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Introduction. E. Pushkarev

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In Russian, the term love is used to describe a wide range of feelings that are far from each other. We talk about erotic love and love as the pinnacle of a moral attitude towards a person, love for truth and fried potatoes, love for goodness and lying on the couch, love as spiritual pleasure and seeds, love for power and pouring cold water, etc. Also distinguished are romantic, chivalrous, platonic, brotherly, parental, charismatic, etc. There is love-passion and love-pity, love-need, and love-gift, love for one's neighbor and love for a distant one, etc. When listing the varieties of love, there is a feeling that there is no such single plane on which it would be possible to place them all, there is no common, homogeneous space in which they could meet.

"Love is everything, and it affects everything, and everything can be said about it, and everything can be attributed to it."
D. Bruno, XVI century


In order to fully imagine the entire range of the concept of "love", we will use the classification system proposed by Doctor of Philosophy Professor A.A. Ivin.
"The simplest and, as it seems, natural ordering of them is the representation of the entire field of love in the form of a series of "steps" or a series of "circles". Each of the circles includes in some way close types of love, and the movement from the core to the periphery is subject to certain principles.
Following the classical pattern, let us single out nine such "circles" leading from erotic love through love for one's neighbor, love for a person, etc. love for truth, for goodness, etc. and further to the love of power, wealth, etc. It is clear that the circle here is nothing more than an image.
The first "circle of love" should, apparently, include erotic (sexual) love and love for oneself. "Human love," notes E. Gilson, necessarily begins with selfishness, love for oneself and carnal love. These types of love are the paradigm of all love, regardless of its subject, their traces can be found in almost every form". It is noteworthy that when the word "love" occurs without any further definitions, there can be no doubt: we are talking about erotic love.
The second "circle of love" is love for one's neighbor. It includes love for children, parents, brothers and sisters, family members, etc.
The third "circle of love" is love for every other person, regardless of any further definitions. In the fourth "circle of love" - love for the motherland, love for life, love for God, etc.
The fifth "circle of love" is love for nature, and in particular cosmic love.

The sixth "circle" is love for truth, love for good, love for beauty, love for justice, etc.
The seventh "circle" - love for freedom, love for creativity, love for fame, love for power, love for wealth, love for "law and order", etc.
The eighth "circle" - love of the game, love of communication, love of collecting, collecting, love of entertainment, constant novelty, love of travel, etc.
And, finally, the last, ninth "circle", which, in fact, is no longer a "circle of love" - craving for food, addiction to foul language, etc.
First of all, as the distance from the center decreases the emotional component of love, the spontaneity and concreteness of this feeling".
This book will only talk about love from the "circle" of the first.

Society treated love differently in different centuries, and accordingly this feeling had a different impact on the fate of people.

History of the culture of love feelings. E. Pushkarev

The 20th century occupies a special place in the history of love. On the one hand, "he brought a rapid" democratization "of romantic love, a sharp acceleration of what can rightfully be called a" revolution of feelings, "writes A.G. Vishnevsky. - Today romantic love is no longer a privilege of the elite, and for millions of people she is not at all what she was before". Love goes beyond the elite circle, embracing significant segments of the population, and becomes available to everyone. Love marriages began to seem more prestigious than a marriage of convenience in almost all segments of the population, in all developed countries.

On the other hand, an all-around boom began. From restraint, the pendulum swung to the other extreme - a thoughtless, exalted worship of the feeling of love. Suffering for the sake of love and obsessive infatuation with a loved one is romanticized in culture, without any help in real life. In popular songs and operas, in classical literature and romances in daily soap operas and in critically acclaimed films, there are countless examples of irresponsible, immature relationships that are somehow praised and considered beautiful.
There are few behaviors in which people treat each other as equals, show maturity and sincerity, and do not try to manipulate or exploit their partner's feelings.
The development of mankind until the twentieth century can be considered as a leisurely walk, and in the twentieth century man began to run, and by the end of the century he ran away so much that he could barely touch the ground. The breakthrough in many fields of science, technology, medicine and genetics turned out to be simply fantastic.

