by the force born of instinct. But if we, returning to the real world of choice, choose kindness and generosity, then this is true love. It is the decision to spend energy on efforts that will benefit the other person, the knowledge that if his or her life becomes richer thanks to your efforts, then you too will receive satisfaction, the essence of which is that you truly loved someone. This does not require the euphoria of the state of being in love". G. Chapman.
He believes that true love cannot begin before falling in love has exhausted itself. Obviously, speaking of "true love", G. Chapman means pragma love.
As an example:
Ogarev"s third wife, Mary (formerly a London prostitute), with whom he lived for 18 years in peace and harmony until his death, did not even understand Russian, much less his poetry or political activities. But she adored him, created all the conditions for a normal life and work for him, i.e. was just a wife, without any additional pretensions. “Mary Sutherland, writes Lydia Lebedinskaya in the story about Ogarev, idolized him without understanding. And over the years, Ogarev began to think that this was probably natural, if so, and no longer tried to explain anything. However, it was not necessary for Mary. Everything that her husband did, deliberately seemed to her in the halo of immutable justice and rightness".
The first false path of love is "hellish" - a painful unrequited passion. The second, also false - "animal" - indiscriminate satisfaction of sexual desire.
The third way (the first true) is marriage. The fourth is asceticism. The highest, fifth way is Divine love, when not sex appears before us - “half of a person”, but a whole person in the union of masculine and feminine principles. Man becomes in this case "superman"; it is here that he solves the main task of love - to perpetuate his beloved, to save him from death and decay.
More details: The theory of love of the philosopher V.S. Solovyova
Only love from correct concepts leads to the highest good, since it is associated with cognitive love for God and the absence of affects. A person, relying on the idea (opinion) of the good, seeks to find and connect with him, but when he finds the best, he turns his love from one beloved to another. Love, born of what he heard, is a priori and similar to a child"s faith in the natural rightness of his father's words.
In modern classifications love of a man and a woman , several approaches can be distinguished:
- the concept of love associated with the levels of the human need sphere. Psychological schools: classical versions of psychoanalysis and behaviorism - correlate love with the needs of the body and natural subject. Biologizing theories of love reveal its meaning through the needs of the species (continuation of the genus). Later, love is associated with the cognitive need of the subject (creating an image of the world) in cognitive psychology (the level of a social cultural subject), with the need for social contact (the level of a social cultural subject) in gestalt psychology. In humanistic psychology, love is correlated with the needs of the moral subject: in self-actualization, increasing the level of psychological health, self-realization, personal self-improvement (the highest level of the human need sphere).
- division of theories of love into pessimistic and optimistic. In the pessimistic model, love is postulated as a reflection of personal inadequacy, weakness and imperfection of a person (Z. Freud, L. Kasler, J.P. Sartre, A. Afanasyev, feminist position), in the optimistic one - the constructive power of love, as a mutual feeling of adequate personalities (A. Maslow, J. Lee, R. May, R. Hatiss, Z. Rubin, V. Mustein, E. Fromm, the one offered on our site ).
By L. Kasler.
1) the need for recognition;
2) satisfaction of sexual needs;
3) conformist reaction (as is customary). According to Kasler, love is a fusion of a set of emotions, among which the leading role is played by the fear of losing the source of satisfying one's needs. Falling in love , constructed by the constant fear of losing it, makes a person unfree, dependent and interferes with personal development. He connects the positive emotional state of a lover with a person's gratitude for satisfying his needs. Therefore, a free person does not feel love.
People's Artist of Russia A. Shirvindt
Not only can I not imagine my life without my wife, I feel terrified if such a thought flashes through. Such a thought plunges me into horror, cold sweat, trembling: "God forbid." I can interrupt this rush only with the thought: “life will inevitably end, if only it would not end before mine.
People's Artist of Russia Ilya Oleinikov. He was buried on 11/14/12 at the Kazan cemetery in the suburbs of St. Petersburg.
According to J.-P. Sartre's love is a game around the freedom of lovers, and the sacrifice of one's own freedom becomes evidence of love, but at the same time love for the unfree disappears, and the proof of love becomes its limit. Only the intrigue of deception, the gift of freedom in an imaginary form, preserves love as self-deception. Based on the theory of J.-P. Sartre, in modern mass culture, love is understood not as a force that makes it possible for individuality to degenerate, but as a sexual play in a narrow space.
