Part III. ECOLOGY OF LOVE CULTURE. E Pushkarev
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At the turn of the millennium, mankind has lost the landmarks of its development, which naturally leads to attempts to reflect on the purpose and meaning of a person, to reveal the worldview foundations of the existence of individuals.
S. Omarbekova, Ph.D. n.
In this section, we will consider the modern ecology of the culture of love, its low suitability for the harmonious life of a common man in the street, especially a young one. The concept of ecology quickly began to enter all spheres of social life. Its volume and content are filled with new meanings and parameters. We have already begun to talk about ecology not only in relation to nature (flora and fauna), but also use the concepts of “ecology of conscience”, “ecology of morality”, “ecology of consciousness”, “ecology of the culture of love”, etc. All these concepts are necessary to comprehend such categories as "person - quality of life - survival". These categories determine the degree of environmental friendliness of our culture.
But first, let's define the very concept of the ecology of the culture of love - a cultural environment formed by modern ideas, norms, attitudes of society about this phenomenon of "love". Starting a conversation about the ecology of love, unfortunately, everything boils down to its anti-ecological character. Without pretending to fully cover the topic, we will only touch on two aspects.
1. Confusion of concepts
About the fact that a number of attractions from the amorous - romantic list: natural and substandard falling in love, various pseudo-love states have nothing to do with love, we have considered in part I." Let's figure it out ":
Poor quality falling in love ;
Various feelings of love and being in love ;
How to distinguish love from falling in love and other pseudo-lovers ;
If you eliminate the confusion of love with pseudo-loves ;
But the saddest thing is that modern culture love addictions continues to glorify as the highest standard of love in school. And the general result of this confusion is summarized below in the chapters:
Consumer society and its antilove essence ;
Psychiatric mess with love at school ;
Psychological features of love addiction and ways to overcome it. A. Fedosova
Love vs pseudo-love, or about love addiction. S. Clemin
About Professor Helen Fisher and true love
"Romantic love": aspects, analysis and consequences ".
"Jean-Paul Sartre viewed love as a fragile, extremely fragile and deceiving feeling, fraught with soul-debilitating conflicts.
Merging with the “other” leads to the loss of oneself in it, and this is a very expensive price for existence for ephemeral happiness. In addition, competition, self-interest and envy are against him from all sides. The “other” bursts into love, and he acts as a “stranger”, in the role of a tormentor. Love disappoints, slips away, the ambivalence of love and hate is revealed".
G. Ya. Streltsova "Jean-Paul Sartre about love"
Traditionalist philosopher Y. Evola writes about "The tyranny of love and sex ...";
Psychologist and psychotherapist M.I. Zavalov: "However, today a person lives under the yoke of a new romantic tyranny ...";
Love is already devoid of independence, it arises not from the natural relationships of people, from their natural self, but from an orientation towards patterns overheated by drama imposed by culture. They are generated by mass culture, penetrate the consumer and the viewer, capturing his consciousness, controlling motivation and directing experiences. Since this amorous pressure has been going on for centuries and is transmitted to the next generations also at the genetic level.
We: the deepest aspects of romantic love. Robert A. Johnson
“In this sense, Beck speaks of love as a religion. More precisely, as about "religion after religion", about "fundamentalism after overcoming it", about "the place of worship of the personal development of a society running in a circle." We love, honor and choose love. Our spiritual and bodily yearning is directed towards this most important of all conditions. Exciting metaphors of hits and advertisements inflame our imagination, kindle the thirst to be released in an embrace with another person and merge with him in bed". Philosopher and writer Richard Precht "The Religion of Love" .
Ulrich Beck and his wife Elisabeth in their work Absolutely Normal Chaos of Love (1990) characterize the situation with love not just as chaos, but as the reality in which we live, as a normal situation.
It should be noted here that the procedures for infecting mass love in their effectiveness can be correlated with weapons of mass destruction, since a person is simply not able to resist them".