The average lifespan of a humanoid for more than 99% of its existence on the planet was 18 years. In the XXI century. it has been brought in developed countries to almost 80 years (for Russian men to 61). Moreover, the leap has occurred in the last two centuries. This means that man, thanks to his knowledge, "bypassed" nature four times.

And in some problems, a person, on the contrary, began to move away from the main path of development: alcohol, drugs, unhealthy love relationships, extremism and, as a result, many problems and tragedies.

The patriarchal society treated this incomprehensible phenomenon as in the proverb: "You don't know the ford, don't go into the water" and it was right. Young people had an orientation toward the family, toward the traditional social roles performed in it, and now they have become toward the phenomenon of love. There is a certain phenomenon of "love", it is the most important, great, it will take you out of any everyday complexity like a heavy draft. There would be love, and everything else is either an addition to it, or is achieved, overcome with its help.
The attitude to the phenomenon of love, instilled from an early age, confuses, complicates the individual life of young people, deprives it of the clarity and integrity that existed in previous centuries. Young people are in love with the phenomenon of love, having no clear understanding of its boundaries, content and forms.

Love is already a religion. Human love is so clouded by the excessive suffering and experiences of romanticism that we are deprived of the opportunity to treat it the way it deserves.
R. Johnson, Doctor of Psychology
So what is love? What is it? How to distinguish it from all kinds of "copies", "fakes" - and not only to an "outside observer", but to a young person experiencing a certain feeling? Progressive world art, and, above all, literature and drama, have given us many vivid examples of love. But it was mainly love - passion, love - a flash, and moreover, often love separated from marriage (premarital or extramarital love). It manifests the desire of the two sexes for intimacy, for sexual satisfaction. Everything about it is sublime and tragic. It is associated with risk, because it does not have norms developed by civilization, it is not sanctioned by society. It is a feeling that carries with it either fall or death.
Imagine, today - loving looks, white veil, beauty, and a year later - tears, cry from the heart, emptiness. In 1913, out of 95 million Orthodox population, the Synod registered about 4 thousand divorces. By the end of the twentieth century, the country's population had grown by about one and a half times, and the number of divorced marriages - by 240 times! The place where two mighty transcontinental currents collide creates such a whirlpool, such a gigantic funnel, such typhoons, cyclones and tornadoes in the region that the individual fates of men and women rush and tumble in them like insignificant, barely noticeable slivers. But what will happen next as a result of this global rotation?

Humanity will perish from disharmony between men and women.
Doctor of Philosophy. V. Zhirinovsky

relationship tension

By the way, many people think that divorce is the main trouble of the family, but sometimes it’s not a problem, but getting rid of trouble, getting rid of hostility, quarrels, tears and everything that so strongly poisons family life. Divorce is only one indicator of a family crisis. According to data of Doctor of Philosophy. V.M. Rosina: half of young families break up in the first year of life, two thirds - in the first five years, in 70% of families that have not yet broken up, the spouses are in tense relations, they drag the strap of a sad life. These families are the providers of the worst endings to family life. Annually about 14 thousand wives die at the hands of their husbands, more than 6 thousand husbands die at the hands of their wives, this is more than the losses of our army during 9 years of the war in Afghanistan.
In the United States, 40% of murders occur due to family reasons, another 25% of suicides occur with spouses, lovers or rivals in the struggle for the favor of the same person. We do not have such statistics, but there are about the same number of victims.

According to WHO research, a person's inability to survive passion ranks 6th out of 800 reasons for suicide and accounts for about 6%. Based on this pattern, in Russia in 2018 there were 1,320 (total 22,000) suicides, 3.6 per day.