... Consideration of love in the categories of passion, eroticism, temptation allows us to formulate a synthesis of the phenomena of play and love in modern culture, which indicates the playful nature of this culture. Doctor of Philosophy O.I. Nikolina
“... in love there is nothing but a relationship based on the domination of a man who deceitfully dresses up in clothes that promise blessings to a woman. Without these clothes, nothing of what we call love will remain".
Gilbert P. (Oxford UK-Cambridge USA, 1991)
He deduced it from his theory, according to which he divided human psychology into deficit and existential. Maslow also subdivided love into these two types: deficit (D-love) and existential (B-love). Maslow systematizes the differences between these two types of love in ten points:
1. B- love is realized with joy, it is completely and completely pleasant, it is rather admiration than attraction, and therefore it does not bring troubles and almost always gives pleasure.
2. B-love is unsaturated, you can enjoy it endlessly, usually it increases, and does not wane. She is an end, not a means.
3. The experience of being love is often described as being similar to an aesthetic or mystical experience.
4. B-love expresses a therapeutic or "psychogogic," as Maslow calls it, a transformational effect, which refers not only to sexual love, but to maternal love or love of God.
5. B-love gives a much higher and richer subjective experience than D-love, according to everyone who has the opportunity to compare them.
6. D-love can be satisfied, but the concept of “satisfaction” is hardly applicable to B-love.
7. B-love, unlike D-love, contains practically no hostility and anxiety.
8. Lovers experiencing B-love are less dependent on each other, more autonomous, less afraid and anxious, more individual and selfless, and at the same time more eager to help the other in self-actualization, more proud of their successes, more altruistic and generous.
9. B-love allows you to truly penetrately perceive another, it is not only an emotional, but also a cognitive reaction, and Maslow claims that it is not love that is blinded, but, on the contrary, its absence.
10. It is B-love in a certain sense that creates a partner, it gives him self-respect, self-acceptance, the feeling that he is worthy of love - all this ensures his growth.
He distinguished seven types of love: religious (love for God), ethical (comparing love with values such as good, truth, beauty), ontological (love related to unity, harmony, enrichment and inspiration), physical (love expressed through the affirmation of the unity, integration and ordering of the energy of the universe), biological (love expressed sexually, romantically and through passion), psychological (love expressed emotionally through the manifestation or testing of empathy, sympathy, kindness and benevolence) and social (love expressed in interactions or relationships due to mutual exchange, mutual assistance and altruism).
With regard to these types of love, P.A. Sorokin also distinguishes five of their characteristics: intensity, extensiveness, duration, purity and self-sufficiency. Intensity ranges from zero to infinity; extensiveness - from love for oneself to love for humanity and all living beings; duration - from the shortest moment to love throughout life; the purity of love ranges from “love for love's sake” (love as an end in itself) to “polluted love” (love as a means); self-sufficiency of love ranges from the absolute identity of the subjective goals of the action of love and their objective consequences to their complete divergence.
Love can also be represented as a three-dimensional model of relationships: sympathy / antipathy, respect / contempt, closeness / distance.
But this version may have such a continuation. In the novel "War and Peace" Lev Nikolaevich described with documentary accuracy four, rather different versions of Natasha Rostova's love / love: Boris Drubetskoy, Andrei Bolkonsky, Anatol Kuragin and family love with Pierre Bezukhov. There are several loves / loves per heart, which means that the number of births of love increases by the same amount?
• Sex, lust, libido;
• Eros, love as a desire for reproduction or creativity - the highest, according to the ancient Greeks, forms of being and relationships between people;
• Filia, or friendship, brotherly love;
• Agape, concern for the welfare of another person, the prototype of which is God's love for a person.
Especially May explains the dialectical relationship of love and power: “We must pay attention to the interaction of love and power, to the fact that in order to love was more than sentimentality, it needs strength, and strength, in order not to turn into naked manipulation, needs love ".
1. Establishing a relationship. This refers to the ease of communication between two people, in other words - how "at ease" they feel in each other's company. It depends both on socio-cultural factors (social class, education, religion, style, upbringing) and on the individual's ability to come into contact with other people.
2. Self-disclosure. Feeling connected with another person creates a feeling of relaxation, trust and makes it easier to reveal oneself to another. Social and cultural factors also have a great influence here.
