I can't love, I just can't, I can't ...
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Pass test Helen Fisher for of choice partner on the best hormonal compatibility .
Various feelings of love and being in love. E. Pushkarev.
Essence love . E. _ Pushkarev .
Is love an emotion, a feeling or what? E. Pushkarev
If the confusion of love with pseudo-loves is eliminated. E. Pushkarev
This is a malicious word "love". E. Pushkarev
More " Romantic love": aspects, analysis and consequences. E Pushkarev .
Our rules of love are so imperfect that many should not, and even more cannot love ...
P. _ _ _ Mantegazza
- A. Maslow in his work “ Love and self-actualization ” explains that there is not only “the ability to love ”, but also“ the ability to be loved ”, and only the one who possesses both of these abilities can find true love. These are people with the highest level of psychological health.
More details: " Psychological health is a prerequisite for love" E. Pushkarev
Practically anyone with whom you can build quite acceptable contractual relations and live in them all your life. This is taught by Family Service and the Church.
It is appropriate to remind that the closest synonym for love is "harmony", but harmonious relationships cannot be built with anyone. Contractual relationships are built on goodwill, conscious effort, effort, and harmonious relationships are built involuntarily on the best combination of selves - what kind of person is by nature and better not.
More details: About disharmony of choosing a marriage partner to harmony. E. _ Pushkarev
In the studies of W. Kepphart , it was revealed that the inability to love is truly expressed in people in two versions, when such a person has a large number of novels or their complete absence. He came to the conclusion that these two opposites are associated with an insufficient level of human emotional maturity. This is about a quarter of all adults.
Love is not for the infantile ! E. Belyakova
Another aspect of this problem is described by psychotherapist Oleg Kurakin
About Freud, the inability to love is a manifestation of narcissism.
About K. Horney inability to love is a sign of neuroticism , the reason is a latent fear of rejection.
Neurotic need for love. Karen Horney .
" Horney writes about the inability of the neurotic person to love" ... because of the anxiety and latent and explicit hostility that arises in his early life as a result of mistreatment of himself. In the process of development, this hostility increases significantly. "
But the neurotic does not know that he does not know how to love. He lives with the illusion that he is the greatest of lovers and has a tremendous capacity for self-giving. He will assure you that in his life he does everything only for others and does not know how to do only one thing - to please himself. " Psychologist Diana Balyko "365 + 1 rule of true love for every day of a happy year"
What must be overcome in order not to be afraid of love? P. Cutter
John Powell "Why I'm Afraid to Love."
John Townsend “Don't hide from love. How to get rid of the fear of emotional closeness that holds you captive, isolating you from communication "
The books are in our library : " Love , family, sex and about ..."
The “can't love” problem may be the result of significant intrapersonal conflict.
The concept of intrapersonal conflict, its features and classification. N. Loban
P about E. Fromm , the inability to love is a consequence of the lack or lack of love and care in childhood, which leads to isolation and a certain blockage of feelings. It happens that a person loves and does not recognize this, but it happens when he does not love at all and tries to convince himself of the opposite with his partner and himself .
About the destructive influence of the "consumer society" on sexual love. E. Fromm
Consumer society and its anti-love essence. E. Pushkarev
From the voi version of the problem "I can not love" and ways to resolve it are described in the book " Marilyn Monroe Syndrome." S. Izraelson , E. Makavoy (The book is in our library : "Love, family, sex and about ..." ).
The vision of the problem “I cannot love” and what to do with it is described by K. Steiner in his book “Scenarios of People's Life. Eric Berne School "- script" Without Love ". The book is in our library "Love, family, sex and about ..." :
“ A huge number of people in this country are in constant unsuccessful search for close relationships. Women face this difficulty more often, which happens for several reasons: women are more sensitive to the presence (absence) of love in their life and therefore they are less tolerant of loneliness and unsatisfactory relationships. "
Lika if you determine that your problem is similar to one of the above disorders, special attention will need to be paid
Psychological health is a prerequisite for love. E. Pushkarev
Narcissism, neuroticism , infantilism, intrapersonal conflicts, etc. these are diagnoses that our Club does not deal with, but we provide information for acquaintance, with a pronunciation: all this can be corrected or cured by contacting a psychotherapist. hypopituitarism , may also be the cause of the “I can't love” problem . It causes hormonal problems and love blindness. Men and women who have this disease often do not even know about it, they lead normal lives. They create families according to the principle “like everyone else”, guided by friendly relations, but they are not aware of the “elation” or “fire in the chest” of lovers. There are also some mental disorders that do not have a distinct severity, as a result of which the synthesis of dopamine is disrupted.
And I would like to finish with this letter, when Lika you read it to the end, you will understand why I brought it here.
"Hello. I decided to ask you my question.
My story is as follows: as a student , I was friends with my classmate - just friends. We spent a lot of time together, we understood each other; all was good. Everything went to the fact that friendship was to develop into love, this person was so dear and close to me. But ... How it happens: she did not take the first steps, and he did not. And when he opened his feelings, I was not ready and did not answer them. And the friendship was incomprehensibly broken in this way. In February there were friends, and in July he was already married to another girl.