A review of American Suicide Notes says that love is a more common cause of suicide in both sexes than feelings of worthlessness. Every day in India, about ten people kill themselves because of the loss of love - more than from poverty, unemployment or bankruptcy.
L. Young, B. Alexander “The Chemistry of Love. A scientific view of love, sex and attraction". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

... the first place among all human misfortunes (wars, diseases, epidemics, natural and other disasters) is confidently held by love and family troubles. Life has shown for more than the first millennium that this area of our being is the most uncontrollable, the most unpredictable and insidious, the most cruel and fraught with injuries and tragedies.
Psychotherapist V. Levy

Acquainted with the tragic love statistics, it is recalled that the very first known goddess of love in history was Ishtar from the Sumerian-Akkadian epic (more than 4 thousand years ago), the goddess of love and war, strife at the same time. Not far from the culture of civilized countries in matters of love has gone during this time, if until now inter-sex love, strife, war are united in one concept.

History of the culture of love feelings. E. Pushkarev

And here is another paradox of love. Perm sociologist Z. Feinburg found out that among the 15 thousand families he surveyed, 70 - 80% (in different social groups in different ways) marry for heart desire, 15 - 20% - according to the template ("everyone gets married and I have to go") and 3 to 10% - by calculation.
According to polls (USA, 1991) by William Kefart, 86% of men and 91% of women are not ready to marry without love.

is a graph of the ratio of married for love and for convenience There are coinciding statistics of married “for love” and “for convenience” by Z. Feinburg and Indian psychologists Usha Gupta and Pushpa Singh (Usha Gupta & Pushpa Singh, 1982) ... Those who married for love noted the extinction of love feelings if their marriage lasted more than five years. On the other hand, those who married for convenience indicated that the feeling of love increased in comparison with the feeling that they experienced when they were newlyweds. On the graph made by Usha Gupta and Pushpa Singh, the vertical line is "the power of love", the horizontal is the age of marriage.

Doctor of Psychology, Doctor of Philosophy. n. S. Kovalev believes that family unions concluded through a dating service are several times more stable than love marriages.

S. Kovalev “Psychotherapy of personal history. Psychotechnology of changing the past and creating the future ”. The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

This data turns our traditional understanding of the quality and influence of feelings in the creation of a family upside down. It turns out that love is not at all a guarantee of family happiness, or the fact that those entering into marriage consider love is not at all such?
Is it possible to introduce some kind of borders, borders, inside which it is love, and outside it is no longer?

How to distinguish love from falling in love and other pseudo-lovers. E. Pushkarev

During the rehearsal, Igor Sorin, the former soloist of "Ivanushki ..." went out onto the balcony (6th floor) to smoke, and threw himself out, he was 29 years old (4.09.98).
Soon after that, a ninth-grader, a Muscovite Nastya Volkova climbed to the staircase of the 6th floor, opened a window and threw herself, crashed to her death. In her suicide note, Nastya wrote: "After Igor's death, life lost all meaning." After Igor's suicide, 5 more girls all over Russia committed suicide.
The feeling that Nastya and five other girls felt for Igor is love or not?
Raoul de Roussy de Seims notes: "It turns out that America is the only country in the world where love is a national issue. It seems that a huge number of Americans of both sexes are in a state of confusion about love." Nothing of the kind in this same confusion, Russia is not far behind America.
There is even such a phenomenon as "Russian love", this is when for a long time a woman experiences a strong love feeling for a man who does not reciprocate, does not react to this feeling. 20% of Muscovites do not marry, they are waiting for someone who meets their ideal of love, and half of them do not marry precisely because of "Russian love".
The cult of love has given rise to many social problems, the biggest of which is that the foundations of the family have been shaken. All these negative processes are taking place in Christian, so-called civilized countries, and in Muslim countries, Indochina, on the African continent, either the "love revolution" has not yet reached, or the traditional way of life is strenuously opposed to it.

Family statistics.

But sages and scientists, both of previous centuries and modern ones, without unnecessary enthusiasm, gave more sober definitions, warning society from a thoughtless attitude to love.
Mark Tullius Cicero: "... For if there is love in the world - and it is! - then it is not far from madness"
Ancient Roman poet Lucretius Carus: "Lovers are like madmen, they do not see the obvious and manage to see the non-existent."
Back in the XI century. the famous Avicenna - Abu Ali Ibn Sina recognized "too strong love" as a disease, he was engaged in the healing of young men who melted from unhappy love, lost sleep and appetite. G. Toro: "You must be afraid of violent love just like hatred. When love is strong, it is always clear and calm."
V.S. Soloviev: "The problem of love was not only not posed correctly, but it was not and is not posed at all; they do not look at love as a problem, but only as a given fact, a state (normal for some, painful for others) that a person is experiencing, but which does not oblige him to anything, especially since this state is always temporary". Zinaida Gippius in her article "On Love" writes: "The first step towards the successful solution of any problem is a conscious and correct formulation of it; but the problem of love has never been consciously posed, and therefore never solved properly."

Misconceptions that contain some truth are the most dangerous.
A Smith

Pope John Paul II in 1959 wrote the book "Love and Responsibility" in which he writes: "Love is a concept accessible to human thought."

Love is an expression of the deepest, most intimate truth about a person, therefore, the mutual attraction of a man and a woman, the marital act is not a purely biological phenomenon, because it affects the very essence of human existence.
John Paul II

Erich Fromm: "A superficial and lightweight attitude to love is demonstrated by a huge number of "consumer films" about happy and unhappy love, as well as low-quality songs about love, from which the mass consumer draws uncomplicated information. love, few people have an idea of "true love", not knowing how to distinguish it from fake love. "Nowadays in the West, it is considered" fashionable love at the source - a sudden surging feeling, emotional spontaneity, unbridled passion, most often excluding responsibility, human seriousness, spiritual and moral kinship and mutual understanding between partners. Despite the fact that everyone is burning with a "passionate desire for love", practically in the consumer society almost everything is considered more important than love: success, prestige, money, power; all energy is spent on achieving these goals, and almost nothing is done to learn the art of love".

The song is still not accurate: "Don't talk about love, everything is said about it:" Not everything! Too many, but not all.

The greatest contribution to the confusion, overheating the concept of "love" was made by poets and writers. Huge mountains of amorous literature were written.

Love is everything ... And that's all we know about it.
Emily Dickinson

Love is terrible, merciless, it is monstrous. Love is tender. Love is airy. Love is inexpressible and inexplicable ...
K.D. Balmont

“Love is a gift from God and it must be perceived as such. It's like a thunderer god - throws lightning bolts".
L. Zhukhovitsky.

But already in the 19th century, the philosopher M.O. Menshikov writes about "the cult of love ...", ".. love affair corrupts sexual feelings", by the middle of the twentieth century, the traditionalist philosopher Y. Evola writes about "The tyranny of love and sex ...".

By the end of the twentieth century, Doctor of Psychology R. A. Johnson writes that "romantic love" is already turning religion ... ". And the result is a modern amorous - erotic chimera, which Dr. E. Giddens called "confluent love".

What is confluent love "? V. Shapovalov

Philosophers lagged behind poets and writers in amorous contradictions.

N. Berdyaev: “Love is tragic in this world and does not allow improvement, does not obey any norms. Love promises those who love death in this world, and not the dispensation of life. And the greatest thing in love, that which preserves its mysterious holiness, is the renunciation of any life perspective, the sacrifice of life. All creativity demands this sacrifice, requires sacrifice and creative love. Life improvement, family improvement is the grave of love. Sacrificial death in life and puts the stamp of eternity on love. Love is closer, more intimate, deeper connected with death than with birth, and this connection, guessed by the poets of love, is the guarantee of its eternity. The deep opposite of love and procreation. "

"About love" ... you can neither theologize, nor moralize, nor sociologize, nor biologize, it is outside all this, it is not "of this world", it is not a local flower that is dying in the midst of this world".

V.V. Rozanov: “... Love is not fire at all (often defined), love is air. Without it there is no breathing, but with it "it is easy to breathe."

The same position is supported by an obvious supporter of romantic love Doctor of Social Sciences. S. Samygin: “Various sciences: philosophy, psychology, history and others are trying to give a person definitions, boundaries of love. Are they needed? In psychology, various stages and names of love are distinguished. People read and compare: a year ago we had love-passion, and now love-friendship. Our relationship has moved from stage two to stage three. Do you need classifications, stages, parameters for love, will it become easier if you know at what stage to get married, and at what stage to get divorced or give birth to children? It is unlikely that a large number of people become happier when, with the help of tests and definitions, they find out at what stage love is <...> The world will lose a lot if we give clear definitions of feelings and emotions ”.

Poets, writers, philosophers contradicted each other so much that it is easier to find a statement refuting the statement of the previous thinker than to understand it.

Sayings about love. Whom to believe?

And also, the position of poets, writers, philosophers can be characterized using the well-known parable of the elephant. When the blind men approached the elephant: one felt the trunk and said: "The elephant is a rope," the other felt the body and said: "The elephant is a barrel," and so on. And their logic is the complete opposite of this parable, they are all amorous - erotic drives that have no essential connection, pushed into one concept "Love".

This is a malicious word "love". E. Pushkarev

It's also like combining a snake, a hedgehog, a walrus, a swift into one animal species just because they have the letter "g" in their designation, and then start studying it. In their attitude to love, they have the principle “before exploring it, what is simple, it is necessary to overcomplicate, overheat with drama, overload with existentialism and eclecticism,” and only after that the feeling becomes worthy of their consideration.

... love is not only love, but also freedom, and truth, and beauty, and goodness, and justice. And when a person loves, he not only loves - he gains some kind of freedom, obtains some kind of beauty, does some kind of good, comprehends some kind of truth.
by Yu.B. Ryurikov "Three drives". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

... you can neither theologize, nor moralize, nor sociologize, nor biologize, it (love) is outside all this, it is not "of this world", it is not a local flower dying in the midst of this world.

Modern philosophers are also filled with doubts:
"The ontological uncertainty of love is so great that there is no unambiguous answer even to the question of whether it exists in principle."
D.philos.n V.V. Afanasyeva

"... the multidimensionality and complexity of the phenomenon of love demonstrates the inconsistency of any attempt at an adequate and comprehensive explication in the considered directions of classical philosophy and philosophical anthropology, as well as on its various interdisciplinary facets". Doctor of Philosophy A. M. Rudenko

“... most philosophers have lost all interest in love, having switched to more pliable and simple objects of existential experiences, solemnly declaring to us that, perhaps, there is no love at all, for all vague evidence on this matter is just ordinary pranks of reflection or an intricate game our imagination". Doctor of Philosophy A. V. Nekhaev

Philosophers have honestly admitted:
“Therefore, despite the moral cowardice and intellectual desertion of most philosophers, we should still try to figure out what love is and what exactly we feel when we experience this mysterious and paradoxical feeling”. Doctor of Philosophy A. V. Nekhaev “The patanatomy of love, or How can the knowledge that“ you know that you are in love ”be useful?

And what is the contribution of psychology in understanding love?

Psychologist G. Harlow: “As for love, psychologists have not coped with their mission. The little that we know about love does not go beyond mere observation, and the little that we write about it is much better described by poets and writers".

A. Maslow, explains the silence of psychologists on the topic of love by the desire to deal with easily investigated and well-studied phenomena and avoidance of problems requiring study and difficult to research. At the same time, he considered the study of love very relevant and he himself made a certain contribution to the study of this topic.

Love and self-actualization. A. Maslow.

Deficient love and love of life A. Maslow. R. Frager, D. Fademan.

American psychologist K. Steiner (2003) notes in this regard: “Neither psychology nor psychiatry <...> recognize love as a subject worthy of scientific research. The word "love" is unacceptable in scientific discussions. Behavioral scientists, when they speak of love or falling in love, if they deign to mention it at all, usually smile timidly, as if to say: “Love is the theme of poets and philosophers. We scientists cannot study love! ””.

