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On self-love or the reason for unhappy love for another ... E Pushkarev

Google Translate Automated Translation - Original Text

The cause of unhappy love for another is unhappy self-love.
V.Levi

You yourself, more than anyone else in the entire universe, deserve your love and devotion.
Buddha.

Whom to love? Whom to believe?
Who won't betray us one?
Who measures everything, measures all speeches
Helpfully for our yardstick?
Who does not sow slander about us?
Who cares for us?
To whom is our vice not a problem?
Who will never get bored?
A vain seeker of a ghost.
Works in vain without ruining,
Love yourself.
Honorable reader!
Worthy Item: Nothing
More dear, surely it is not.
A.S. Pushkin

The interview with Volodya Asimov from the Na - Na group went briskly and cheerfully. He willingly, with humor, with sufficient sincerity, answered the correspondent's questions. The questions were different and difficult, and simple, but the answers followed instantly, the experience was felt. But the question: "Do you love yourself?" He puzzled Volodya more than others, the question turned out to be uncomfortable for him, it seems that he sensed some kind of trick in it and began from afar, at length, about the love of art in itself, about a sense of duty, collectivism. A direct answer to this question for Volodya turned out to be overwhelming.

For him, like most Russians, this topic is not developed. For a long time we were taught to love the party, the Motherland, the collective, nature. There have always been many questions in love between a man and a woman, there are fewer answers, but they write a lot about this, make films, sing songs. But the question of self-love was often left on the sidelines and was even considered something not very decent. For the most complete disclosure of the meaning of this concept, we will again use the ancient Greek term "philia" and the verb from it - "filion" - "get closer, make friends, love." This is the kind of love in which friendship with oneself is clearly presented as the main component.

Love for one's neighbor is limited by how much each person loves himself.
Aurelius Augustine (IV century)

The famous Italian philosopher Francesco Patrizi (16th century) argued that all types of love are based on "philacy" - self - love.

The Bible teaches: "Love your neighbor as yourself." But psychologists who study the phenomenon of love have revealed such a pattern that the feeling of self-love is a determining factor on a person's ability to love his neighbor, distant, homeland and party. Therefore, from a psychological point of view, the biblical truth would sound like this: "If you truly love yourself, only then are you able to love another." And if you do not love your neighbor, then you have some kind of problem in the feeling of love for yourself, correct them and the reaction to this will be full love for your neighbor.
A person's love for himself is a prerequisite for his existence as a person and, therefore, a condition for any other love. Self-love is that primary school of love, without mastering elementary literacy, in which “high universities” of love remain inaccessible. “A person who loves only one person and does not love“ his neighbor, ”writes E. Fromm,“ actually wants to obey or dominate, but not love. In addition, if someone believes that he loves his neighbor, but does not love himself, this proves that love for his neighbor is not genuine. Love is based on affirmation and respect, and if a person does not experience these feelings in relation to himself - after all, after all, I am also a human being and also a neighbor - then they do not exist at all. "

Love for others and love for yourself are not alternatives. On the contrary, the self-love attitude will be found in all who are capable of loving others.
E. Fromm

Much has been perverted in our life, first of all, our natural relationship with ourselves - trusting, respectful and caring - has been violated. We ceased to like ourselves, which resulted in a general compensatory development of pride and arrogant complacency.
Professor K. Selchenok.