There were expressions characterizing the situation with love culture: demystification , demonization, angelization of love, “humanity is raving with love” , "Totalitarianism of love", "is love an idol or an icon?" etc.
Hugo wrote: “Illusion is the main basis for dreams; take away the illusion from love, and you take away its food". Our culture, and now the commerce that has joined it, will not allow anyone to take away these illusions.
Doctor of Philosophy, Professor A.P. Maltseva
P. Calderona de la Barca: "If love is not madness, then it is not love."
P. Beaumarchais: “In love, not even“ too much ”is enough.
M. Navarre "The most difficult torments are the torments of love."
G. Beecher "Love is measured by suffering."
J. Bataille: "To love is to die"
If at the time of Freud, women's neuroses were mainly associated with unrealized sexual desires, then nowadays neuroses have another massive reason: not being involved in amorous myths imposed by culture.
Our culture has turned people into Homo amorabundus - a person who is languishing in love.
... the heart of a psychiatrist is almost daily constricted from pain at the sight of excruciating delusions and suffering generated by this myth. Millions of people spend a lot of energy desperately and hopelessly trying to reconcile the reality of their lives with the unreality of myth.
Psychiatrist, military psychologist Morgan Scott Peck "The myth of romantic love"
I have heard from many of my patients: “I am suffering terribly, doctor! I really need some man to fall in love with me. It doesn't even matter to me what he is and what he is, the main thing is that he just take it and fall in love with me".
Psychotherapist A. Kurpatov "Five great secrets of a man and a woman." The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
D.philos.n O.I. Nikolina "The Phenomenon of Love in Human Being"
History of the culture of love feelings. E. Pushkarev
Erich Fromm, the most famous researcher of the psychology of love in the twentieth century:
True love, it is also compatible love. E. Pushkarev.
The other side of drama and passionate love.
In an experiment conducted under the guidance of Professor of the University of Acadia, Dr. Lachlan McWilliams, took part 5645 representatives of the fairer sex aged 18 to 60 years. It turned out that Miss and Mrs, who felt uncertain about the future of their relationship with a partner or felt discomfort while spending time together, were significantly more susceptible to various kinds of chronic diseases, such as, for example, arthritis, headaches, seasonal allergies.
According to Dr. McWilliams, those women in whose life there is so-called restless attachment are more likely to suffer from these disorders, as well as asthma, high blood pressure, chronic lung diseases, high blood sugar or diabetes, stomach ulcers , disorders of the functioning of the cardiovascular system, epilepsy, seizures and cancer.
I love you to tears,
I love you crazy ...
You will recognize her from a thousand
By words, by eyes, by voice
Her image is carved into the heart
Aromas of gladioli
The absurdity of such a metaphor lies in the fact that gladioli do not have aromas, i.e. the authors are absolutely not interested in either the content or the metaphorical meaning of their works.
Group "Factory", "About Love":
I will fold my palms like this
To shout louder
That's why I live
To tell you words,
About love, about you,
Divorces per 1000 marriages 2000
1426 - Magadan region.
827 - Saint-Petersburg
673 - Moscow
35 - Ingushetia
According to the 2012 UN Demographic Yearbook, Russia is the first country with the highest number of divorces. Further Belarus, Ukraine, Moldova. On the 6th - the USA.
But, a psychologically healthy person is not afraid of love, he strives for it, he achieves it and receives it. The neurotic is afraid of love.
What must be overcome in order not to be afraid of love? P. Cutter
John Townsend “Don't hide from love. How to get rid of the fear of emotional closeness that holds you captive, isolating you from communication "
John Powell "Why I'm Afraid to Love."
Due to the wide spread among modern people of all kinds of neuroses, their love is neurotic in nature, often accompanied by the desire of partners not so much to give as to take, which, in general, cannot be called love.