3. Formation of mutual dependence. Gradually, a man and a woman develop and develop a system of interrelated habits, a feeling of need for each other appears.
4. Realization of the basic needs of the individual, which, according to A. Reis, are the needs for love, trust, someone's stimulation of her ambitions, etc. The development of the feeling of love goes in the direction from the first process to the fourth. Of course, missing one of them negatively affects the development or stability of love relationships.
Advances that the nature of love has no direct connection with certain vital needs and functions. Love, although it can arise on the basis, for example, of sexual desire, which sometimes serves as a precondition for the emergence of a love feeling, but as such is not identical and is not subject to any vital impulses with which it, at the same time, can coexist quite harmoniously ...
The concept of "love" includes many characteristics, such as altruism, intimacy, admiration, respect, participation, trust, consent, pride. Each characteristic can, in addition, be classified according to the way of expression: a) feeling, b) attitude, c) behavior, r) common sense.
However, none of them is the leading criterion for the definition of "love". For example, partners may come to the conclusion that they “love” by “referring to feelings, relationships, or behavior, but the assessment of their condition remains, however, a conscious decision” (and the will “clogs” the immediacy of expression inherent in love). The question remains open.
According to V. I. Mustein, the research carried out speaks of three stages of "love": a) passionate love; b) romantic; c) conjugal love. Passionate love involves intense arousal and is based on sex, although there may be no sexual relationship due to internal and external barriers. Romantic love is hard to distinguish from passionate love in strength, but it focuses on idealizing a partner, not sexuality. Conjugal love occurs either after marriage, or if the partners are in long-term relationship before marriage; based on good awareness, on "ever-increasing knowledge of each other, replacing fantasy." The result of each stage and their sequence has not been studied. One of the schemes is as follows: passionate love (physical attraction), quickly following idealization (romantic love), then turning into long-term conjugal love. However, some begin with friendship, followed by romantic and passionate love. The study of these stages is the subject of further research.
He distinguishes the following types: war economy, wealth economy, bourgeois economy and consumption economy.
D. Myers writes that it is extremely important for any person to find a soul mate whom we can trust, who will appreciate us for who we are. He compares romantic love with imprinting: a person who has been with us for a long time, in our field of vision, and shares our views, evokes romantic feelings.
Kernberg defines love as a multicomponent structure, among the main components, to which he attributes, first of all, sexual arousal and erotic desire.
Kernberg believes that sexual arousal is the main affect around which the integration of partial relationships into holistic object relationships occurs - that is, split off or dissociated self and object representations into whole and all-encompassing ones.
Among other components of love, Kernberg refers: tenderness as an expression of the ability to take care of the object of love, which finds its origin in the integration of libidinal and aggressively loaded self and object representations.
I would especially like to emphasize that tenderness, like other emotional manifestations in love, he considers as a sublimation of libido.
"I want to tell you one important truth, ignorance of which is the reason for almost all divorces: it is impossible to marry for love. Love is the union of two people, which is born in marriage and is nurtured during 10-15 years of marriage." ...
Priest Ilya Shugaev
Bible: “Husbands, love your wives as Christ did, loved the Church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
Famous psychotherapist Morgan Scott Peck "Love is not a feeling" : "True love is mostly strong-willed, but non-emotional work. A person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving, regardless of whether there is a love feeling. the determination to love, the will to love still remains and acts.
True love is not a feeling that overwhelms us; it is a binding, deliberate decision.
... to really carefully listen to the story of the wife (husband) about how the day went at work or what happened in the laundry, to understand their problems "from the inside", trying to be invariably patient and extremely attentive - all this is often boring, uncomfortable and always tiresome, takes away strength: this is work. If we are very lazy, we will not do it. If we are not very lazy, then we will do it more often or better. If love is work, then non-love is laziness.
It is our sense of duty after marriage that allows us to withstand the transition from falling in love to true love.
Gary Chapman "Five languages of love" : "Rational, strong-willed love" - this is the love for which the sages have always called us to ”.
“Contrary to popular belief, love is not the result of fate or luck, it does not come and go, we create it ... and each of us has the ability to create it. Each of us has the ability to love and be loved, each of us has the ability to create relationships, the main thing in which is love. It doesn't matter how we live now - alone or trapped in an unhappy, exhausted relationship - life can change, and we are the ones who can change it".