The idea that love for people also implies love for oneself, and that love for oneself implies love for people, seems to be as old as man himself. “Loving people does not mean excluding oneself,” says the ancient Chinese treatise Mo Tzu, “(love for) oneself also includes love for people. (The one who has love for people) is also included in the object of love, therefore love for people extends to the most loving people (for he is also a person). You need to love yourself and other people equally. " "... No one can love another," wrote Erasmus of Rotterdam, "if he did not love himself before," but only righteously. "
Someone who is disdainful of himself is incapable of either loving or appreciating another. One must learn to understand oneself in order to gain the ability to understand others, and at the same time, without understanding others, it is impossible to understand oneself. The same is the case with love: in order to love others, one must love oneself and, therefore, others in oneself, but in order to love oneself, one must love others and thus oneself in them.
Self-love is the opposite of selfishness, with which it is sometimes mistakenly identified. Selfishness, or selfishness, is a greedy attention to oneself, arising from a lack of love for oneself, a preference for one's own interests over the interests of all other people. In essence, selfishness, which makes a person uncritical, vain and lonely, humiliates and weakens him, while love imparts greater independence - primarily from his own weaknesses and vices, makes a person harmonious, stronger and happier. Self-love not only constitutes a person as a person, but is also a means of a deeper disclosure of abilities.
"I love myself" means "I love myself as a person, as a person, just like any other person." Permeated with reason, self-love elevates a person, makes him equal to any other person. It was not by chance that VS Soloviev evaluated love as "the real abolition of egoism" and "the real justification and salvation of individuality." “Love is more than rational consciousness, but without it, it could not act as a saving inner force that elevates rather than abolishes individuality. Only thanks to rational consciousness can a person distinguish himself, i.e. your true individuality, from your selfishness. Therefore, sacrificing this egoism, surrendering himself to love, he finds in it not only living, but also life-giving strength and does not lose, along with his egoism, his individual being, but on the contrary, perpetuates it. "

But 3. Freud describes self-love from the point of view of psychiatry, and for him self-love is narcissism, libido directed at oneself.

To clarify the concept of "self-love" use the following definition.
Self-love is a high degree of both emotional and rational positive attitude towards oneself, acting as a personified, positive feeling of unconditional approval, acceptance, desire, forgiveness. A weak expression of self-love is - sympathy (Greek, internal disposition)

By doing for yourself and for yourself, you will certainly contribute to the spread of efforts and their results in your environment, the limits of which in fact turn out to be much greater than those which we habitually consider our own.
Professor K. Selchenok

In psychology, repeated attempts have been made to study the internal structure of the feeling of love as a whole, its individual components with different personality characteristics. The most important thing was that self-love: it has a decisive effect on the ability to love other people, significantly affects somatic health, the more disorganized self-love, the more functional deviations and health disorders.
The defining moment for the feeling of self-love is the amount of mental and physical attention, affection, tenderness received by the child in the first years of life, especially from the mother.
Love stands at the very origins of a person's existence - his mental security and poise, his ability and even talents are laid from the first days by mother's love. A person deprived of this love, who grew up in an indifferent, alienated atmosphere, is bad for the rest of his life - he feels lonely, even if surrounded by a large family and friends, he acutely feels the uncomfortableness, disorder of his life, the dangerous fragility of the world around him. One example of underestimated self-love.

From a letter to the Club. "Hello! My name is Alina, I am 24 years old. I really need help. My relationships with men are like a ridiculous dream. I lived with one for 3 years, and all this time I desperately fought his drunkenness, periodically received beatings, but I could not quit, I regretted it (he constantly threatened to commit suicide). I was able to break off relations only when there was a real threat to life, and then after 5 years, I solve his problems with girls, help with money, listen and calm him down.

I dated the 2nd for 4 years (they knew each other from childhood, he is 3 years younger than me). For a long time I could not decide on the development of relations, referring to age and problems with housing. Then I offered to live with my parents (very powerful people), I refused and he initiated a break with the wording: she is to blame, I no longer need it, the age difference, I got problems, I want new sensations.

When we met, she also helped him, listened, supported in relations with parents and friends, often paid for two when he had money problems. For half a year I was very worried about the breakup, I wanted to put it in my hands or go to a monastery, but thought better of it in time.

I recently met a person 10 years older than me. Doctor, divorced. She quickly became his mistress (I admit: she hurried). Soon he began to disappear, called about once every 2 weeks, called to him, and then disappeared again. He said that he was ill (supposedly a tumor) while leading a riotous lifestyle. I didn’t ask for an explanation, I was just there when he wanted to.