Corresponding member of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences, MD, psychotherapist M.Ye. Litvak
In the same program V. Erofeev asks a twenty-year-old beautiful poetess: "What will you do when, having been married for 15 years, you have 5 children. And you fell passionately in love?" The poetess does not hesitate: "I will leave my husband." And she does not yet have applicants for the fathers of her five children. She still does not know what it is to bear and give birth to a child, does not know what to do, when a child has conjunctivitis, she does not know what it is like to go to the circus with 5 children. But she already has a ready-made solution to her actions in the event of a certain love feeling. V. Erofeev with an approving smile: "Well, you see what kind of love she is."
And this despite the fact that V. Erofeev was already a victim of amorous ambivalence and described his situation in detail How to be unloved, or Factory of love . This is a situation when a person burns himself with milk, but does not want to blow on the water.
It makes no sense to criticize television as it represents love, this is commerce, anything for the rating, and what "Kultura" does is very mildly - aesthetic promiscuity.
Poor love is a mania. E. Pushkarev.
21.1% - Russia
25.8% - Bulgaria
26.8% - Austria
33.6% - UK
34.9% - France
The documentary filmed the film "Ugliness of Beauty" in it shows the tricks that people resort to in different parts of the planet to be more beautiful. The film has found a good title, that for some disgrace a long neck, stretched lips, ears, painted eyes and lips, tattoos, scars, sawed teeth for others are the standards of beauty. In one of the tribe, it is shown that only a woman with a long neck is considered beautiful. A woman with an ordinary neck in this tribe does not have the slightest chance of gaining the attention of a man. From early childhood, girls are put on rings around their necks, due to which the neck is forcibly stretched for the rest of their lives. If the rings are removed in adulthood, then the neck will not be able to hold the head, it will bend over the shoulder. The neck muscles are atrophied. Our culture of love resembles such a woman's neck. Love leans ugly in any direction because it lacks natural support and even guidance. Mountains of amorous literature and other poetic liberties serve as pulling rings.
Leading British epidemiologist, 51-year-old Neil Ferguson, contracted the coronavirus while inviting his married mistress, 38-year-old Antonia Staats, to his home.
In the photo: on the left - Neil Ferguson, in the center - Antonia Staats, on the right - her husband Chris Lucas, they have an open marriage.
The expression and experience of feelings of love in Russians differs from those of other nationalities:
- subjects of Russian nationality are characterized by inconsistency, irrationality. Love is associated with beauty, happiness, joy, delight - on the one hand, and with sadness, suffering, longing, sadness, tears - on the other.
- the subjects of the Chinese nationality are characterized by rationality, there is no contradiction, love for them is harmony, perfection, music, melody, poem.
... love among representatives of Russian culture is a deeper and stronger feeling in emotional experience, in comparison with Chinese and Koreans from South Korea.
Established significant differences in the semantic spaces of meanings of the word "love" between groups of subjects belonging to the same nationality, but who are speakers of different languages (Russian-speaking Koreans and Koreans from South Korea), and the absence of these differences between groups of subjects belonging to different nationalities, but who are native speakers of one (Russian) language (Russian and Russian-speaking Koreans), allowed to confirm the scientific hypothesis about the influence of language on the way of thinking and the way of feeling of the people speaking it.
Candidate of cultural studies A.V. Sevryuk
... in the Chinese linguistic consciousness, the idea is cultivated that love is born from the feeling of friendship. This is confirmed in the analysis of the character "love" in the Chinese language - both complex and simplified versions of the character basically contain the ideogram "friend". Hence, we can draw a conclusion about the similarity in the Chinese linguistic consciousness of the signs of "love" and "friendship".
Turning to the concept of love, we do not see an absolute analogy between Russian and Chinese national characters. This is all the more inappropriate since the origins of the Russian and Chinese words love are not identical.
Philologist Ch. Abidueva "Paremiological analysis of the concept" love "in Russian and Chinese cultures.