Time passed and I got married, just got out without love. I lived with my husband for almost 20 years and realized that I couldn’t take it anymore and he was tired of living like that, because I couldn’t fall in love with him. We parted. My son understood everything and helps me to live and not lose hope for happiness. All the years she remembered and fondly remembered the one whom she lost and loved, but she never told him about her feelings. She dreamed of finding him, talking and maybe seeing him.
They say the truth, you need to say your dreams out loud. This summer a classmate came to visit me, and I told him that I really want to find this person.
And at the beginning of September I was given his phone, and as it turned out, he was my phone. And he called me right away. It was such a happiness to hear this native voice. He remembered every little thing from our past, just as I kept ours with him in my heart. And I told him again that I was so glad to hear, but really want to see him. And then there was a decision to meet in a couple of weeks. We live in different, though bordering areas. He organized transport for me to get there, and I went to meet him elated.
E hala did n’t know how to behave, what to say - she knew one thing: I’ll see him and this is already a great happiness. I knew one thing, that even if I was still married, I would go to meet him. This man is so dear to me.
We met and during communication once again realized that we are kindred souls, halves that had to find each other in this world in order to be happy .
About ba could not answer what happened 20 years ago, why they parted. Both unanimously said: "How am I going to live without you now ?!" After 20 years, they confessed their love and realized how wrong they were, having lost each other then, and that they should not be lost now.
The story is usual - he is married, 2 children (adult children). Now we live from a telephone conversation to a telephone conversation. We live with hopes for new meetings.
I am tormented by the fact that I understand that I cannot live without him, that I want to be with him, but this is rather impossible - he has a family. But it is no coincidence that everything in this life is fate - for so many years we both kept and cherished the memory of each other, loved each other and dreamed of meeting.
We met and realized that we could not live without each other.
How to live on? What to do? I feel at the same time the happiest and the most unhappy on earth. I found him, we loved and love each other, I follow him even to the ends of the world. But I can't destroy the family, I shouldn't. I understand how difficult it must be for him now. So I want to tell him everything that I want to be with him, that we should be together, that there is one life, etc. But I do not want to put pressure on him - he himself must make a decision. Maybe you shouldn't be silent? We must tell him everything and let him MAN make his decision. I know that I will grab hold of every slightest opportunity to see him like a straw and strive for him. I cannot now lose my happiness! I know that you have to fight for happiness. I believe that it is not by chance that fate has twisted everything so, and something will definitely happen and we will be together, we will be happy - I really want this.
You usually very subtly lay out and explain everything - help figure out: how to live further and what to do? ".
True love, aka compatible love. E. Pushkarev.
Culture of longevity of love. A culture of separation grief. E. Pushkarev.
_ _ Your story will be interesting and instructive to others, your experience will be useful to everyone.
Hello Club.
After reading this page, I wanted to write my own story.
I have a young man . We have been living together for over a year. I think I love him. I like him in everything, outwardly, in character, in sex. Relationship with him is absolutely harmonious for me.
My problem is only that the development of our relations, steps towards each other, rapprochement, comes only when he feels bad. I really like those periods when, for example, he is sick. By himself, he is very frank, and trusts me in everything, so he always tells what is happening to him. Does he have a headache, or even more intimate details like the fact that he has a tummy ache. It is at these moments that I begin to feel my attitude towards him. It becomes dear and interesting to me. I help and look after him. He is a rather sentimental person and, in turn, wants to receive warmth and affection from me during these periods. He asks to sit next to him, putting his hand on his head, massage his tummy, squeeze it to him, make tea. Only on such days can I get sexual satisfaction in bed with him. Precisely because I think that he is bad.
In ordinary life, when everything is normal, I begin to treat him absolutely coldly, and he becomes alien and uninteresting to me. To start feeling sympathy for him again, I need to see that he feels bad - physically bad. I reread texts and letters where he complains that he is not feeling well today, or I look at photographs that I took in secret when he slept with a fever or headache, curled up and hugging his head in his hands. Or when he sits on his haunches, getting out of the car, holding his stomach, in the hope that the sudden colic will soon pass. After looking at this, I start thinking again that I love and want him.
I understand that this is not normal. But I can't understand why this is happening?
What is this strange desire to see how bad a loved one is ?
How can I get rid of this ?
Please help me with a solution to my personal problem.
Roz a _ _
John Townsend “Don't hide from love. How to get rid of the fear of emotional closeness that holds you captive, isolating you from communication "
John Townsend "How to Love and Be Loved"
Philip van Manching , Bernie Katz "Parents are to blame for everything, or why your love relationship is not working out"
Valery Ilyin “Archeology of childhood. Psychological mechanisms of family life "
Karen Horney "Our Internal Conflicts"
Andrey Kurpatov “3 mistakes of our parents. Conflicts and complexes "
and others
Guide to the site and the main milestones in the knowledge of love. E. Pushkarev
Essence love . E. _ Pushkarev .
Is love an emotion, a feeling or what? E. Pushkarev
If the confusion of love with pseudo-loves is eliminated. E. Pushkarev
Various feelings of love and being in love. E. Pushkarev.
Psychological health is a prerequisite for love. E. Pushkarev
Falling in love and love. V. Albisetti
Love test: "love scale" by Z. Rubin .
Man and woman: compatibility, love. E. Pushkarev
Man and woman: relationships. E. Pushkarev
Man and woman: leadership in love and marriage. E Pushkarev
Psychology of love. E. Pushkarev