Adam J. Jackson. "Ten Secrets of Love" The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
And many other practicing psychotherapists and psychologists are supporters of this approach.
E. Fromm was an adherent of the same theory of love. Speaking about love, Fromm emphasizes that love is an art, just like the art of living.
According to Fromm:
The first step in achieving this art is the realization that if we want to learn to love, it is important to do exactly the same as if we wanted to learn any other art: music, painting, carpentry, medicine or engineering.
The second step is mastering the practice. After a long practice, knowledge and skill will combine into one - into intuition, which will be true mastery.
The third step that Fromm singles out is concentration, complete dedication of oneself, one's strength and thoughts to this skill.
Mastering this art, improving his skills, a person acquires the ability to love. Fromm shares the concept of being loved and loving oneself. At the same time, to love oneself means to be able to love. To be able to love is mature love, and the desire to be loved is immature.
But the systematization of E. Fromm's love deserves a separate consideration.
• erotic - love between a man and a woman ;
• fraternal, serving as the ideal of relations between people based on respect, equality and cooperation;
• maternal, imbued with care and responsibility; it is unconditional, irrational love, love for the weak, where the desire to bestow prevails;
• self-love as an effective affirmation of being and the productivity of one's existence; its absence does not allow a person to build a relationship of love with other people, since one who is not able to love himself cannot give love to another;
• love for God, embodying the affirmation of life in all forms of its manifestation.
E. Fromm "The Crisis of Psychoanalysis"
E. Fromm "To Have or To Be"
E. Fromm already as a psychoanalyst introduces, explains and systematizes new concepts:
PSEUDO LOVE: normal form - “in modern society there are“ normal ”- widespread - social models of the pathology of love, acting as two forms of pseudo-love:
1) love as mutual sexual satisfaction;
2) love as “well-coordinated work” and a refuge from loneliness ”.
And there is another form of love pathology:
“Various individual forms of love pathology, leading to suffering and neuroses. These include:
1) neurotic love - a form of pseudo-love in which partners are centered on the parents and transfer to the partner the feelings of expectation and fears experienced in relation to the parents;
2) love-worship - a form of pseudo-love in which a person loses himself in a loved one desperately strives to dissolve in the object of love, lives someone else's life, experiencing inner emptiness, revealing the poverty of spirit and despair of the worshiper;
3) sentimental love - a form of pseudo-love in which feeling is experienced only in the imagination, and not in real relationships; the most common type is “substitutionary” love satisfaction of consumers of songs, films, novels and other things; the other is a temporary aberration, when partners live with memories of past feelings and fantasies of future love;
4) a form of pseudo-love centered on the partner's shortcomings and weaknesses, which are constantly exposed and denounced;
5) a form of pseudo-love projecting meaning and problems on children, using children for compensatory purposes.
On our site, Fromm's theory of love is given a special place, links are given in the upper left corner of the page.
Detailed analysis and explanations of E. Fromm's theory of love is done by Ph.D., Ph.D., Ph.D., Academician P. Gurevich In love, a person wants to become a god (about Erich Fromm).
When a man and a woman are considered as natural subjects, anthropic phenomena with specific characteristics, properties, signs, and when their best combinations interact, " Natural love "
Different authors of typologies have chosen different characteristics as defining characteristics: psychological, psychophysiological, psychosexual, temperament, hormonal, etc.
Even Plato, in the very first attempt at a philosophical understanding of love, expressed the idea of love as an eternal thirst for reunification, and not just a man and a woman anyhow, but just halves of souls with kinship, only in this case the androgynous integrity of the personality is restored, due to the healing of human flaws nature and their reimbursement.
Marsilio Ficino wrote "Commentary on Plato's Feast." In it, the author described love as a cosmic force that integrates soul and body, man and nature. He spoke about the fact that love is based on the similarity of people (in temperament, birth under the same planet, etc.), which makes them attractive to each other and facilitates mutual understanding.
In astrology that appeared long before Plato, ancient researchers noticed that people born under the signs of the zodiac of the same element converge well with each other, which is the best basis for love, under others it is worse. And there are also such combinations of zodiac signs in which you should not even try to build relationships. This astrological theory has stood the test of centuries and remains popular and in demand to this day.
To designate the highest form of sexual love, V.S. Soloviev uses the concept of syzygy, which means "combination" in Greek . This word was used in the era of late antiquity to denote such a conjugation between a man and a woman, which is the basis of a strong marriage union.
With a certain specific set of psychological characteristics of individuals, a syzygy occurs, based on the self of each in a pair, the result of which is an interpersonal philia.
And in another case, two positive, positive-minded people met, decided to create a full-fledged marriage union, and began construction. And they ended up with a pragma contractual relationship, they are also called "well-matched couple" based on duty, volitional efforts, diligence and control. But because the combination of psychotypical characteristics of individuals in this pair does not correspond to the syzygy.
Syzygy can be understood not only as a beneficial marriage, but also as a form of unity of the human principle with the divine essence. Discussions about the psychotypic characteristics of a person also apply to religiosity; for a certain psychotype, the combination with the divine essence becomes a real vital force, support. And the other would like to achieve an organic connection with the divine essence, but it does not work out for him, he did not come out as a psychotype. And for the third, the divine essence itself is ephemeral mysticism and mythology.
In the author's methodology, natural love is considered as the result of the interaction of the best combination of two psychotypical systems (determining the kinship of souls) based on constitutional psychological properties that are unchanged throughout a person's life, personality characteristics, therefore, over the years it becomes stronger and more beneficial. The best suited for this is the typology of C.G. Jung, which is most fully developed in socionics. In it, the psychotype is determined by the configuration of four dichotomous psychological functions. "Socionics of love"
E. Fromm "The Art of Love"
Aushra Augustinavichiute is the founder of socionics, the most dynamic, both theoretically and practically developing direction. She and her followers studied the entire spectrum of psychotypical compatibility and how the best compatibility - duality - has a beneficial effect on human life, and how adverse combinations have a destructive effect.
Katharina Briggs and her daughter Isabelle Myers developed the Typology in the same way as in socionics based on the works of C.G. Cabin boy. Described in the book by O. Kroeger and J. M. Tewson “16 ways of love. How 16 Personality Types Determine Your Possibilities in Love. The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
The typology of the anthropologist from the USA Dr. Helen Fisher is based on the division of people depending on the level of such chemically active substances as dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen, which are synthesized in the body.
If dopamine production prevails, then a person is constantly in search of something new. She called the people in this group "explorers."
If the production of serotonin dominates, then this determines the presence of such personality traits as calmness, loyalty, love of rules, order and facts. She called this group of people “builders”.
People with high testosterone levels (regardless of gender) fall into the third group - the “directors” group, as they are decisive, demanding, have a sober view of the world and have good strategic thinking.
Individuals who are dominated by the hormone estrogen (it affects both men and women) are creative, empathetic natures who are excellent at negotiating, have a large number of verbal and social skills, and are able to collect and analyze disparate facts. She called them "negotiators."
She revealed which of these psychotypes lead to high-quality relationships, which to disharmony.
Take the Helen Fisher test to select the best partner hormonal compatibility.
K. Philological Sciences, Sociologist Yu. Ryurikov "Honey and Poison of Love". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
Yu.B. Ryurikov notes that there are as many types of love as there are types of people. The author expresses the idea that it is impossible to consider the registers of love feelings in isolation from the analysis of human types, i.e. without a psychological (theoretical) basis, an analysis of the internal roots of their origin. Based on these reflections, he proposes to define love as "the inner shadow of a person, an echo of his temperament and character, a mirror of his biological and psychological self."
Alexander Yuryevich Afanasyev is a writer, scientist, inventor, philosopher, psychologist, gerontologist, teacher, artist named his typology - psychosophy (psyche-yoga), described in the book "Syntax of Love".
Lyudmila Nikolaevna Sobchik, candidate of medical sciences, doctor of psychological sciences. Director of the Institute of Applied Psychology, described her theory in the book “Diagnostics of psychological compatibility. Once again about love ”, a chapter from this book Love. A family. L. Sobchik
Natalia Lvovna Nagibina, Doctor of Psychology, Professor, Founder of Psycosmology, developed a model of a system of psychological types and the main provisions of the system, which finally, after a number of intermediate hypotheses, took shape by 1999 into a coherent and consistent empirical systemic classification.
Edward Hoffman and Marcella Bakour Weiner "A Book of Love Compatibility, or Twelve Personality Traits That Can Help You Find a Life Partner." The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."