We can learn a lot about human love by looking at Eastern culture and its traditions. Robert A. Johnson
Overview: love in the family in different countries. E. Pushkarev
German philosopher Norbert Bolz
Already at the end of the 19th century, the poet Arthur Rimbaud suggested: "Love should be reinvented."
Therefore, the term "love" in relation to intersexual individual relationships in everyday life is simply unsuitable for semantic use due to its contradictory nature, multidimensionality, overloaded with antinomies and ambivalences, it is suitable only for fiction and philosophical literature, as a kind of metaphysical , existential abstraction describing "unearthly joy", "otherworldly", "cosmic absolute".
This is a malicious word "love". E. Pushkarev
To finish the description of the situation with the ecology of the culture of love, you can use the formula, in which the numerator has mountains of amorous literature, oceans of theater, cinema and Internet drama, in the denominator there is a huge number of people who are daily puzzled by the search for love,
Laura Day. "Practical intuition in love." The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
You can see that this need has appeared quite recently.
and not only lonely. We regularly receive letters to our Club with problems: “I am married, but I do not have enough love ...”, “I am married, but I really want to fall in love ...” and many other similar versions of love frustration.
And as a result of this formula.
According to statistics for love, about 80% get married.
"Now (1999, the trend is growing), half of young families break up in the first year of life, two thirds - in the first five years, in 70% of families that have not yet broken up, the spouses are in tense relations ..."
D.philos.n. V.M. Rosin
The number of divorces per 1000 marriages 2016, Russia - 895, Bryansk region. - 1253, Chechnya - 158.
This is the same, but with clarifications.
“According to official statistics, we have 70 divorces per 100 marriages. And I say that 100% of marriages are divorces. We don't have families as such. It's just that people live in isolation in one territory, isolated from each other.
We have such families that only the outer shell keeps people together. I researched families where the marriage lasted 10-15 years, and asked, asked a question of this type: "You would now marry your husband, but only everything will happen again as it was." And vice versa. As a result, only 5% of men did not regret having married this woman. And 9% of women. But, let's say, I agree to marry her, and my wife would not marry me now, if on a new one. So out of 11,400 families, there are five of them, where there is a mutual choice". (Total less than 05%)
Corresponding Member of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences, MD, psychotherapist M.E. Litvak "Love is healthy and addicted." In our library "Love, family, sex and about … ”There are almost all the books of M.Ye. Litvak.
A wise psychotherapist in the study of conjugal love in the survey did not use this word itself and the correctness of this lies in the fact that if he asked a direct question "Do you love your spouse now" he would receive the answer:
Yes - 59%
Periodically - 34%
I Hate - 7%
From an Internet poll.
And he asked a hidden, expert question and got a reliable picture of the love of the spouses.
- firstly, the respondent is inclined to answer not what actually is, but what he considers appropriate in this situation.
- secondly, this word in our culture does not mean at all what it is.
This is a malicious word "love". E. Pushkarev
E. Fromm "Sane Society"
“Often what is taken for love is that which is not. The custom of "getting married", common economic interests, mutual affection for children, mutual dependence - all this is perceived as "love" until one or both partners admit that they do not love and have never loved each other".
E. Fromm "Love and its decay in modern society"
An episode from a modern Western novel. The Frenchman studied with an Arab girl at the university, fell in love, decided to get married. He came to the girl's parents:
- I love your daughter. And I want to marry her.
- Do you love my daughter?
- Yes, I do.
- Why do you need such difficulty now as loving her? Is she your wife that you love her? - the girl's mother was sincerely surprised.
Love in the Arab sense is responsibility, care, protection, provision of both material and housing ... These are significant and nervous and energy costs. Why take on all these burdens before marriage.
Both students and female students study in Arab institutes, but there are no student families because they know everything at their student age it is impossible to create a harmonious family. But in Russia they do not know this, and therefore the overwhelming majority of the continuation of student marriage is divorce, fatherlessness.