It all ended with a request to lend him a large sum of money (for examination). I had to refuse, and the man disappeared altogether. Now I am tormented by doubts about the correctness of my decision, but I do not want to call myself. The realization that I was simply used is humiliating. Men are already openly afraid. And I constantly feel guilty. What am I doing wrong? How to avoid such situations? "

Few of us entered adulthood without any psychological trauma. But now, having matured, we must see things as they really were. Our parents were not omnipotent, wise, omnipotent and omnipotent, as they seemed to us in childhood, but ordinary people with normal abilities and simple human weaknesses. They had their own difficulties, which were not too different from our problems. The mistakes of our parents were passed on to us, but if we do not want them to be passed on to our children, we need to correct them as much as possible in ourselves.

Self-love is not something shapeless, white, fluffy, pure, amorphous. This is a specific psychosocial entity that has formal and substantive aspects. It is a feeling that has eyes, ears, past and future. This feeling is not only understood, but also controlled and developed. Let us consider this feeling from the standpoint of the phenomena of "desire" and "sincerity."

At the end of the 19th century. American philosopher and psychologist William James in his work "Principles of Psychology" described the "formula for self-love", or "the formula for self-esteem" (for him, these concepts were synonymous). Its formula is a fraction, in the numerator of which is our achievements, and in the denominator - claims, the place in life for which we claim. When the fraction is less than one, we feel like failures. According to James, self-love is a feeling that arises when there is little difference between our claims and real achievements.

While it is inevitable that self-love in every person should be positive and active, it is by no means inevitable and absolutely unnecessary for it to rule over them.
Theophilus Parsons XIX century.

We always wish and want a lot, which is quite natural and legal. But not always everything turns out exactly the way we ourselves want it - not always we can get everything entirely or realize it all at once. Any achievement requires work of mind and body. Mastery implies the need for research and training.

With one need, we need to try, strive, try and insist on the correctness of our own desires, with another, we must be critical of our desires, because the sources of desires can be pride, laziness, arrogance, anger, hatred. It is necessary to own a skill, to filter desires to determine its source.

But in any case, once a desire has appeared in our psyche, it means that it testifies to the identification of a certain side of our deep nature, which means that it must somehow be understood, accepted and realized, because in this realization we will show real respect for our own nature.

If we just ignore desire, then it can provoke stress, conflict. It is interesting to unearth the reasons for your desires and, like an experienced detective, literally track down their origins in order to adequately respond to them.

It's still important, I have a desire or a desire has me.

We highly value sincerity in others, even if it does not flatter us. The openness of the neighbor guarantees a certain higher security. In frankness, there is a certain deep willingness to cooperate. The trust underlying sincerity is precious, and therefore it is somehow always calmer with it. But most of all we need sincerity in front of ourselves.

Being sincere with oneself is not an easy problem. Example: an episode from the story "Roadside Picnic" by the Strugatsky brothers. When one of the stalkers asked the Zone for the fulfillment of his greatest wish - health, for his sick son, the Zone gave him a bag of money. Because the stalker's desire to have a lot of money was long-standing, old and large, surpassing the desire for health for his son, which he did not even think about.

Therefore, first you need to achieve sincerity with yourself and place thoughts, dreams, desires, attractions, fantasies, whims in their places and never confuse them in life. Doctor of psychological sciences, professor Rudolf Zagainov says that this problem is not quite simple: “Unlike people with a“ Western ”mentality, who willingly make contact and honestly tell the psychologist about their concerns, our person is either completely closed, or“ disguised. " That is, he gives out information about himself in the form of a version, speaking not only as an interlocutor, but also as a lawyer. The most problematic in the mentality of our person is a pathological tendency to insincerity, the fear of telling the truth about oneself. Lies at every step, life in the aura of a legend about your past, always your own point of view on the present, the fog of the future ... "

The biggest enemy of the truth is not a lie, even the most deliberate, inventive and shameless, but a myth - familiar, touching and unrealistic.
John F. Kennedy

If a person lives "with a king in his head", if he himself better than anyone else understands his own inner life and regularly checks his own desires, from time to time doing a general cleaning of his soul and building his desires according to the ranking, then no one else will occupy him the rightful leading place in his own inner world is not able to. In order for no stranger to settle in your brain, you must reign in it yourself, and reign with wisdom and love.

We all have committed unrighteous deeds, for which we are ashamed even now. In the light of a harmonious feeling of self-love, let us use the wise expression from the Holy Scripture: "There are no bad people, there are bad deeds." Those. I love myself, but I hate that trick, and it is out of love for myself that I will never repeat it, thereby confirming and strengthening this feeling.

The first is me, the second is my wife, the third is the children, parents and other relatives, friends, the fourth is everyone else.
Psychotherapist, MD. M.E. Litvak

The main enemies of love are pride and laziness. How can you talk about full-fledged love for yourself and at the same time yourself a loved one, suppress, "break" with "unearthly, addictive love"? The feeling of self-love is a positive, all-encompassing feeling, it cannot be replaced by ersatz - "unearthly joy."

In one of the songs of Christina Orbakaite there are words:
I am walking through the city alone
I'm probably too proud.

“Too proud” so imperceptibly positive pride turns into the biggest Christian sin - pride.

Excerpt from the confession of a colleague: “Everything that I learned in the class about earthly love is so clear and clear that I just wonder why no one has explained it to me before?

After all, both at school and from other books they constantly repeated to me about great, bright love. Just don't miss her. And when I met Vitya, I decided that this was a great feeling. I am sorry that I exhausted myself and my mother so many nerves. If I had known all this from childhood, I would never have been tormented so much. If I had known earlier, then I would have got rid of this stupidity earlier. " This passage can be considered a benchmark in the test of full-fledged self-love. If you learned all about the dangers of mania and ignored it, then self-love is flawed. If she reacted like the quoted comrade-in-arms, then love is full.

Of course, self-love is inherent in every person, regardless of the fact that he himself says: "I do not love myself." This, most likely, comes from the inability to objectively assess this feeling than from its presence.

If an adherent to heavy falling in love has learned that this is a neurotic disorder, but still cannot decide to end it, he needs to develop self-love and determination will increase. This is done with the help of psychotechnics.

A person who does not love himself is a person who fights on two fronts. He needs to suppress internal discontent, reproaches, laziness, claims and still be ready to resist external difficulties.

If you love yourself, you love each person as much as you love yourself. If you love another person less than yourself, then in reality you have not succeeded in loving yourself, but if you love everyone equally, including yourself, you will love them as one person, and this person is also God. and man. Therefore, he is a great and righteous person who, loving himself, loves all others equally.
Theologian and philosopher M. Eckhart (1260-1327)

If you have a desire or need to further develop a feeling of self-love, then every day you should remind yourself of the best that you find in yourself, of your positive characteristics, of your best qualities. Yes, this approach contradicts the experience of your previous life, in which your dignity was constantly decreasing. You need to respect yourself and build self-confidence. During the day, you should remind yourself of your merits and talents at least ten times and compliment yourself as many times.

Make a list of your talents, abilities, good deeds you've done, and less humility. While rereading this list, try to remember every day, maybe you have forgotten some of your dignity, a good deed.

This is just an example:
I like what gift I made to my mother in 4th grade for March 8th.
I like that I became the winner of the Physics Olympiad in the 8th grade.
I like that I am an optimist.
I like that I am prudent.
I love that I have no feeling of envy at all.
I like that in critical situations I can concentrate and achieve my goal.
(Although in less responsible everyday situations I happen, give up, retreat in front of completely surmountable difficulties - I will improve)
I love that in my life I have made the very minimum of major mistakes.
I love that every morning I willingly pour myself cold water.
I love that many years ago I stopped poisoning myself with tobacco and alcohol.
I love that I have lost 15 kg irrevocably. excess weight.
I'm great for not taking part in the squabbles that sometimes arise at work.
Well done, I gave way to an elderly man with a stick yesterday on the bus.
If I see the children breaking a tree, I will definitely come up and scold them extremely strictly. Etc.

All friendships arise from the relationship with oneself, by extension to others.
Aristotle

Once you've mastered the self-compliment technique, you can take the next step. Now you will praise yourself for something that is not yet in your life, some little things prevent this from happening. You can achieve this in the future, and you can start praising yourself with snakes now.
Compose 10 such praises for future success, kind of in advance. And even here, already in this part of the work, very important thoughts can come, do not ignore them, try to implement them. By itself, the positive does not come, it is earned. Puzzled: “What else can I do in the future , what I will praise myself for, what I will be proud of,” such a formulation of thoughts acquire harmony and constructiveness.
In fact, when you yourself positively evaluate, do yourself reward praise, you become self-sustaining once a person independent of the force majeure.
Another technique for increasing self-love could be the following.
Art criticism distinguishes this kind of creativity as naive and joyful primitivism. "Out-of-place joy" experienced by hard lovers can be called just that. An adult is too serious about himself, and about life itself, he just lacks this very naive and joyful primitivism. Therefore, in everyday worries, one should not forget to enjoy life, to enjoy oneself, who I am, and to encourage oneself for this. One of the companies producing dairy products calls: "Take pleasure in yourself and let the whole world wait." Take advantage of this advice, every day arrange for yourself a few "five minutes" of naive-joyful primitivism and let the whole world wait. They are needed for our psyche as vitamins for the body.
Do you receive letters with questions to the Club? how to determine if I love myself? What is it: to love yourself? Answers to these and similar questions can be found in the advice of the American psychotherapist F. Porat:
- Accept yourself as you are.
- Accept yourself as you want to be.
- Make positive change whenever you are able to do it.
- Love your image, your image: your body, the manner of looking, moving, dressing, walking, dancing, talking, laughing, crying.
- Respect your body, your life and your choices in this life.
- Be "positively selfish": love yourself no more, but no less than other people, while realizing that you are a "one of a kind" person, there is no other like that on earth.
- Respect your time: time is life.
- Allow yourself to be who you are. It is your responsibility to make yourself happy.
- Learn to make decisions and implement them.
- Don't expect someone to give you back your self-respect. Only you can handle it yourself!

Self-love is not an essence that, while developing, can oust something else, valuable from the personality. It is one of the essential components of the connecting foundation of the personality.
In scientific terms, self-love does not have a clear enough elaboration, it is mainly from the field of pop psychology. There is self-love, and there is self-love, and a lot has been written about both, but try to find the line between these feelings yourself. Therefore, whoever wants to work on this issue, you can use a less loud, but more specific "sympathy for yourself." In V. Stolin's self-attitude questionnaire there is a self-acceptance scale. Self-worth is congruent with self-acceptance. The scale of self-acceptance is based on a feeling of sympathy for oneself, agreement with one's inner motives, acceptance of oneself, even with some shortcomings. The factor is associated with a friendly attitude towards oneself, approval of one's plans and desires. Reflects not only the acceptance of his image of "I" as a person, but also the acceptance of accompanying his assessment of emotions, expressed in a sense of satisfaction or dissatisfaction with it.

Success brings new success, and you've already excelled in many areas. The more you feel the energy emanating from these previous victories, the more you attract external success to yourself. Therefore, make such lists. Feed your brain. Work vigorously. Live actively. Never belittle your merits. Never stop believing in yourself.
John Lennon

E. Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet Club "ENLIGHTED LOVE"


This is one of the chapters of the book "LOVE! GOOD OR EVIL? Psychological dimensions.
This page is from the section "The Psychology of Love".

Articles related to the same topic:

Psychological health is a prerequisite for love. E. Pushkarev

"ABOUT LOVE FOR YOURSELF" from John Powell's book "HOW TO STAY IN LOVE"

"ABOUT DIALOGUE" from John Powell's book "HOW TO STAY IN LOVE"

Love and selfishness.

The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.

What is love. E. Pushkarev

Briefly about love. E. Pushkarev

Falling in love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: compatibility, love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev

Psychology of love. E. Pushkarev

Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.

Purposeful development of personality: what can be changed in oneself. V. Odintsov

The concept of intrapersonal conflict, its features and classification. N. Loban

Resolution of intrapersonal conflict.

In our library of books and videos (which can be downloaded for free): "Love, family, sex and about ..." nearly 1500 storage units. There is a whole collection of books by famous authors "WORLD OF HUMAN PROBLEMS",

As well as books from sections

Psychological health is a prerequisite for love.

"My own psychologist":

Liz Burbo "Your body says" Love yourself! "

Yulia Sviyash “Time to love yourself. The one you are "

which will help you figure out and solve your problems.

You can learn about the variety of the indicated problem from the letters that came to the Club

Hello everyone. I read a lot of your articles and letters, I wanted to speak, maybe my advice will help someone. There was a lot of love and hard feelings in my life, even climb the wall. What saved me was that I became a real bitch. I closed myself under the mask of a bitch, and I felt better, in any case, it's better than drinking !!! The state of bitchiness came to me because of the resentment, the pain that this freak caused me. Then it let me go, but in this state it was easier for me to get over what had happened (my boyfriend left me before the wedding in just a month, and throughout the entire time that we met - a year and a half, he constantly remembered about the ex, in the end he left for her) !!! And I opened my heart and soul to him and the rest, I regretted it. And when he left, there was no one to feel sorry for me.
Therefore, dear women, do not despair and just live, enjoy life, you have one, and no one will thank you for wasting it on tears because of unhappy love !!!
And use these freaks for your own pleasure, if they are not suitable for anything else. Vika

Hello. I don't even know which problem to start with, there are so many of them.
First of all, I am terribly insecure, and this insecurity manifests itself in absolutely everything, both in work and in my personal life. At work, it always seems to me that I am doing everything wrong, that the bosses are dissatisfied with me, although at the same time I myself see that my opinion is always taken into account and people are interested in it, they always praise me, but this still does not save me from my insecurity. In personal life, everything is completely awful, you can say and never have a normal relationship. Men do not perceive me as a girl, only as a friend. Hang out, chat, there are no problems with this, but closer, no way. The relationships that have always existed were at a distance, between cities. From the very beginning of my acquaintance, I do not trust the person very much, I consider myself worse, I can’t fix it in any way, I immediately start thinking that nothing will work out and naturally the result is not far off. The men leave. The last relationship was also very difficult for me, I could not figure out whether I needed this person. When I was around, I was always going to leave and thought that I didn’t need him, I couldn’t relax and just enjoy what I was. When we were far from each other, I just went crazy. After we parted, I had a terrible nervous breakdown, lost a lot of weight, cried every day. Then we once again tried to mend relations on his initiative, but this did not last long. It was my fault, I tried to explain that nothing good would come out of our communication with meetings once a month, because we didn't even have anything to talk about.
I wrote all this in a letter, because it is very difficult to talk to a young man, but he did not even answer. Six months have passed since then and no one new has appeared in my life. Against the backdrop of the crisis, I lost my job, had to leave for another city all alone. I don't have any here at all. I didn't manage to make friends, at work almost everyone is much older than me, and there is no desire to go somewhere alone. All communication remained only by phone. After the move, I began to cry very often, it seems to me that no one needs me and there will be nothing good in my life. That I will remain alone forever. And the other day I found out that a former young man is getting married and everything in my head is just crazy. Although I understand with my head that nothing really would have worked out for us, but the emotions are just going through the roof. Constant tears, headaches, I feel terrible. I don't feel like eating at all. Considering that I am a very shy person, I often blush, I understand that it is very difficult for me to build a new relationship, and that I will not have a loved one or a family. I am very much afraid of loneliness, I constantly think that this is how I will live forever. All friends with families, they have no time for me. The desire for life has simply disappeared, nothing interests me. I don't know how to get out of this state, and the worst thing is that there is no particular desire to do something for this. There is also a constantly pressing feeling of guilt that I am doing everything wrong, that my parents pin their hopes on me, and I do not justify them. Dina.

I am 30 years old. I am divorced. I have a good job. And there are also certain incomes. Outwardly pretty nice. From time to time I meet with men, but these relationships do not become long-term. I always try to be not burdensome for my partner, not to call again, not to look for meetings, since I am in order with money, I do not need financial support either. I can't understand what the problem is, why can't a woman be a permanent partner without problems and with a good sexual appetite? Elvira

Two similar letters

Hello Evgeny. I don’t know where to start.
For 10 years of my life together, I have never cheated on him, never thought about other men. Accepted him with all his flaws. Became what he wanted. He needed comfort, a delicious dinner: I learned how to cook well, there was always order in the house. He needed a hostess and a caring mother for our child - I quit my job and became a housewife. He wanted me to be defenseless and weak and got what he wanted. For me, he has always been the best, smartest, strongest and sexiest. I always thought that this person can always be relied on, that we will live our whole life together.
He is my Perfection. He's gone, and I don't want another man. Most importantly, he doesn't need me, either good or bad. Those. no matter how I change, he has no interest in me. I tried to change even before he left, but I met only aggression in response. I started playing sports - it’s bad, I wanted to go to work - in return I don’t need a wife who would work. I got a new haircut - an idiotic haircut. For whatever it takes - a crooked grin. Probably another would have sent him to hell, but I need him. I want to grow and develop, but not without him, but with him and for him. Probably my mistake is that I dissolved in it and lost my individuality: So what should I do now?
Regards, Zina

Good afternoon. Our relationship began very difficult, but I was so much in love. In order to maintain a relationship with my beloved, I began to change. In every acute conflict situation, being faced with a choice "either-or", he made a decision in favor of maintaining the relationship. I have changed. Nothing bad, immoral was required of me: I became calmer, more balanced, learned to leave and not throw out the burden of negativity, stopped crawling with advice, help, inquiring about the reasons for sadness, stopped organizing universal crises due to the cancellation of dates on her initiative without "respectful reasons "... In short, it became more normal. I found additional interests (I entered the institute again for the second higher education, sports).
However ... I'm not sure if I want this relationship to continue. I just stopped taking a keen interest in her life and the desire to share intimate things. She herself is glad, proud of how much I love her (?), That I have become almost a different person. But does this other love her ... Ilya. November 25

This page is from the section "The Psychology of Love".

Эрих Фромм

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По моей книге уже с 2010 года обучают студентов по Программе дисциплины – «Психология любви»

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Из книги вы узнаете: любовь между мужчиной и женщиной исключительно положительное чувство. А очень похожая влюбленность с любовью никак не связана. А недоброкачественная влюбленность - мания, она же "наркоманическая любовь", "сверхизбирательная любовь" "folle amore" (безумная любовь (ит.) не только никакого отношения к любви не имеет, а и совсем болезненное расстройство.

А научиться их различать не так уж и сложно.

У человека нет врожденного дара, отличать любовь от влюбленностей, других

псевдолюбовных состояний это можно сделать только овладев знаниями.

Жизнь удалась

Примеры настоящей любви

Пара влюбленных

Драматичные влюбленности известных людей, которые не сделали их счастливыми