One of the chapters "A book for those who like to live, or the Psychology of personal growth" Doctor of Psychology N.I. Kozlova, is called "On love and other speculations on an especially large scale" and begins: "We will not talk about love, because we still do not know what it is." The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."

Other doctors agree with him:

D.psx.n. A. Orlov "Demystification of love" : "... all those variations and exaggerations that the theme of love has undergone in the individual and public consciousness over thousands of years of the existence of human culture have not made our ideas about love itself in any way clear and distinct ... Moreover, it will not be an exaggeration to say that the theme of love is the most unclear, incomprehensible, mysterious and, as it seems to me, the most mystified theme in human relationships. All attempts to signify and designate the very phenomenon of love led to the fact that it only hid behind a host of words, remained unexpressed, incomprehensible, unsolved. Whatever the definitions of love - "God" (Gospel), "feeling" (everyday consciousness), "sublimated sexual attraction" (Freud), "invasion of archetypal content" (Jung), "ability and art" (Fromm), etc. etc., - they all make it just a part of this or that myth".

Doctor of Psychology, Professor E.P. Ilyin "The Psychology of Love". The book is in our library :
“Unfortunately, in Soviet psychology, the problem of love was practically ignored as a subject of general psychology.
... at present, scientific research on the phenomenon of love is being carried out, although there are not so many of them. To a greater extent, this applies to psychophysiologists, sexologists, philosophers, pediatricians, psychotherapists. But psychologists, as before, for the most part bypass this problem with their attention".

Doctor of Psychology, Professor of Moscow State University D. Leontiev: “Love. It colors life with bright colors on clear days and warms on rainy days. Many different words are spoken about this phenomenon, not even all of which you can print ... And there is no agreement between people (often between Him and Her, but not only), what is generally called the word "love". For thousands of years, people have been arguing about the secrets of life and death, but, in any case, they agree with each other on what is the subject of the conversation. Otherwise, with love - here we just do not always know what the dispute is about. Is it really there at all, or is it something mystical, like fate, transmigration of souls or a national idea? "

D.psh.n. N.N. Papucha: "Psychology is simply not ready to study phenomena of such a level of complexity and inclusiveness as love, but this does not mean that these phenomena do not need to be studied."

K.psh.n. L. Gozman, "Psychology of emotional relationships." The book is in our library : “Note that there is much more certainty in the ideas of love of people who are not related to science than in psychological laboratories "

Psychologist Andrei Yudin, having worked for 10 years after graduating from the psychology department, comes to conclusions that were not given to him at the university:
“Practically everything that we are told about relationships from childhood, from the point of view of psychology, is a mythology that has no roots in reality. Novels, films, TV series, love songs, glossy magazines, talk shows, thematic literature and trainings - almost all of modern pop culture is involved in replicating superstitions about romantic relationships.
Unfortunately, all this affects real relationships between people in the most destructive way".

The complete helplessness of academic psychology in explaining what love is, was expressed by the academician of the Russian Academy of Sciences, Doctor of Psychology. A.L. Zhuravlev: “Poets, writers and artists describe love much more accurately. They have a huge advantage in the accuracy of conveying the state and feeling of love due to the possibilities of the artistic method of their analysis and explanation. The scientific method of study is still forced to simplify a complex phenomenon, thereby impoverishing its wealth and making it more superficial".

Here is the Oxford Explanatory Dictionary of Psychology (Ed. By A. Reber, 2002), the definition of love begins with the following phrase: “LOVE Psychologists, perhaps, would have acted wisely if they refused the responsibility for the analysis of this term and left it to the poets ".

Despite the fact that there is no single consistent definition of love and confusion in the scientific community, more than 80% of the population are sure that they know what love is, which means they have a concept and even a conviction in it.

Philologists have done a good job and have revealed that the most common understanding of the meaning of love in the everyday consciousness of Russian speakers is "a feeling of warm-hearted inclination, attraction to a person of the opposite sex."

In 2007. sociologists from Superjob clarified what exactly the people of Russia mean by the word "love":
53% is just an affair with strong feelings that do not necessarily lead to family life;
21% reduced everything to sex;
Women were an order of magnitude more likely to choose the answer “an affair with strong feelings,” while men were more favorable to the options associated only with sexual relations.
17% long-term family connection, proven by tests;
2% Christian understanding of love as caring for neighbors;
6% other: "attachment", "harmony in relationships", "profitable marriage", "we get along well - well, we also have love!", "there is no clear understanding of love at all".

Scientific meaning, understanding of love: “K.filol.n A.D. Iriolova revealed that the semantic model of love, built on the basis of the analysis of ideas about it in the scientific type of consciousness, in ethical and psychological studies and dictionaries, looks as follows: values on condition of rational unmotivated choice of this object and its individualization and uniqueness ”. Doctor of Philology S.G. Vorkachev The concept of love in the Russian language consciousness.

Philologists have even revealed how modern philosophy defines such a deep feeling as love, "... in the context of striving for another person, human community or idea."

Such a number of uncertainties, antinomies and ambivalences in understanding love more confuse, deceive, lead into desperate situations, as evidenced by statistics.

Family statistics.

7 pages Definitions of love from explanatory dictionaries

But there are other scientific areas, such as anthropology, neurochemistry, neurobiology, psychotherapy using the latest biochemical methods and fMRI equipment - functional magnetic resonance imaging, it was possible to obtain enough objective data in order to reveal the mystery of nature inter-sex individual love.

About Professor Helen Fisher and true love. E. Pushkarev

It was revealed, that love, falling in love and worst of all, painful love-loving passions - substandard falling in love, were mistakenly combined into one bright concept and were strenuously erected on a pedestal.

Various feelings of love and being in love. E. Pushkarev.

This book is primarily for those who want to understand, but what is true love, and what is falling in love , painful near-love passions of their essence, definitions, boundaries. How to learn to distinguish one thing from one another.

Demystifying love. A. Orlov

"Although the Russian language is powerful, I dare to assert that in one thing it is not too perfect. Namely, the word" love "is too polarized and ambiguous. a man and a woman. ”In the brotherly Ukrainian language, there are the concepts of" kohayu "and" regret ".
Psychotherapist E. Tarasov

Mini etymological analysis of the concept "love".

In the Old Church Slavonic language there was only the verb to love "to be in a state of love, attraction to something or someone", it remained longer in the form of love. With the prefix y - it meant "like it, fall in love."
The Old Russian verb l'bnut began to approach another verb in form - lnuti, lnuti, lnut "to cling with body and soul to someone." D. N. Ushakov's dictionary defines it as follows: "Experiencing a gentle, friendly attraction, he strives to be closer to someone." It is also possible to draw parallels to the verb to smile, to smile (to deceive), to smile (to deceive), to smile, to smile, to smile. Single-root "smile", "smile" becomes an action-response to the "excitement of love".
The Russian words love and love seem to have originated directly from the Sanskrit word lubh (or lobh, lubhyati), meaning an irresistible, passionate desire. From him were born the Latin words lubēre, libēre, libēt (to like).
You can find semantic traces in the Gothic language ga-laubjan - "to believe", "valuable", "reliable", in German ga-laub - "inspiring confidence, pleasant", as well as in the Indian lobhauati - "arouse desire, make love, fall in love ".
The concept of "love" can be clarified using the etymological analysis of the verb "love".
Academician Yu.S. Stepanov: "the verb to love in its origin and form is causative, that is, meaning" to cause in someone or in something a corresponding action, to force someone or something to do it. "Here we are talking about a three-phase model . The verb love currently takes the place of all three phases and absorbs all semantic meanings. However, with the help of Old Church Slavonic and Old Russian texts, all three phases can be identified:

The 1st phase was the current verb to love with the meaning "to cause love, to fall in love";

The second phase is the now absent verb * labnuti (sya), meaning "to fall, to plunge into a state of love, desire for something" and derived from the ancient Indian root * lubh, close to the original Indo-European root * leubh. The verb * lybnut could not be preserved, since it is too close in form and semantics to the verb cling. But even in modern Russian, you can find words with this root: smile, smile. Hence another meaning of the verb to love - "to experience a feeling of joy, happiness."

3rd phase - the phase of being in a state of love. The verbs differed in form only in that the verb of the 1st phase was written through (love), and the verb of the 3rd phase through the letter "yat", which is why the merger took place.

Yu.S. Stepanov points out: "the semantics of the old verb of the state (i.e., the 3rd phase) appears in the participle in -im, which retains its original - not passive, but medial meaning, that is, the meaning of an action performed" for oneself "or "within oneself" ... love means not only "beloved", but also "loving" ... this participle, like the verb, also retained the old control - the date case indicating the pursuit of the goal, instead of accusative. For example: Art. - sl. love zlatou ".

Yu.S. Stepanov shows how the Indo-European root * sterg - // * sterk "to protect and groom" in Greek gives a root meaning "to love, to be satisfied", in Old Church Slavonic - "to protect, guard, guard", in Russian - "guard, watchman ". He makes the following conclusion: "Thus, love itself, the 'solid essence', appears as something separate from a person, something that can be preserved and cherished." From here one can see another secret meaning of the verb love - "to keep and cherish the feeling."

The verb love in its semantic meaning implies the presence of two personalities who are both subjects and objects in relation to each other. Stepanov calls this the "circular communication" model.

Currently, there are phrases that are tacitly accepted by everyone, these are the so-called formulas of love:

1. I love you ... - the formula of a declaration of love to a beloved, friend, close acquaintance.

2. I love you for ...; That's what I love for - the praise formula.

3. I ask you to love and favor - please show favor to the one whom the mediator represents when meeting.

4. Loving you - the formula for a compliment in the conclusion of a letter to a loved one.

E. Pushkarev Chairman of the Internet - Club "ENLIGHTENED LOVE"

This is one of the chapters of the book "LOVE! GOOD OR EVIL? Psychological dimensions.
In it, I tried to collect and generalize the most modern knowledge about the nature of love.
It turned out: love is an extremely positive feeling. And a very similar falling in love with love has little in common. And poor-quality love, it is "addictive love", "overselective love" not only has nothing to do with love, but also a completely painful disorder. And learning to distinguish between them is not so difficult.
The most read articles on our website are:

Guide to the site and the main milestones in the knowledge of love. E. Pushkarev

The essence of love. E. Pushkarev.

What is love. E. Pushkarev

Briefly about love. E. Pushkarev

Falling in love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: compatibility, love. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev

Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev

Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin.

Sexuality, female and male orgasms.

and also sections:

Psychology of love.

Site map.

In our library of books and videos (which can be downloaded for free): "Love, family, sex and about ..." almost 2000 storage units. There is also on the topic of this article.

Эрих Фромм

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Экология и драматургия любви

Наш сайт о природе любви мужчины и женщины: истоки, течение, около любовные переживания и расстройства.

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По моей книге уже с 2010 года обучают студентов по Программе дисциплины – «Психология любви»

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Из книги вы узнаете: любовь между мужчиной и женщиной исключительно положительное чувство. А очень похожая влюбленность с любовью никак не связана. А недоброкачественная влюбленность - мания, она же "наркоманическая любовь", "сверхизбирательная любовь" "folle amore" (безумная любовь (ит.) не только никакого отношения к любви не имеет, а и совсем болезненное расстройство.

А научиться их различать не так уж и сложно.

У человека нет врожденного дара, отличать любовь от влюбленностей, других

псевдолюбовных состояний это можно сделать только овладев знаниями.

Жизнь удалась

Примеры настоящей любви

Пара влюбленных

Драматичные влюбленности известных людей, которые не сделали их счастливыми