The main provisions of Islam in relation to love. I.Nasyrov
After reading all the articles and books from this section, we will be convinced even more clearly that the MPCs of drama, romanticism, neuroticism and other isms in the concept of “love” are many times overestimated.
Part III. ECOLOGY OF LOVE CULTURE. Content:
This is a malicious word "love". E. Pushkarev
"Romantic love": aspects, analysis and consequences. E Pushkarev
All articles about romantic love, almost an encyclopedia.
Psychiatric confusion with love in school literature. E. Pushkarev
Consumer society and its antilove essence. E. Pushkarev
The concept of love in polyamory: components of a discourse about multiple love relationships. K. Klesse
The religion of love. R. Precht
Fucked up and hypersexual. R. Precht
War of the sexes. A. Sobolevsky
Love and social subordination of women.
A confused person before the face of love. S. Markov
How to be unloved, or the Factory of love. V. Erofeev
"... when the kiss is over" (about a love story without love) V. Dolinsky
Psychological national emotional security and intellectual security. R. Garifullin
Psychiatric confusion with love in school literature. E. Pushkarev
About Professor Helen Fisher and true love. E. Pushkarev
"Romantic love": aspects, analysis and consequences. E. Pushkarev
Consumer society and its antilove essence. E. Pushkarev
If you eliminate the confusion of love with pseudo-loves. E. Pushkarev
About the destructive influence of the "consumer society" on sexual love. Eh, Fromm
Is a happy marriage possible in the era of the sexual revolution? T. Brykova
What is love, what is romance and what is the difference between them. Robert A. Johnson
One of the basic needs of a modern person is to learn to distinguish between earthly love, which is the basis of any relationship, and romantic love ... Robert A. Johnson
One of the greatest paradoxes of romantic love is that it has nothing to do with earthly relationships. Robert A. Johnson
Romantic love, following its paradoxical nature, constantly fools us. Robert A. Johnson
The evolution of ideas about love and marriage in the last two centuries. V.M. Rosin
Intimacy transformation. Sexuality, love and eroticism in modern societies. A.Giddens
The ideal of romantic love in the "post-romantic era" R. G. Apresyan
Book review: E. Giddens. Transformation of Intimacy. Sexuality, love and eroticism in modern societies. E. Vovk
New European concept of love. V.M. Rosin
Modern love. (1950) P.A. Sorokin
Literature has played a huge role in the love cult. M.O. Menshikov
Superstitions and the truth of love. M.O. Menshikov
Psychological health is a prerequisite for love. E. Pushkarev
Mythopoetic basis of genres of modern mass culture (female love story of cinema melodrama) and advertising discourse. E. Karmalova
Content - analysis of a love story. O. Friedland
Sex shock, or sexual evolution according to Stanislav Lem. V. Beloskov
About sexual differentiation, sex and love in human production. A. Vityazev, G. Borozinets
The phenomenon of unlimited sexual behavior in the historical context of different types of sexual culture. M. Konina, A. Kholmogorova
E. Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet Club "ENLIGHTED LOVE"
Konstantin Borovoy "Prostitution in Russia"
Roman Perin "SEXual relations in a degrading society"
Stepan Petrosyan “Culture of Madness. The problem of the popularity of psychoactive substances "
Wilhelm Reich "Sexual Revolution"
Arsenia Sobolevskiy "Revolution of love or degeneration?"
Sergey Stepanov "Myths and dead ends of pop psychology"
Anna Shadrina "Not married: sex, love and family outside of marriage"
Nina Upton "Love and the French"
"Norms of intimate relationships in Islam"
Guide to the site and the main milestones in the knowledge of love. E. Pushkarev
Sigmund Freud about love. E. Pushkarev
The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.
Briefly about love. E. Pushkarev
Man and woman: compatibility, love. E. Pushkarev
Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev
Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev
Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.
Manifestation of love in the intimate life of spouses. E. Whit, G. Patkins
and also sections: