Introduction. E. Pushkarev
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D. Bruno, XVI century
And in some problems, a person, on the contrary, began to move away from the main path of development: alcohol, drugs, unhealthy love relationships, extremism and, as a result, many problems and tragedies.
R. Johnson, Doctor of Psychology
Doctor of Philosophy. V. Zhirinovsky
A review of American Suicide Notes says that love is a more common cause of suicide in both sexes than feelings of worthlessness. Every day in India, about ten people kill themselves because of the loss of love - more than from poverty, unemployment or bankruptcy.
L. Young, B. Alexander “The Chemistry of Love. A scientific view of love, sex and attraction". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
... the first place among all human misfortunes (wars, diseases, epidemics, natural and other disasters) is confidently held by love and family troubles. Life has shown for more than the first millennium that this area of our being is the most uncontrollable, the most unpredictable and insidious, the most cruel and fraught with injuries and tragedies.
Psychotherapist V. Levy
Acquainted with the tragic love statistics, it is recalled that the very first known goddess of love in history was Ishtar from the Sumerian-Akkadian epic (more than 4 thousand years ago), the goddess of love and war, strife at the same time. Not far from the culture of civilized countries in matters of love has gone during this time, if until now inter-sex love, strife, war are united in one concept.
There are coinciding statistics of married “for love” and “for convenience” by Z. Feinburg and Indian psychologists Usha Gupta and Pushpa Singh (Usha Gupta & Pushpa Singh, 1982) ... Those who married for love noted the extinction of love feelings if their marriage lasted more than five years. On the other hand, those who married for convenience indicated that the feeling of love increased in comparison with the feeling that they experienced when they were newlyweds. On the graph made by Usha Gupta and Pushpa Singh, the vertical line is "the power of love", the horizontal is the age of marriage.
Doctor of Psychology, Doctor of Philosophy. n. S. Kovalev believes that family unions concluded through a dating service are several times more stable than love marriages.
S. Kovalev “Psychotherapy of personal history. Psychotechnology of changing the past and creating the future ”. The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
John Paul II
Erich Fromm: "A superficial and lightweight attitude to love is demonstrated by a huge number of "consumer films" about happy and unhappy love, as well as low-quality songs about love, from which the mass consumer draws uncomplicated information. love, few people have an idea of "true love", not knowing how to distinguish it from fake love. "Nowadays in the West, it is considered" fashionable love at the source - a sudden surging feeling, emotional spontaneity, unbridled passion, most often excluding responsibility, human seriousness, spiritual and moral kinship and mutual understanding between partners. Despite the fact that everyone is burning with a "passionate desire for love", practically in the consumer society almost everything is considered more important than love: success, prestige, money, power; all energy is spent on achieving these goals, and almost nothing is done to learn the art of love".
The greatest contribution to the confusion, overheating the concept of "love" was made by poets and writers. Huge mountains of amorous literature were written.
Love is everything ... And that's all we know about it.
Love is terrible, merciless, it is monstrous. Love is tender. Love is airy. Love is inexpressible and inexplicable ...
“Love is a gift from God and it must be perceived as such. It's like a thunderer god - throws lightning bolts".
But already in the 19th century, the philosopher M.O. Menshikov writes about "the cult of love ...", ".. love affair corrupts sexual feelings", by the middle of the twentieth century, the traditionalist philosopher Y. Evola writes about "The tyranny of love and sex ...".
By the end of the twentieth century, Doctor of Psychology R. A. Johnson writes that "romantic love" is already turning religion ... ". And the result is a modern amorous - erotic chimera, which Dr. E. Giddens called "confluent love".
Philosophers lagged behind poets and writers in amorous contradictions.
N. Berdyaev: “Love is tragic in this world and does not allow improvement, does not obey any norms. Love promises those who love death in this world, and not the dispensation of life. And the greatest thing in love, that which preserves its mysterious holiness, is the renunciation of any life perspective, the sacrifice of life. All creativity demands this sacrifice, requires sacrifice and creative love. Life improvement, family improvement is the grave of love. Sacrificial death in life and puts the stamp of eternity on love. Love is closer, more intimate, deeper connected with death than with birth, and this connection, guessed by the poets of love, is the guarantee of its eternity. The deep opposite of love and procreation. "
"About love" ... you can neither theologize, nor moralize, nor sociologize, nor biologize, it is outside all this, it is not "of this world", it is not a local flower that is dying in the midst of this world".
V.V. Rozanov: “... Love is not fire at all (often defined), love is air. Without it there is no breathing, but with it "it is easy to breathe."
The same position is supported by an obvious supporter of romantic love Doctor of Social Sciences. S. Samygin: “Various sciences: philosophy, psychology, history and others are trying to give a person definitions, boundaries of love. Are they needed? In psychology, various stages and names of love are distinguished. People read and compare: a year ago we had love-passion, and now love-friendship. Our relationship has moved from stage two to stage three. Do you need classifications, stages, parameters for love, will it become easier if you know at what stage to get married, and at what stage to get divorced or give birth to children? It is unlikely that a large number of people become happier when, with the help of tests and definitions, they find out at what stage love is <...> The world will lose a lot if we give clear definitions of feelings and emotions ”.
Poets, writers, philosophers contradicted each other so much that it is easier to find a statement refuting the statement of the previous thinker than to understand it.
And also, the position of poets, writers, philosophers can be characterized using the well-known parable of the elephant. When the blind men approached the elephant: one felt the trunk and said: "The elephant is a rope," the other felt the body and said: "The elephant is a barrel," and so on. And their logic is the complete opposite of this parable, they are all amorous - erotic drives that have no essential connection, pushed into one concept "Love".
It's also like combining a snake, a hedgehog, a walrus, a swift into one animal species just because they have the letter "g" in their designation, and then start studying it. In their attitude to love, they have the principle “before exploring it, what is simple, it is necessary to overcomplicate, overheat with drama, overload with existentialism and eclecticism,” and only after that the feeling becomes worthy of their consideration.
by Yu.B. Ryurikov "Three drives". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
... you can neither theologize, nor moralize, nor sociologize, nor biologize, it (love) is outside all this, it is not "of this world", it is not a local flower dying in the midst of this world.
Modern philosophers are also filled with doubts:
"The ontological uncertainty of love is so great that there is no unambiguous answer even to the question of whether it exists in principle."
D.philos.n V.V. Afanasyeva
"... the multidimensionality and complexity of the phenomenon of love demonstrates the inconsistency of any attempt at an adequate and comprehensive explication in the considered directions of classical philosophy and philosophical anthropology, as well as on its various interdisciplinary facets". Doctor of Philosophy A. M. Rudenko
“... most philosophers have lost all interest in love, having switched to more pliable and simple objects of existential experiences, solemnly declaring to us that, perhaps, there is no love at all, for all vague evidence on this matter is just ordinary pranks of reflection or an intricate game our imagination". Doctor of Philosophy A. V. Nekhaev
Philosophers have honestly admitted:
“Therefore, despite the moral cowardice and intellectual desertion of most philosophers, we should still try to figure out what love is and what exactly we feel when we experience this mysterious and paradoxical feeling”. Doctor of Philosophy A. V. Nekhaev “The patanatomy of love, or How can the knowledge that“ you know that you are in love ”be useful?
And what is the contribution of psychology in understanding love?
Psychologist G. Harlow: “As for love, psychologists have not coped with their mission. The little that we know about love does not go beyond mere observation, and the little that we write about it is much better described by poets and writers".
A. Maslow, explains the silence of psychologists on the topic of love by the desire to deal with easily investigated and well-studied phenomena and avoidance of problems requiring study and difficult to research. At the same time, he considered the study of love very relevant and he himself made a certain contribution to the study of this topic.
American psychologist K. Steiner (2003) notes in this regard: “Neither psychology nor psychiatry <...> recognize love as a subject worthy of scientific research. The word "love" is unacceptable in scientific discussions. Behavioral scientists, when they speak of love or falling in love, if they deign to mention it at all, usually smile timidly, as if to say: “Love is the theme of poets and philosophers. We scientists cannot study love! ””.
One of the chapters "A book for those who like to live, or the Psychology of personal growth" Doctor of Psychology N.I. Kozlova, is called "On love and other speculations on an especially large scale" and begins: "We will not talk about love, because we still do not know what it is." The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..."
D.psx.n. A. Orlov "Demystification of love" : "... all those variations and exaggerations that the theme of love has undergone in the individual and public consciousness over thousands of years of the existence of human culture have not made our ideas about love itself in any way clear and distinct ... Moreover, it will not be an exaggeration to say that the theme of love is the most unclear, incomprehensible, mysterious and, as it seems to me, the most mystified theme in human relationships. All attempts to signify and designate the very phenomenon of love led to the fact that it only hid behind a host of words, remained unexpressed, incomprehensible, unsolved. Whatever the definitions of love - "God" (Gospel), "feeling" (everyday consciousness), "sublimated sexual attraction" (Freud), "invasion of archetypal content" (Jung), "ability and art" (Fromm), etc. etc., - they all make it just a part of this or that myth".
Doctor of Psychology, Professor E.P. Ilyin "The Psychology of Love". The book is in our library :
“Unfortunately, in Soviet psychology, the problem of love was practically ignored as a subject of general psychology.
... at present, scientific research on the phenomenon of love is being carried out, although there are not so many of them. To a greater extent, this applies to psychophysiologists, sexologists, philosophers, pediatricians, psychotherapists. But psychologists, as before, for the most part bypass this problem with their attention".
Doctor of Psychology, Professor of Moscow State University D. Leontiev: “Love. It colors life with bright colors on clear days and warms on rainy days. Many different words are spoken about this phenomenon, not even all of which you can print ... And there is no agreement between people (often between Him and Her, but not only), what is generally called the word "love". For thousands of years, people have been arguing about the secrets of life and death, but, in any case, they agree with each other on what is the subject of the conversation. Otherwise, with love - here we just do not always know what the dispute is about. Is it really there at all, or is it something mystical, like fate, transmigration of souls or a national idea? "
D.psh.n. N.N. Papucha: "Psychology is simply not ready to study phenomena of such a level of complexity and inclusiveness as love, but this does not mean that these phenomena do not need to be studied."
K.psh.n. L. Gozman, "Psychology of emotional relationships." The book is in our library : “Note that there is much more certainty in the ideas of love of people who are not related to science than in psychological laboratories "
Psychologist Andrei Yudin, having worked for 10 years after graduating from the psychology department, comes to conclusions that were not given to him at the university:
“Practically everything that we are told about relationships from childhood, from the point of view of psychology, is a mythology that has no roots in reality. Novels, films, TV series, love songs, glossy magazines, talk shows, thematic literature and trainings - almost all of modern pop culture is involved in replicating superstitions about romantic relationships.
Unfortunately, all this affects real relationships between people in the most destructive way".
The complete helplessness of academic psychology in explaining what love is, was expressed by the academician of the Russian Academy of Sciences, Doctor of Psychology. A.L. Zhuravlev: “Poets, writers and artists describe love much more accurately. They have a huge advantage in the accuracy of conveying the state and feeling of love due to the possibilities of the artistic method of their analysis and explanation. The scientific method of study is still forced to simplify a complex phenomenon, thereby impoverishing its wealth and making it more superficial".
Here is the Oxford Explanatory Dictionary of Psychology (Ed. By A. Reber, 2002), the definition of love begins with the following phrase: “LOVE Psychologists, perhaps, would have acted wisely if they refused the responsibility for the analysis of this term and left it to the poets ".
Despite the fact that there is no single consistent definition of love and confusion in the scientific community, more than 80% of the population are sure that they know what love is, which means they have a concept and even a conviction in it.
Philologists have done a good job and have revealed that the most common understanding of the meaning of love in the everyday consciousness of Russian speakers is "a feeling of warm-hearted inclination, attraction to a person of the opposite sex."
53% is just an affair with strong feelings that do not necessarily lead to family life;
21% reduced everything to sex;
Women were an order of magnitude more likely to choose the answer “an affair with strong feelings,” while men were more favorable to the options associated only with sexual relations.
17% long-term family connection, proven by tests;
2% Christian understanding of love as caring for neighbors;
6% other: "attachment", "harmony in relationships", "profitable marriage", "we get along well - well, we also have love!", "there is no clear understanding of love at all".
Scientific meaning, understanding of love: “K.filol.n A.D. Iriolova revealed that the semantic model of love, built on the basis of the analysis of ideas about it in the scientific type of consciousness, in ethical and psychological studies and dictionaries, looks as follows: values on condition of rational unmotivated choice of this object and its individualization and uniqueness ”. Doctor of Philology S.G. Vorkachev The concept of love in the Russian language consciousness.
Philologists have even revealed how modern philosophy defines such a deep feeling as love, "... in the context of striving for another person, human community or idea."
Such a number of uncertainties, antinomies and ambivalences in understanding love more confuse, deceive, lead into desperate situations, as evidenced by statistics.
7 pages Definitions of love from explanatory dictionaries
It was revealed, that love, falling in love and worst of all, painful love-loving passions - substandard falling in love, were mistakenly combined into one bright concept and were strenuously erected on a pedestal.
Psychotherapist E. Tarasov
Mini etymological analysis of the concept "love".
The 1st phase was the current verb to love with the meaning "to cause love, to fall in love";
The second phase is the now absent verb * labnuti (sya), meaning "to fall, to plunge into a state of love, desire for something" and derived from the ancient Indian root * lubh, close to the original Indo-European root * leubh. The verb * lybnut could not be preserved, since it is too close in form and semantics to the verb cling. But even in modern Russian, you can find words with this root: smile, smile. Hence another meaning of the verb to love - "to experience a feeling of joy, happiness."
3rd phase - the phase of being in a state of love. The verbs differed in form only in that the verb of the 1st phase was written through (love), and the verb of the 3rd phase through the letter "yat", which is why the merger took place.
Yu.S. Stepanov points out: "the semantics of the old verb of the state (i.e., the 3rd phase) appears in the participle in -im, which retains its original - not passive, but medial meaning, that is, the meaning of an action performed" for oneself "or "within oneself" ... love means not only "beloved", but also "loving" ... this participle, like the verb, also retained the old control - the date case indicating the pursuit of the goal, instead of accusative. For example: Art. - sl. love zlatou ".
Yu.S. Stepanov shows how the Indo-European root * sterg - // * sterk "to protect and groom" in Greek gives a root meaning "to love, to be satisfied", in Old Church Slavonic - "to protect, guard, guard", in Russian - "guard, watchman ". He makes the following conclusion: "Thus, love itself, the 'solid essence', appears as something separate from a person, something that can be preserved and cherished." From here one can see another secret meaning of the verb love - "to keep and cherish the feeling."
The verb love in its semantic meaning implies the presence of two personalities who are both subjects and objects in relation to each other. Stepanov calls this the "circular communication" model.
Currently, there are phrases that are tacitly accepted by everyone, these are the so-called formulas of love:
1. I love you ... - the formula of a declaration of love to a beloved, friend, close acquaintance.
2. I love you for ...; That's what I love for - the praise formula.
3. I ask you to love and favor - please show favor to the one whom the mediator represents when meeting.
4. Loving you - the formula for a compliment in the conclusion of a letter to a loved one.
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